A Pure Silence

I wrote this a few monthes ago after the suicide of a friend of mine. I though that I would post this to remind others of this terribly heartbreaking issue that ruins many lives each day. The black and white image of this post is of Alex Troupe.

Last year, as I was a Freshman, I had decided to play tennis at my high school. I had played the sport often with my elder sister who was also on the tennis team, and chose to test my skills. There was another girl on the team that I had happened to get along with quite well. Her name was Esther, an exchange student from Germany. We immediatly hit it off and I began to share my techniques with her and help her improve before each practice. We also really enjoyed sharing our likes of music with eachother.
One morning, before school had started, we were cooly leaning against a wall near the office comparing bands that we liked, when a tall senior boy with long blond hair, a gotee, khaki shorts, and high tops walked towards us carrying a guitar on his back. I said "Whoa you play? Do you mind if I have a go at it?". I didn't know this boy very well, but he said so kindly, "Yeah, sure! I don't really care, it's my dad's. I'm playing it for the variety show today." He and Esther had began to converse. During this, I learned his name. Alex Troupe. Esther and him began to talk about class and joke with eachother while I played on in the middle of the hallway.
Later that day, at the variety show, Esther had been sitting in the front row, probably in order to be close to Alex's act. When Alex's turn came around, he goofily sat down in a chair and stuck a chord on the strings, stopped and muted them, looked dreamily into Esther's eyes and said "This is for Esther, cause she's so cute!".
At Tennis practice that evening Esther and I were talking about Alex the whole time. She said that all day people had been asking her if they were together. At the time, they were not. Only a few days later, Alex asked Esther out. They began to date and Alex had begun to stop by practices to joke with Esther and watch her play. Every once in a while he would pick up a racket and goof off on the court, just to make Esther laugh.
Sometimes after practice, me and Esther would walk to a near by resteraunt snack together. And we would usually talk about Alex and her. One evening, as we walked towards the resteraunt, we felt like someone was watching us. When we reached the resteraunt, bought our food, and sat down, no other that Alex walked into the resteraunt, bought a pop, and plopped down next to us. We stayed there for a very long time, talking about every topic imaginable-including Esther's insane host mom. Before we departed, Alex kindly invited me to attend his ballet recidal(yes, Ballet). I laughed and said "Sure Alex. I'll ask my Mom." Sadly, my grandparents were visiting that day and I was unable to go. I felt terrible. I really wanted to see big, tall, dangly Alex preform ballet.
Throughout the summer, after many sad goodbyes to Esther as she left for Germany, I had not been in much contact with Alex. Except for one comment he randomly left on my myspace saying "Severed penis" and nothing else. I wrote him back, laughing at him. And I told him "Well you know what?! Your page is really slow!" He wrote me back jokingly saying "Well I think that your face is slow!" That was the last time I ever talked to Alex Troupe.
On October 29th, 2007 for an unknown reason, happy, caring, funny, dorky, random Alex, had taken his own life by a single gun-shot wound to the head. My older sister came into my room the day after saying to me "Chloe, there's something that you're going to hear a lot about throughout today." She paused to take a deap breath. "Alex Troupe" another pause and deep breath "Killed himself yesterday". My body froze. I couldn't speak. I asked her numerously if it was real.
I weeped thoughout the whole day as I dealt with constant questions of Esther's condition, why he did it, and pure silence. Death silence, as I call it.
That night, at the PAC(a place that Alex loved) a memorial service was held to help his many friends cope. As I walked in I immediatly spotted Sara, another friend of Esther's. She gave me a hug and whispered in my ear "How are you?" I didn't answer, only sobbed. She embraced me closer and repeated her question."I don't think I'll be okay for a while".  
Through the entire service I cried and laughed hysterically as we all shared funny stories. Wow, there were so many! I grieved for a long time. I am still not done grieving. Not only is this very hard because of my experiences with similar situations to Alex's, but it's even harder to get over that it has been over a week and people still don't understand why he took his own life.
During the service, and that one day of school, all I heard was the deafening silence, death silence. I had gone deaf for the three days that followed Alex's death. I couldn't concentrate in school or talk to anybody. I now realize the reason why I am deaf:
As death silence occurs, the tears that fall from a young man's eyes, will hit the ground with so much force, that it will be heard thoughout man kind. As more of these tears fall, a pool will form. And each tear will ripple throughout eternity. From being around this constant sobbing, this constant collision of strong, young teen's tears hitting the groung, has caused me to go deaf throughout my grieving proccess.

Reviews

[Hide From God]

Wow. You are a very brave person for writing about losing someone. I know its hard because I lost my best friend four years ago right in front of my eyes. I am still not done grieving, I grieve everyday, and its something that takes time to heal but may never heal. I offer my sympathy to you, because I feel how you do. I know how you feel, I know the pain, The whys. I felt connected to this writing from the moment I read it. You write about what you know and you are not afraid to express them. I applaud you.

[Nova]

Touching. Yes, loosing someone is very hard. You captured that essence very well. Word choice was great. Overall this was a fantastic write.

[Y.F.]

Having just read that, I must say I'm sorry for your loss.
Losing a friend is always hard, even if it's someone you haven't seen or talked to in a while.
I think this piece could really help others who have suffered a similar loss cope with it better.
The way you described him, he sounds like a good man, and his actions does look odd and out of place, but I have yet to find a reason worthy of such drastic measures.
This piece commemorates him beautifully.
Thank you for sharing this with us.

[Rhan F. Sydney]

This is very powerful..I commend your courage for sharing this..Thank you so much.

[lori c]

oh chloe, so young to have felt something no one should ever feel. this piece must certainly have helped with the grieving process. my husband took his own life 22 years ago and i still grieve from time to time. all that aside, there are some grammatical and form issues that need addressing here. but eh, the content is awesome. i reread the last "paragraph" several times... it is by far an elegant ending to such a tragic piece. well done .

[Deidre A. H.]

The last paragraph is, by far, the most beautiful.

I can relate to this story, in a way--not fathoming how a happy person you love and care about committing suicide. It seems unthinkable, but the truth is, some people just put the happiness up as a defense. When the death comes around, it's a shock because the person made sure no one would be able to stop him earlier.

Technically, in the story, the paragraphs are hard to follow--you need either indents or spaces between paragraphs.

I imagine writing this was, for you, a hopeful attempt to apply some therapy to your situation. I know I've done the same thing. I sincerely hope it helped you.

Keep writing, and I wish you good luck in the contest.

[Shadows of Sight]

This was wonderfully writen. And i would agree, more people should be made aware of the problem. perhaps with love and compassion from everyone, noone would ever go to the easy way out.
Good Write!