Stabbing

Why stabbing sucks. Warning, uses strong language. Also may be considered distasteful by some.

Getting stabbed to death is, in my opinion, one of the suckiest things in the world. Seriously. The guy just grabs you and starts jabbing a knife into you, over and over, and blood starts coming out and you start to panic worse than when you got an F on that one math test. And then he just runs away and you’re left on the ground bleeding to death.

            That’s another thing that sucks about it. You don’t die instantly, it’s a slow, painful process. The fact that I couldn’t be killed with something simple – like, y’know, my throat being slit or something – kinda pisses me off. I was a good person, and what goes around comes around, right? Right. Damn karma, you liar.

            Anyway, so you’re dying, right? And you’re laying there and bleeding and trying to call for help, only it sorta hurts so you can’t really make any sound. And then all of a sudden you remember those books where the fallen warrior bleeding on the ground says his last words. And when they say last words, they mean last f*****g oral tale of his life or some s**t, because man, they stay alive for the longest time and they don’t even sound like they’re getting weaker.

            Not so in real life. I couldn’t even say, “Help!” I was too busy gurgling (on my own blood, you might’ve guessed).

            But you know what the worst part was? I was wearing my favorite shirt, and that guy f*****g ruined it. When he was done, there was a giant f*****g tear in it – my FAVORITE SHIRT, D****T! I’d taken a white t-shirt and made it myself! And now I couldn’t even let my friend have it! Ugh, f**k, stabbers are SO inconsiderate!

            Now, I’m sayin’ all this and you’re probably like, “What the hell? Why are you talking about this, you sick f**k?” And it’s not ‘cause I’m a sick f**k. I mean, I am a sick f**k, but that’s not why I’m talking about it.

            I’m talking about it so that if you’re about to or thinking about murdering someone and want to do it with a knife, don’t stab them. Slit their throats. There’s a lot less chance they’ll spend hours writhing on the ground, and then if they happen to be wearing their favorite shirt, it won’t get ruined.

            So please, for the good of everyone, don’t stab people, because it sucks.

Author's Note

Uh, so, yeah! I've been having writer's block lately and also I wanted to put something up here, so I kinda forced myself to write this... weird... thing. Ahahahah. Um. Review if you wish? S'not very good though.

Reviews

[Drew Wade]

This is really really funny. I think I like this sense of humor of yours. And also, you brought up a lot of good points. haha.

anyway, I don't usually review unless I think I can help out in some way, so here's my one piece of advice in an otherwise great great story... "And when they say last words, they mean last f*****g oral tale of his life or some s**t, because man, they stay alive for the longest time and they don't even sound like they're getting weaker." When you say 'oral tale', it's kind of redundant. you could just say tale, because the people know already that the dying person is talking..

anyway, great, and hilarious. good job.

[Comfortably Numb]

Oh MAN. XD

This made my day. And thank you for educating the world on how much being stabbed sucks.

[Kathryn Star, Shine!]

Again, reading your work again, I am at a lost for words. This is a story about death, stabbing and life... all complicated in each topic. I look forward to reading more of your work. ks =)

[vampireprincess]

*laughting to death and gone to the hospital and came back*This story is so cool and i agree with mostlyl.

[deactivated account. pl..]

*smiles* maybe I have a sick sense of humor, but you have brightened my week with this.
[[[:
keep it up.