Zoos Aren't Animal Prisons; They're Animal Resorts!

After school the group of five, comprised of James, Josh, Seth, Liz and Ash entered James' living room to see his mother and two aunts sprawled around a low table covered in empty beer cans, each in various states of inebriation.

"There's my wonderful son," his mother said.

"Hello mother," James said.

"Oh good, you've brought your friends.  Hi everyone!"

"Jenny!" Liz and Ash cried out in unison before rushing over to hug her.

"I missed you guys too," Jenny said in between her laughs.

"You saw them two days ago," James pointed out.  "Don't you remember?"

"Really?" Jenny said.  "Seems like much longer."

"Definitely does," Ash said.

"Come join us everyone!" Jenny said and Josh and Seth soon joined the group.  The only one left by the doorway was James.

"I'm gonna go start on dinner," James said, before leaving.

James' aunts started staring at Seth across the table.

"Have we met that one before?"

"I'm not sure.  Hello!  We're James' aunts, I'm Lucy, she's Zoe."

"Erm..." Liz said.  "You've met him before, he's Seth.  In fact, you've known him longer than us."

"Oh right," Lucy said.  "I remember now, he's the quiet one."

"How much have you had to drink already?" Ash asked.

"Doesn't look like that many cans on the table," Liz noted.

"We've already made a recycling sweep," Jenny informed them.

"Ahh," Liz said.  "I see."

A drunken Jenny placed an arm around both Liz and Ash either side of her.

"I missed you guys," she said.  "James is so boring.  I'm really glad you two became his friends."

"We're glad too," Liz said.

"It's hard to believe you've only known each other for two years," Jenny remarked.  "Feels like so much longer."

"Yep," Liz said.  "We transferred here at the start of lower sixth.  That's almost two years."

"If I'm honest..." Jenny began.  "I was a bit happier seeing him with Ash than Liz."

"Huh?" Liz said.

"Sorry sweetheart," Jenny said.  "It's nothing personal, I just like James to spend more time around boys.  Must be hard for him living in a house full of girls."

"You thought of Ash as a masculine influence on James?" Lucy commented.  "He's more feminine than Liz."

Liz's laugh was soon cut short by Ash saying, "I don't know why you're laughing, that says more about you than it does me."

"Where did you guys go to school before?" Zoe asked.

"Wilma Hulme academy," Liz said.  "It's this posh all-girls boarding school out in the country."

"What about you Ash?" Zoe said.

"Same," he said, causing a flurry of quizzical looks to be directed at him.

"I knew he was a girl," Josh said.

"I'm not a girl," Ash said.  "I just went to an all-girl's school."

"I see..." Josh said.  "Now would be the point where you explain a bit more."

"Well me and Liz have always been together since I was two," Ash said.

"Our mothers were close friends," Liz said.

"But when it came time for secondary school, her mum sent her off to the academy," Ash said.

"She said she was worried about me spending all my time around boys coz I’ve got three older brothers and no sisters, which I always considered her fault," Liz said.  "And my best friend was a boy so she wanted me to spend some more time around girls."

"She was so silly," Ash said.  "She thought that would make her more feminine but she’s always been the Queen of the tomboys and always will…or should it be King?  Anyway, when I heard this I insisted on going with her."

"Are you kidding me?" Jenny said.  "There’s no way I’m believing this."

"It’s true," Liz confirmed.  "Ash came with me and pretended to be a girl."

"It wasn’t that hard," Ash said.  "I always had a pretty face and long hair, I was mistaken for a girl all the time anyway."

A few seconds of silence passed, which was shattered by a roar of laughter from Jenny and her sisters.

"This is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard," Lucy said.  "There’s no way this can be true.  What did your mother think?"

"She was alright with it," Ash said.  "She said if I could pull it off then OK.  I think she was pretty curious to see if I could succeed.  She even helped me.  She knew someone there so she made sure it was me and Liz sharing a room and she made sure the gender was changed on my birth certificate when she emailed it.  My name’s unisex anyway so that was alright."

"That's incredible," Zoe said.  "What was it like?"

"It was great," Ash said.  "I was one of the most popular girls in school."

"That did get a little annoying sometimes," Liz said.

"Liz isn't good at getting on with girls," Ash said.

"So why'd you leave?" Jenny asked.

"Well, my mum died in the summer holidays after year 11 and so we came back to town for the funeral," Liz said.  "Then we realised, why go back?"

"It was getting difficult anyway since I was getting older and it was hence trickier to keep it a secret, you know?" Ash said.  "It was annoying having to mask my voice after it broke.  Hey Josh, you wanna know the secret of imitating a girl’s voice?  Most guys think its speaking higher but that’ll wreck your throat if you try to keep it up.  The trick is simply speaking softer."

"Why would I ever need to know that?" Josh said.

"You never know when a skill will come in handy," Ash pointed out.

"I’m so pleased you guys did come back to town," Jenny said.  "If you hadn’t, I never would’ve got to meet such interesting people.  Are you gonna stay for tea?

"Alright," Liz said.

"Yay," Jenny said.

***

James was preparing dinner in the kitchen when Josh entered.

"Need a hand?" he said.

