A Survivors Prologue

There is no such thing as Life Is anymore. All there is now is Life Was. And we all must deal with it.

My name is Dylan Jackson; I was a senior at University High School. I have written this out in hopes that whoever discovers it may find comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone, and might prevent any suicidal actions. I know that it's hard right now, but you must keep pushing forward. Any life at this point is crucial to humanities survival.

     If you are reading to find answers to the big questions, you won't find them here. For that I am sorry. I know we're all looking for closure, but that a commodity we'll never have anymore. What I have written is simply nothing more than my story after The End.

On the night before everything came to an end, I remember staying up late. I remember lying on my roof, staring up through the clear night sky at the stars and the full moon, watching as it lazily drifted across the heavens. I remember the moon being brighter than usual, and how the stars glittered like diamonds. I remember the steady, warm breeze as it swept across my face, bringing with it the sweet aroma of orange blossoms from my neighbor's yard, and the chirping sound of the crickets as they rubbed their legs in harmony.

     The calm before the storm, I suppose.

     I also remember from that night the pain my heart was experiencing, and the stinging tears as they swelled up in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. All this because my feelings had been rejected by Ashley Grammer; a friend of mine since elementary school. I remember the bewilderment, the confusion, and the frustration my mind was going through as I tried to make sense of it all. I remember how my body shook with anger from time to time, the way my jaw hurt from gnashing my teeth, and the numb feeling in my knuckles from keeping my fists balled too hard for too long.

     Christ, looking back before they showed up, and all my problems I was going through, it all seems so petty now. Like a child misplacing his favorite toy, and completely freaking out until he got it back. I've--well, we've all grown up in such a short amount of time. We had to. Ignorance and immaturity was something we didn't need anymore if we wanted to survive. We were just seniors in high school though, trying to figure out who we were and what we wanted to become.

     Like it mattered. Once they showed up, all our dreams, our aspirations, everybody's hopes and desires, were ripped away and tossed in the trash like leftover food, only to be replaced with pain and heartache, fear and depression, despair and uncertainty.

     If a month ago you asked me what I wanted to become when I got older, I would have told you something like a producer or director (hell, at this point I would settle for gaffer). If you told me that I would become a zombie slayer, I would've relished the thought for a moment and then continued on, remaining focused on my goals, and dealing with my petty problems.

     On the night before everything came to an end, my biggest problem was having to deal with Ashley Grammer's rejection. I remember earlier that same day confessing my feelings for her, and her rejection, telling me that I was too late, that there was someone else. Course, I already knew that there was somebody else, I just hadn't seen the signs until the day before when I saw the two of them sharing what may have been their first kiss. I knew it was too late, that it was nothing more than a long shot. I was just hoping that, giving our history together, she would've dumped him and come to me.

     You see? Stupid high school drama.

     On the night before everything came to an end, I remember climbing down off my roof (in some ways, I'm still up there), crawling through my window and into my bed, wondering, how could my life get any worse?

     Fate is a total b***h.

Reviews

[Popble]

A great start, definitely liked all the descriptions, I could practically put myself there. I don't have any constructive criticism, It's all been really great so far. I really like zombie stories, I'm even trying to write one myself.

[N.A.S.S]

i like the tone in which this is written. first person, matter of fact, to the point, attracts the reader in.good job.

[Sunflower 20]

I really, really enjoyed this! I loved the way you almost talk to the reader and the descriptions are wonderful, especially about watching the night sky. You also leave the reader wanting to read more due to the way you keep the story intrigingly mysterious. Great start, and keep going! Can't wait to read more :)

[Alexis]

This reads like a voice-over in the beginning of a movie (always a good thing when it comes to first-person.) I can see the potential, and I like the tone.

[Boi]

This is not bad by any means. It does what a Prolougue should do. Give a lot of supporting info but, still keep the reader stuck in your writing.

[Raven Starhawk]

The end line made me agree wholehearted. ^^* As for your story it was a marvelous read. It sort of feels like a page out of my own life.

[Lou Briggs]

I see where you're going with this, and the description is beautiful, but there's way too much of it. I'm 3 paragraphs in, and I only know what's the night sky looks like. If you're trying to achieve a Tolkien or Steinbeck style, you're on the way there, but by the end of the prologue, all I know about the speaker (who I'll assume is the main character) is that he liked a girl named Ashley. And up until then, I didn't know if he was a male or female (and I still don't really know for sure, but again, I'm assuming). The mystery of the impending destruction or what not caused by THEM is wiped out by the twinkling stars

Your writing would benefit TREMENDOUSLY is you found a way to cut your weak verbs and adverbs (ironic, because I just wrote TRMENDOUSLY, which is, in fact, an adverb). For instance, instead of "I remember the moon being particularly bright that night, and how the stars glittered more brilliantly than diamonds", take out the weak verbs and adverbs. "I remember the moon //shining// brighter than usual that night, and how the stars glittered like brilliant diamonds". If you do it the right way, cutting those two aspects out will strengthen your writing.

You're also using the semi-colon wrong. A semicolon (;) is used when you're connect two independent clauses in the same sentence (I love cheese; my favorite is Gouda). However, you're using it in place of a comma (I love cheese; the smelly yellow kind). Since "the smell yellow kind is NOT an independent clause and CANNOT stand alone as a sentence in and of itself, the whole thing, with the semicolon, is grammatically incorrect. However, I do applause your attempt to use it, because it scares the hell out of most beginner writers (I know college English majors who don't know how to use it).

My overall suggestion? Cut a lot of the description out, or condense it somehow. Your wishy-washy way of delivering information (which should be crucial to the book) reminds me of Stephenie Meyer's prologues (yes, I've read the stupid Twilight books, and no, that's not a compliment). Make the prologue something I want to keep reading, that I can't //wait// to keep reading. This is very salvageable, so keep working on it. I'd like to read the rest of the book!

Good luck!

[Hatchling]

very well done!!! Awesome job