Submerge

 

Submerge

Written: 2001 after being granted full custody of my 10 year old twin brothers following the suicide of our mother and my father.

 

I get it out on paper

so that I don't have to remember

your face

my face

confrontation

Through exclusion

comes the false illusion of safety...

comes the execution of all existent

intimate emotion

 

pleading for the end it all begins

pleading for the end it all begins

 

forsaken

in this barren desert of solitude

this frantic metropolis of responsibility

so lost and so alone in shifting sands of impossibility

This mess of man I now stand before thee

hollow and incomplete

however

I will strive to nurture the remnants of our fallen family tree

Come near, come now and come whole heartedly my brothers

I will try to fill the void

now that all is lost

I will be everything that you need

I will take you both under my wing and from this moment on

I promise to care for you as my own

 

if there is a need

from you

for me

I will fulfill that need

lovingly

unconditionally

 

I have spent the majority of my life wishing death

no longer may I be so selfish with myself

as I have two boys to raise now

and a dog that was praised and loved dearly

 

I am all that remains therefor I must

continue what those before me had left undone

I must persevere

be there for those in need

I must take over where the ends were left open...and this I vow to do...

 

Father

I wish that we had been able to know one another closer

I will watch over your mother and sister for you now that you're gone

I will remember you forever as I will always be your son

be it in life or death

these facts are constant

 

Mother

I forgive you

I will raise your children into men to the best of my ability

I will overcome any obstacles in our way to keep your beloved three sons together

I will continue to make you proud

I will continue to make you proud

and I will not leave this world, this mortality the way that you did

...again...

I forgive you

 

No more

mother

father

battery

beating each other violently...

rest now loved ones

as you no longer have to shed all of those tears

 

Beloved family

I will take all of your pain into me

I now set you free

free of all your pain and suffering that life handed you daily

I will take it unto me

and I will persevere

Reviews

[Poeticpiers]

A monumental task my friend may your way be smooth as possible. To undertake the role of both parents who opted out and find forgiveness for them is admirable. your work is well written and touched me deeply