"Do you actually want to help or are you just looking for a place to hide out?"

Josh let out a guilty laugh while removing a drink from the fridge.

"Oh no," Josh said sarcastically.  "I've been found out.  I just need a break from in there.  Ash and Liz are taxing at the best of times, but when you put them in the same room as your mother, they take their annoying abilities to a whole new level."

"Yeah, that's about right.  You gotta admit though, they've made things pretty entertaining since coming to our school.  We're gonna miss it soon when our last year is over."

"Doubtful."

"We’ll see, when the exams are over and we never go back to school ever again, we’ll probably never see each other again and you’ll find yourself even missing those two."

"What are you talking about?  Of course everyone will still see each other.  Do you even know what anyone’s got planned for after school’s over?"

"No.  It seems like a boring topic."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don’t know.  I had always thought I’d go to Uni. and then get a boring but stable job, but there’s no such thing, is there?  Everyone thought the financial industry was stable and look at that."

"I suppose so."

***

James' family and friends were all having dinner on the low coffee table while simply sitting on the floor.

"You know, I'm really looking forward to the weekend," Ash said.

"Got something planned?" Jenny said.

"Yep.  Liz and me are going to the Zoo."

"Sounds fun"

"It’s gonna be great, I haven’t been since I was a child.  Wait, Zoo’s aren’t cruel are they?"

"What do you mean?" Liz asked.

"Aren't they like animal prisons?" Ash said.

"No, not the modern ones.  They’re not kept in cages, they’re given huge pens to run around in like mini nature reserves."

"But wouldn't they prefer to be in the wild?"

"Are you kidding?  The ones in the wild wish to go to Zoos, they’re great.  They get fed and top quality medical care, all other animals are jealous of them."

"Oh...well, that's OK then."

Seth suddenly rose to his feet, attracting everyone's attention.

"Looks like Seth has gotta get back," Josh noted.

"Bye Seth!" everyone at the table cried out as he went to exit.  Seth shot them a wave before leaving.

"I'm curious," Lucy said.  "Can that one even speak?"

"Wanna hear something weird?" Ash said.  "I don't think I've ever heard him say anything."

"Me neither," James admitted.  "But he spends most of his time with Josh so he must talk to him."

"Nope," Josh said.

"Seriously?" Liz said.

"He’s been my best friend since childhood and I’ve never heard him utter a word," Josh said.

"Can he speak?" Jenny wondered.

"I asked his mum about it a while ago," Josh said.

"What did she say?" James said.

"She told me a story," Josh said.  "Apparently, when he was three, he still hadn’t spoken and his mum was worried.  She took him to the Doctor’s and they found no medical reason for him being mute.  She then suggested to him to go to a child psychologist and you know what Seth said?"

"He spoke?" Liz said.

"Yep," Josh said.  "He told her to f**k off."

Most people around the table burst out laughing.

"Are you serious?" Ash said.  "When he was three?"

"That’s what she said," Josh said.  "She was so shocked but also kinda relieved that he could talk.  I don’t think she ever brought it up again.  As far as I know, he hasn’t spoken since."

"What a strange boy," Lucy said.

"Well the company he keeps isn’t exactly normal either," Zoe said.  "Like Ash, I’ve often wondered why you always wear that hat."

"I just like it," Ash said.

"I guess there's no better reason than that," Jenny said.

***

Jane sat at the desk in her bedroom, working furiously as her mother opened the door.

"Jane?" she said.  "I'm going to bed now, don't work too hard."

"Mmm," Jane said, but showed little sign of stopping.

Her mother was about to say something, but instead let out a tired sigh and closed the door.

***

Ash cycled down a road on a beautiful sunny day without a care in the world.  Well, he did have one care.  He cared about the little angry dog that was currently chasing after him.

Ash shot a glance backwards to see the small dog steadily falling further and further behind him.

"Ha!" Ash cried out.  "Take that you dumb dog.  No animal can beat a human!"

As the confident Ash reverted his gaze back in front of him, he spotted a woman crossing the road almost directly ahead.  He swerved to avoid her, forcing a crash and sending him sprawling across the road.

"Are you okay?" the woman said after rushing over to him.

"Don't worry," said Ash as he jumped to his feet.  "I'm fine."

The relieved smile on her face quickly disappeared as the little dog jumped on Ash and took him to ground after catching up.

***

"So that's why you were late?" Liz asked as she and Ash sat on a bench at the Zoo.

"Pretty much."

A field trip of primary school children came by to look at the giraffes in the enclosure behind them.  One giraffe approached the barrier in response to the children but soon became distracted by Ash's head, which he decided to lick for reasons known only to him.

The sudden sensation of a giraffe tongue licking the back of his head sent Ash jumping up in fright and the primary kids giggling.

"What the...!" Ash cried out.

He immediately turned to the giraffe and pointed an accusing finger at its face.

"Listen here mister giraffe," Ash lectured him.  "We do not lick other creatures without their permission."  At which point, the giraffe licked his finger.  "Hey!  Didn't you listen to me?  Liz!  The giraffe's bullying me!"

The primary children onlooking started to engage in full laughter and even Liz failed to stifle her own smile.