Strawberry Jelly

I made strawberry jelly today, and it reminded me of you.

Which, I know is ridiculous.

It was that jelly that you buy and you pull apart the cubes and pour boiling water on and then put in the fridge to set,

And the smell was strong and it reminded me of you.

There was no reason for it to remind me of you, we had never made jelly together, you don’t smell like strawberry, I bet you don’t even like jelly.

I didn’t even want to be thinking of you, really, because I knew that you weren’t thinking of me. You’ve spent the day having a good time without me.

And I don’t mind, I really don’t, or at least I know I shouldn’t even though I certainly do, but there’s not very much I can do about that, is there?

Is there?

I mean I think about you all the time and you don’t think of me.

Not that I’m saying you’re not thoughtful or that you don’t think about me because of course you do,

That’s not what I mean. I don’t know what I mean.

Maybe I mean nothing.

Maybe I’m just a stupid, insecure, neurotic idiot.

Maybe as soon as you realise that, you’ll leave me.

Maybe you’ll leave me anyway.