Bullets

Bullets

 

Everything I ask for is too complex in the minds of others, too burdensome, too wrong.

"Stop hiding!  Stop living in a fairy tale world!  Nothing revolves around you!"  they all yell at me.

"I know the world doesn't revolve around me, but give me a chance!" I scream back.  "Let me show you what I am capable of!"

"You are capable of nothing!" they spit.  "Nothing you can do is right."

They slam the door in my face.  They beat me with words.  They hurt me so.

At the end of the day, I whisper, "Be careful...I'm not bullet proof."

When I am alone, I slip into a crazied wanting for someone to hold me.  To call me love, theirs, to claim me.

When I am alone, I don't care if I am contagious.  I would not care if You were dead.  I'd still kiss You.

I just want to be gullable for the rest of my life.

I just want to be naieve, so much that I can live and let die.

I want to recite the reasons why I smile.

There is just a few:

My God; My memories that I can decifer with accuracey; and more importantly: You.

I knwo it seems much, overbearing but honey, know this:

I am a lunatic.

I am a kind tender person.

I can be crazy.

I can be over reactive.

But most of all: I can be me.

They tell me, "You are toxic water.  Liquid poison that no one wants to drink."

It's quite sad once I realize my life has been a lie.  Everything I've told myself was all fake.

But the truth...It scary, and suddenly, the scary becomes inviting and I want it more and more.

I just want that thrill, that belonging, that raw power You give me.