Break Up

A couple breaking up. Maybe. Strongish language.

We’re done.

Finished.

At the end of the line.

Never going to see each other again.

Ever.

Well, that’s a relief.

I’m sure it is.

C**t.

Fuckwad.

God, do you ALWAYS have to do this?

Do what?

Your damn temper tantrum.

You do it.

All the f*****g time.

Oh please, like you’re any better, Mr. Pompous A*s sir.

Shut it.

My apologies, Sir A*s!

I’ll make sure to do that in the future!

Yup, I’ll definitely shut up later.

When I’m not trying to annoy the hell out of you.

…

I’m succeeding, aren’t I?

No you aren’t.

You’re not succeeding in anything.

I don’t give a s**t about any of this.

You’re just embarrassed to admit that I’m winning.

Winning what?

Everything.

Will you stop talking?

I thought we already went over this.

Like, a minute ago.

   I was hoping you’d actually do it this time.    

I AM annoying you, aren’t I?

Fine.

Yes.

You are.

So shut up.

Make me.

I would, if the obvious solution wasn’t completely disgusting.

Obvious solution?

What are you talking abo…

Oh.

Oh, f**k you!

I don’t want you to f**k me though.

It’d be a terrible experience.

You didn’t seem to hate it last time…

That was last time, before I remembered what an utter b***h you were.

Same here.

Before I remembered how much I hated your guts.

So in other words, we both hate each other.

Yup.

And never want to see each other again.

So it would seem.

Well, glad we got that cleared up.

Indeed.

Just so you know…

What?

I despise you.

I hate every fiber of your being.

With the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.

Ah.

Luckily for me, I return that hate with the white hot intensity of a million suns.

Which, with any luck, will blow up in your face and kill you.

Thanks for the good tidings.

Anyway, I’ll be leaving now.

Here’s your key.

Thanks.

I’ll be sure to give it to my new girl.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hope you choke on a pretzel.

 

She reached the door and paused.

 

In other words, see you tomorrow?

Is five okay?

Sure, why not?

Mmkay, see you then.

 

It was rather confusing, and all the people around them thought they were insane.

To be fair, though, neither of them understood it either.

 

Author's Note

Started out to be a one person monologue about breaking up and then transformed into a weird pseudo conversation.