no...

The boy lay awake

a plan being replayed

time and again

he would kill him

that would solve the problem

an accident while out shooting

the fence the blast 

but what about guilt

would he feel guilt

could he cope with guilt

and so to fitful sleep.

The boy lay awake

a plan being replayed

time and again

he would kill him

that would solve the problem

fix the brakes

he’d drive down the lane

or over the cliff

but what about the guilt

would he feel the guilt

could he live with the guilt

and so to restless sleep.

The boy lay awake

every night going over

and over the plan

was it four or five years

until he found escape

in drugs in alcohol

numbing the pain

soaking the agony

not having to think

not having to plan

until the pain was forgotten

a new numbness of mind

Post traumatic empathy

even not caring

has consequence

life has its downs 

and its downs

and further downs

ten years down the road

he’d forgotten the plans

he no longer cared

the tiredness that time inflicts

20 years and 30 years

no light no hope no plans

no sleep no dreams

no…