More Writers Cafe Rules 11-20.

This is a continuation of the 10 rules of Writers Cafe.

More Writers Cafe Rules 11-20.

A Story by Relic

RULE 11: FRIEND REQUESTS:

Send out friend requests to as many people as you can but don't review any of their work. Many will be under the impression that you enjoyed something they wrote. Experienced writers, however, may be cautious about strangers who have never even said hello to them. 

They'll research your friend's list and notice it growing at an exponential rate. For those that accept you, a peek into your Stats could reveal more reviews received than given. 

Some of you are shy about giving reviews or just plain suck at conversations. You probably just want to see a multitude of faces on your friend's list. Indulge, perhaps they have photos in their accounts you can admire while you're there. On the other hand, you could just wait for someone to review your writing. (See next rule).

Rule 12: READ REQUESTS: 

Send out lots of read requests to new friends that have accepted you. Hey, if they're nice enough to hit the accept button without checking you out first, why not give it a shot right? Otherwise, just follow rule 4 (Reviews) if you're so inclined. 

RULE 13: POINTING OUT ERRORS:

Beware of pointing out any errors in another's writing. Some people actually do appreciate your input; they're not only thankful but also interested in knowing what those errors are. Others, however, are very sensitive and might delete your 'critical' review. They may have worked over five minutes writing that thing. 

Don't take a chance; show them you enjoyed it by using tiny or massive praise. "Great!" is a good start. If however, you're adventurous, you can go all out--"Okay, after reading this epic poem, I'm ready to call it quits. Do you wanna know why? Do you wanna know why? Because I'll never be this good if I live to be 200, okay, okay, I mean come on!" 

Then again, you may not even be giving any reviews. I just figured I'd mention it in case something exciting should happen in your life to motivate you into trying it. 

Rule 14: MENTION WRITERS CAFE:

Mention Writers Cafe in your title. It tends to draw people in. I guess they feel like you're talking about them in some way. Oh, how I remember those dreary days with little reviews until I did this. Perhaps you will have some luck at it as well. Try it.

RULE 15: SELF-PROMOTION:

Advertise your own work in each of your reviews. This is a risky move but could be beneficial. You see, some people can't always understand what a poem means so they look for other opinions to guide them. If you mention one or two of your poems or stories, who knows, you may get an unexpected review out of it. 

For example: Wow, Blah blah, this sounds just like my poem 'The Red blah blah.' Or, perhaps you could even slip in some tension as a hook. "This poem has such impact. I wrote a similar one called "The Green Blah blah. Be careful if you read it, though, the outcome may be too much to handle...for you, or anyone else who reads it." 

(Thanks, LA Lorena)

RULE 16: IMAGES

If you can't think of anything creative to say in a review, just refer to the amazing images. Writers enjoy such comments. It gives them the impression they were more creative than they originally thought.  (Thank you Kimmer for this idea.)

RULE 17: CUT AND PAISTE

If you don't feel like doing a review, simply cut and paste a large portion of the poem followed by the words, "God I Love this, love this, love this!"  This will depict an overwhelming sense of enjoyment you received from a certain stanza you just needed to point out or you'd burst. (Thanks, DrD)

RULE 18: SLIP OUT:

If someone has asked you to give an opinion of his or her poem and you don't have the desire to do so, you can say that it merits much more time than one reading can handle. You want to go over it again to grasp its full impact. That'll buy you some time before you forget about it.     (Thanks, LA Lorena again)

RULE 19: BLOCKING:

On a more serious note, I'd like to end with some words by my friend Frieda...

"This is not a physical contact sport; there is no need for unnecessary blocking. Be the adult, if you are one...and just ignore the person like in real life. Otherwise, see rule #14."

© 2013 Relic

Author's Note

As in the first set of rules, this is told with humor.

Rule 14 was omitted. See Redzone's review and my reply.

Reviews

[CS]

Rule #12 is why you are my friend, right? I suck at conversation. Thank you for letting me keep your house on my friends list so I feel less lonely and have something lovely to look at.

Rule #13....one morning, oh, many moons ago, someone here sent me 27 read requests in one day. I have been traumatized ever since.

Rule #14- Yes, this is a writing site, and we should be adult enough to accept constructive criticism of our work, but really, who wants all that negativity when we can just give overblown gushy reviews where everything we read is "magick" or "beautiful" or "gods gift to mankind". We are here to stroke ego, aren't we? Don't like that someone said you misspelled something in your poem? Delete their review, their friendship, block them completely, and then make up a fanciful story about them to ruin their reputation.

Rule #15-Or, get into arguments with people who genuinely like you for no reason. That has caused some pretty good drama around here too.

My dear sir, this was the most beautifully magical piece of writing ever written in the history of mankind.

P.S. I really did enjoy this :)

[Frieda P]

lmao

[Relic]

Now who's starting rule number 15? and where did my reply to Courtney go?
Thank you Courtney for your review.

[LA Lorena]

I think perhaps she blocked you. I know I did.

[Frieda P]

yep where's the stupid fookin rule on blocking, seriously, who'd wanna block me....hahaa

[CS]

I would never block Relic. He has the prettiest avatar.

[Relic]

Okay, lets relax now. ( under his breath--Christ, what the hell did I do now)

[LA Lorena]

Give it another month Frieda, and half the site will wanna block you. Your funniness disrupts the quiet scholarly atmoshere. Oh s**t, just realized that this comment could be considered a 15 starter.

[Relic]

My comments are disappearing. I like it when you curse LA. ha

[Frieda P]

It's LA's fault I'm sure, and thanks Lorena I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside now...

