Wow, this is stunning, the effortless flow of emotion and heartfelt sentiments are really emotively woven...the longing and yearning and emptiness are palpable and the beauty shining through the in-betweens is far reaching...wonderful piece!
If I were seeking to woo a woman's heart, this is a poem that I would sure as hell recite to her beneath the full moon, having memorized each line in anticipation of melting her heart ... Beautifully done ...
Breathtaking. Though I find your use of idented lines a bit redundant, I think the overall stylistic choices, with the punctuation and stanza-length consistent throughout, fit the nuances of the poem. I also like how the metaphors are elegant and a bit over-the-top without making the speaker sound overly dramatic. There's a strong atmosphere of longing and lonliness conveyed in the first stanza that seamlessly progresses throughout. The "waist replaced by sunrise ribbons" description, for both its euphonic sound and uniqueness, was my favorite. Excellent work.
- William Liston
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Thank you William. The indents are just something different for a change.
Superb. This reminds me of a myspace group from the long long ago, called flexwriters, who used to have different challenges each day, with the weekend one always being picture challenges. I loved reading all the different angles people came from and you have manages to capture perfectly the untamed theme, with doing anything in your power for the one you love. Excellent.