Unreal

There is this beautiful girl, brown hair and hazel eyes who was reading one of her utmost books, Twilight in front of the doors at wonderland. She had not gone in because her friends had ditched and left her all alone. She had no money or a ride to get home. The girl was worried but was so quiet she was unnoticeable. This boy, tall and very handsome teenager, had gone to the Halloween haunt with his group of Jock friends. After he had paid for his ticket and waited for his friends, he recognized the girl from school. He is a very genuine young man who tries to make peace with everyone. He decided to go and see what she was doing. Being the nervous "nerd" she is, she was afraid when she saw him. The first comment was "what are you doing out here all alone". After 2 minutes of waiting for her reply she whispered that he had been ditched by friends. He left after that to buy another ticket, went up to her and said that he was going to be her friend for the evening. She was secretly happy and he did show that emotion. With this girl, it was hard to make friends. She didn't have a good life because she was living in a foster care home since her house was burnt down by someone in the family but not known which did it and why. She was always bullied but had so much potential and strength that she carried on-no cuts no nothing. She was pure. In this evening she had the best time of her life and wish it never had ended. The boy had basically split with his friends just for this girl to give her something that she deserved-happiness. During the scary roller coasters they went on, the boy had kissed her cheek and held her hand so she wasn't afraid. At the end of the night, they had went their own ways. But on her way home, she wrote in her favorite book, that this book was a memory of the most amazing time of her life, all because of this one guy, one young man who had the courage to help her have a good time and prove that she was not invisible to the world. When he walked with her, she stopped him telling him that he should not see where she lived, lying that her father would not be proud of this action. As any young man in the time, he accepted, kissed her and thanked her for making him smile during the precious time together. When she got to the foster care home, she couldn't stop smiling. Everyone questioned but nobody dared to ruin it for her because they know what a beautiful wonderful person she is. The next day at school, the boy had seen her and talked to her during lunch, not giving a care in the world who saw. When that boy got home, he told his brother everything and typical of his brother said that she is special and should keep her close. This turned a light bulb in the boy's mind; he decided to make her feel special and someone does care for her. He doesn't exactly love her though! So later in the months of school, they have hung out many times, that was until he decided to keep her distracted by talking to her when he walked her home after working on a school project. She stopped with teary eyes when they had arrived in front of her foster care home. She claimed she never wanted him to find out because he'd make all kinds of fun about her in front of the school because truth is, she had always had trouble trusting people, especially people she'd come close to because they had abandoned her. When she started pouring out her soul, he kept her in his arms and told her over and over, he'd never think less of her then what he knows of her already and that living in this home doesn't change anything about their connection. He walked her to the door to make sure she was fine. Until this day, she believed in God and had begun to trust him. In a few months was going to be prom! The boy had decided to ask the girl since her girlfriend dumped him since he was spending most of his time with the girl. He had the entire school involved in the promposal. When the girl entered the building, everyone was put at their station. She had felt something was going to happen. This girl kept seeing eyes of her peers that she had first though they were going to cut through her soul but for the first time in her life that in those eyes, she had observed genuine happiness. It gave her the most amazingly warm feeling she had ever had.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Reviews

[Leslie Philibert]

Nice job, maybe difficult to work through due to the layout, but with fine content

[Crystal Marie Dreier]

I like it, though it would be a little easier to read if it were separated into more or less paragraphs, I think it would be an amazing story if you added more dialect to it, as if they were having conversation. But over all great write.