The Absence of Existence

I feel like I’m the loneliest girl on earth. There’s such absence of someone, I feel. Someone that doesn’t even exist in my life, but the feel of absence is still there. Like I should do something about it. Search my other soul which is lost somewhere, or stuck somewhere, unable to reach me. Why do I feel that? I am nineteen, the feeling it’s not mostly physical, it mostly is spiritual but deeply related to my physical being. I feel a need to embrace that self. To talk, share. But I can’t find it. I feel like I have to find it. There’s at least someone in this planet, let it be someone not my religion, not my race, but someone, there’s got to be someone that will meet this absence. I dream, every day, every moment when I look myself at the mirror, if I were born in one of those European countries, how’d my life be? How’d I lead it? Will I be sleeping around or reserve my virginity for marriage? What if I were a Buddhist or a Christian or someone who doesn’t go with religions. What if I were this same face and same body but in some different, a very different land with different people. Where would my happiness lie then? Why would I be crying then? And then would I find that other self that I’m searching so badly for? Now? Or would it ever even cross my mind? Maybe at the end of some other world, someone is thinking the same like me. We’re in the same page, yet how we could bump into each other someway is unknown. And there’s no possibility that we’re each other’s halves. We’ve got same thinking same wants but we don’t need each other. We need what we need, what we want, different from ours but on the same direction to finding someone whose absence we feel in our life without their existence to it.