Learn the Truth from the Lies and Misdirection

  Before you hear my story, you must learn the truth from the lies. Yes vampire do exist. We are creatures of the night, but we are much more than that. You may have heard that we are afraid of garlic, that's a lie. We have superior noses so certain smells are a lot more volatile to us; even certain kinds of cheese's will make us blue in the face. However with training we can over come it. We don't have reflections is also another lie. Object's that have no eye's do have reflections : rocks, plants, soccer balls, and corpses have reflection, but can't see them. We can't cross running water, is a lie, but we have no idea who created the lie. That one is one of the more far fetched lies about us. Do we drink blood ,and can we eat normal food, yes and yes. We can eat normal food ,but receive no nutrition from it. Some vampire's don't even bother eating. So we drink blood in order to live. Can we be hurt by sunlight, yes, but I personally believe that with training even the sun we can tolerate.

And the grand finale are we just a bunch of lawless, government less monsters? No! We have rules and laws that we must keep in order for our species to survive, and we even have classification for us vampires. Yearling, are vampire's who have lived from Day one to year  ten. The next one is Decadion, are vampire's that have lived from year ten to year one hundred. After that are the Centaurion, that's means you have lived from year one hundred to year one thousand. And after that you are a Theotorion. Their is no classification after that because no vampire's have lived that long. The Theotorions are the rulers of all vampire's. Out of all the rules in the vampire handbook, their is one that isn't written. "No other vampire shall become Theotorion". If you are close to becoming a Theotorion; you will be hunted down and killed. Every vampire has theories concerning the unwritten rule. Some of us  believe that they are afraid of new people entering the Theotorions class and changing the rules.

My name is Dillon, I am a vampire who has lived four hundred years, and right now I am being hunted down by my own kind because I am everything that the Theotorion are afraid of. I will live another six hundred years and become Theotorion and destroy the unwritten rule, and lead my people into the New Age and out of the Middle Ages. That is a promise!

Reviews

[S.Diane.L.]

First off, I'd like to say that your ideas are pretty neat. I, myself, enjoy writing fantasy/vampire stories quite a bit, so I saw this and thought I'd like to read it. The idea of "Laws" is pretty cool, like breathing a new life into the idea of vampires.

Anywhoo~ my biggest problem with this was your use of numbers instead of typing the words out. It just feels... unnatural. The flow of the story was good, up until I read the numbers. That's not to say it isn't good, because I think it is. There is some misuse of punctuation, but it isn't too major.

Anyway, I enjoyed it, and am looking forward to reading more!

[Howling_Wolf]

Thank you S.Diane.L for taking the time to review this. This was my very first story I ever wrote. The other stories on my page were written much sooner; so I guess this is my baby. I also debated between the written version or actual number during that last bit. When I have a minute; I will change it.
I will check out your work later today, and I think I will like it. Have a great day.

[matrixmark]

Loved this from the begining, it really made me feel that a vampire was telling me of their ways.
I really, really, really, really enjoyed reading this so much. I was so wrapped up in the way in which Dillon was speaking, i literally pictured him there right in front of me, telling me all of this information before he had to run as the others were coming for him

WOW.

What a piece.

Mark.

[Lord of mad men]

First off i love this! It great I am a vamp geek name a vamp movie I have seen it a book read it and I love the start best way to start a story. I can't wait to read all of it. And if you don't list like the classes can you please if you want to list them. And I would love to help you if you want it or need it but I highly don't think you need help.you are a wonderful writer. I see a bright future for you. And I would love to have you views on a story I have been writing its like this but well it about you have to read it to understand. But you do not have to if you do not wish to. But I really really loved this! Yours truely a mad lord

[Splatman73]

One thing I've read in other places that I think applies here is don't start a story with an exposition dump. If you can, it would be better to work all this (which is good material) throughout the story. You also need plenty of work on grammar.

Overall this has plenty of potential. Keep working at it and it will be great.

[Howling_Wolf]

Hello Zachary, and thank you for reviewing this. When I started writing this several months ago; I pictured it has a screen play, so its a little different. This was my actual first time writing anything: book, story, or etc. So I'm sure they're mistakes in it. However I'm learning if every piece I write.

[Splatman73]

no prob I get that. My first actual personal writing project was basically fanfiction for redwall.