Know Nothing.

Recently, I have been accused of being a liar by those who "love" me. By my "family". All my life I have been "good" and when I break out, it is considered a "sin", a "bad" thing.....

I never had a peaches-n-cream mind, never had dreams of marriage and a family full of love, never had dreams of unicorns and bunnies.  No.  When I was a little girl, I had no dreams.  Just utter black darkness.  When I was a little girl, I could smile and feel, and i was entirely oblivious to pain, to depression, to anxiety.  I knew of fear.  I knew of true laughter.  Now, that has changed.

 

I know nothing.

 

I do not know my family by heart, nor myself.  I know nothing of my "friends" and I know nothing of faith, true faith.  I look and walk and live through the days like a zombie, just waiting to be decapitated.  I wait with growing impatience.  And I...I am a rouge zombie.  I attack only my prey: Myself.  I take out the livid fury that no one beileves I have on myself.  And I cry like a baby.  I cry myself to sleep every night, quiet, and with no one to hold me.  No one to comfort me.  And that's fine and all.  I don't need comfort, someone to hold me, nor love.

 

I need to die.

 

I need my body to perish.  I need out of this life, right now.  i'm becoming desperate but something hold me back, and it's the damn fact that I care about my family!  I care enough to not hurt myself nor them!  I care enough for them!  I just hate myself! I hate myself!  It's a scar on my body, those words!  And that is not a figure of speech, it's a true fact, true reality!!

 

I've lost myself along the way of this twisting, narrow road, and my feet are cramping, I am tired, I am done.  Mother and Father continue to side with people against me.  They say they love me, and say they know what is best.  They say they're here to help, but they never let me speak, never let me get the full story out.  They assume far too much!  They're backwards beings!  They say one thing and do another!!  You damn liars!  They force me to what is considered right to them, but wrong to me.  They say I should take responsibility for my actions but they never give me the chance!!  Liars!!  Have you no mercy?!  Have you no heart?!  And you say you love me!?!

 

When the time comes, I will let all my darkness out and when I am done, I will be dead.  By my own hands.  And they can hate me even more for all I care.  And they can find the all and knowing god, look to him for something unknown.  But I will remain silent like always.  I will never speak again.

 

I know nothing!

 

I have let the anger build with no release.  Because I have no right to feel this way.  At least not in their minds, nor god's, nor any one elses!  Little miss me is suppose to be the goody tow shoes of the family, and the obident slave!  And I am not to react to anything.  I am not to tell a soul.  And I am not to know.

 

I know nothing.

Author's Note

I know it was long, and I thank you for taking your time to read this. Please review.

Reviews

[K.C. Zbryk]

the pain behind this piece is astounding and the sad truth is that no one wants to be called a liar. the way that you compare yourself to a zombie is fascinating and that your only prey is yourself left my jaw hanging. It was not what i expected.

Living with hippocrates can take a toll on you especially when you are never listened to completly, but be strong there will be a time when you will be able to soeak and they will have to listen. Let then have the chance to hear you before all they have is yor actions.

This piece is dark and held me captive the whole way through. It reminded me of my youth in a lot of ways... I hope things look up from here, and look forward to reading more of your captivating works.

[Wolfwind]

This piece is an echo of scenes playing out in my inner mind. You describe things well, robustly and with a confidence and purity that makes the reader take it all in. While I can feel the frustration that you show against the parents and their blind ways... If in that world, I'd be asking, what is the full story? For people can not make proper decisions with out all the facts. And even if they did have all the facts, sometimes they won't listen until someone other that yourself shows them the light.

But I must say, this piece makes one think and want to reach out and aid, in what ever ways they can.

Keep writing... It helps. :)

Aaron