All I Have Are Wishes.

This a serious matter in my head, maybe not others, but to me alone.

I wish for the rain to pour from the Heavens’

And the pain to come quickly, the red metal to ooze.

I want the blade to call me theirs, and to cry when I am gone.

I want to find true love when I am at my worst

Because if someone can handle the horrid being inside,

The darkest part of me,

Then they’ll be able to handle the joyous of me.

When I dream of love, all I see when I wake up

Are those red eyes staring back at me in the mirror,

A pale beauty to others, but a sick green to me.

All I see is straw doll hair, orange and red, like fire,

Amber eyes that are cloudy with ghosts and always asking for answers.

Mother says it’s in my head.

It is really.  The blobs of colors with claws, and the voices

Whispering my name as I rise to the surface of waking,

Their hands reaching and clawing me to stay asleep.

And the night air is cold too, cold as ice.

And the sun is still gone, black in the night sky, but the chilling inside remains

Though Sis says I am warm on the exterior.

I ask mom what’s wrong with me.

She just says it’s in my head.

But I feel like a monster.

I feel like a beast with claws and fangs and horns and wings of the Devil.

I feel possessed by the Darkness within.

Mother doesn’t know that feeling, nor does anyone else in this family.

They say God can heal all.  Can he heal the liquid heart I have back to a solid beating?

They say God knows all.  If he did, why did he let me live?

I am Undead now, and Mother says this is pathetic.

I think not.  I think I have a wild imagination leaking into reality.

So I wish for the wings to become real, the fangs to sink into flesh, and for my body to soar.

I want to fly above this fake world into the unknown.

And I most definitely want love like no other,

Someone to share these dreams with,

And be understood.

It's a wish most definitely,

And it is ALL I have left.

Author's Note

Seriously.

Reviews

[screamin'ian]

This is awesome! The narrative flowed freely through stark and painfully clear imagery.
It is in your head. More specifically in the flood of hormones a young body is assaulted by. It will pass, eventually.
And, eventually too, you will find someone to fulfill your wish to share your dreams with.
Count yourself lucky you have wishes and dreams. Nurture them without ever losing hope. :-)
Well done! A real slice of "teen angst."

[adriana E]

I wish you would write a poetry book. The power in your words are SO inviting to keep on reading your poetry. I hear you loud and clear...Keep going, be content with yourself you have the potential.

[Wolfwind]

The road block is that others pick and choose their pieces they which to love about a person. It's like a knife upon the soul of the individual who's trying to just survive. I've seen the road block's negative nature and the world seems to be filled with it. That is more a tragedy than anything.
I've always believed that it's truer to want to get to understand, accept and know a person in their entirety, for each facet is important to them, thus should be important to those who wish to befriend them. Perhaps I'm just different, I don't know.
I feel these words to the core and can relate.

Aaron