How Long Has It Been?

Should I say I gave up, it is to lie again,
And should I let you go, is to kill again.

I do not doubt it.
Made a vow to love you like no other.

In fitting silence, I find a way to sing,
To pour it all out until I'm sick and throwing up.

Though I'd rather speak to you than walls,
Love you madly than to shamefully kill you.

In this winter quiet, spoken noises are cherished.
You're moving away.

And it's a desperate clawing at walls to watch you go,
Fade with the wind like the rest.

I stay in shadows and watch with wide eyes like fire
And a heart beat is vital with poison.

Do you dare want to look back?
Hold my breath until communication fails.

This is not a test.
Should I say I love you?