The Water

I don't really know how to describe this. Beautiful things are oftentimes the most dangerous.

The water’s surface

Is silent, unbroken

Reflecting the light

From the stars above.

Its gentle rocking, its serene tides

Pull you in.

You shed your clothes,

Your skin,

Your woes,

Take a deep breath,

And dive.

A sack of bones, adrift.

From a distance, it looks

Like peace.

But only for a moment.

Then the current

Pulls you in

Sucks you under

Crashes over you.

You fight, you scream, you kick and cry

But alas, it is too late.

 

In the silent water,

In the calm, unbroken blue,

The wide-eyed fish watch

As another joins their ranks.

Author's Note

The ending is slightly iffy. Any suggestions?

Reviews

[Beka Perry]

I like it a lot :) Really good!

[Deandra Dawn]

Very deep, I really like this one. I think the ending is fine as is. Good job.

[Mockingbird]

starts off serenely then becomes dark and sinister. i think the ending is just fine.
very effective piece.

[Artiste de Mots]

I love it! Unfortunately, I can relate to this tragedy. However, you described it so beautifully I was intrigued! Great job! :D

[T. F. Rice]

I agree with you, the end is not consistent with the rest of the poem. Try a rewrite!

[T. F. Rice]

This poem placed Honorable Mention in The Other Herald's contest themed "Water", so the author's name and title of this piece appeared in a contest results listing in a recent issue of TOH. It was the Jan. 2012 issue #51, themed for the four elements (including Water).
The Other Herald is a small-press print publication "Heralding the art of words" since 2006. Some images of the issue can be viewed online at the following links:
http://www.otherherald.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/TFRice?section_id=5079745
Congratulations on placing in the contest! ~Editor

[Black]

ow In not on xD

[Black]

In the silent water,

In the calm, unbroken blue,

The wide-eyed fish watch

As another joins their ranks.

instead of as another joins their ranks

as accompanies them on their indefinete blue?