[Relic]

I feel the end of 15 coming on.

[LA Lorena]

Oh, I can curse! It's how I ended up on the naughty list. Isn't that a poem BTW? That I wrote? SEVENTEEN!!!!!!! ADVERTISE YOUR OWN WORK IN YOUR REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Frieda P]

jaysus I just went to read a 'friends' stuff and I'm blocked again! You have cursed me LA ;P

[Relic]

You got it love.

[Frieda P]

2 down....

[Relic]

Tis done.

I haven't been blocked in a long time. At least not yet.

[LA Lorena]

ya, well it's early yet Relic

[Relic]

Yes, I know, but there's always a chance. Thanks for 17 love.

[Frieda P]

Should make a rule that if someone blocks you for no good bloody fookin reason, there's gotta be an explanation...at least A, B or C!! ;)

[Relic]

Hmm, lets see...

[LA Lorena]

I got blocked my very first hour here! ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Frieda P]

wellll, forget it.....

[LA Lorena]

FRIEDA CHECK YOUR DAMNED INBOX WOULD YOU!!!

[DrD]

I would answer all of you but you're blocked. But Frieda wants a reason . . . . Myrna's jealous.

[LA Lorena]

Myrna? I thought she was yesterdays news? Or is it tomorrow already? Mexican time is different than here, I'm sure. At midnight, is it still today or is it tomorrow already? I'm fookin confused as all hell now.

[Frieda P]

hahah you like that 'fookin' word eh? Myrna can go suck on pickle pancakes!

[DrD]

Get your time straight because Myrna invited you and Frieda to tea tomorrow at 3 p.m. The Midnight Blues Park, lot 32, her trailer is the chrome one with the rounded roof with the four pink flamingos in front.

[Relic]

haha

[DrD]

By the way, Courtney, concerning rule 15, will you marry me?

[†Tracey†]

You all kill me.. My bladder sling is now ruined and I blame WC for it all.. But I'm evil and so therefor art thou that is expected of me.. Now about the block thing.. what's bad is when "someone" blocked so many people they no longer were getting the cream cheese reviews...so humbly we get unblocked ....then the next day ...blocked again. I think I like being blocked..so if anyone wants to block me go ahead. I have the Tracey acct and she'll just blow some fluff my way lmao..xo Oh and I am guilty of Love it.. so I want you to know I love it and this is sensual lmao.. ;)

[†Tracey†]

Oh wait.. I am on the Tracey acct.. so I confuse myself...da*n it.. So scratch that and just know I always have Lily ... ;) lmao

[Relic]

I'll block you for a couple of minutes if you want Tracey.

[†Tracey†]

Ok.. but then can we have cyber sex during that time? Just sayin? lmao

[Relic]

Okay, I'll rub your bottom front. ha

[†Tracey†]

You have no idea what that does to me ...lol

[Frieda P]

OMG, wtf is going on, can't a girl even take a wee without all hell breaking loose around here? haa

[Relic]

Haha, I have an idea.

[†Tracey†]

We're done now it's ok...hahaha

[Relic]

Did you enjoy you wee?

[Frieda P]

DrD getting married, shenanigans going on, I have to figure out Mexican time...and I'm not missing out on those pink flamingo's again...

[Relic]

BTW Frieda, you can find Sylvia on my Palewriter account.

[Frieda P]

You in love with Sylvia too?

[Frieda P]

How do I get to palewriter, is that like WC?

[Relic]

Yup. and anne sexton too. You know I'll be reviewing your poem soon.

[Frieda P]

A Sylvia follower, hope I did her justice....

[Frieda P]

You Relic on that site also?

[Relic]

It should be writerscafe.org/palewriter If not, go to writers and put it in.

[DrD]

Hey, it's not official yet. I just sent the invitations to be printed but Courtney hasn't answered. I called but all I could hear was her laughing. Maybe she was watching cartoons or something. But when it's official, I want you guys to be the bridesmaids. With Myrna, that'll make four. Myrna's all excited and preparing things. Even braiding the hair under her arms.

[Relic]

No just this one. All the notification icons broke and my best poem was lost along with all the reviews (over 500)

[Relic]

hahahaha.

[Frieda P]

Are you having it catered? I don't want pickle pancakes, I'll make meat-a-balls...

[LA Lorena]

Uh Relic, I'd be mighty careful telling Freida to put anything in anywhere. Never know what you'll end up with.

[Frieda P]

OH cool, you have Sylvia's audio for Daddy, I won't listen now, I might go into convulsions and that ain't pretty...unless someone wants to give me mouth-2-mouth. :)

[LA Lorena]

I'm trained in CPR and am a health care professional, but Frieda honey? I have STANDARDS! ;)

[Relic]

Sure, I love giving that to woman. Should I ask Katerina 56 if she wants to make out? She's a new writer here to give business advice.

[Relic]

I'll take her place for her.

[DrD]

No, Myrna wants to cook. She's not very good at it but it's what she wants. She's in the kitchen now and has a question for you. The recipe says to separate two eggs. But it doesn't say how far.

[Frieda P]

you guys have me all discombobulated, posted in the wrong place!
& you don't have to fook me, just save my life for crying out loud!!

[Frieda P]

Depends if she's standing in a north or south facing window....

[Relic]

Okay.

[DrD]

I'll tell her . . . . thanks . . . . oh, can't. She took the bowl into the bathroom. Doesn't know when to stop working, that girl.

[Frieda P]

tell her not to bogart that thang ;)

[KAOlmsted]

You people are blowing up my live feed for f**k's sake!!!!

Oh. Or do I mean fook?
read moreYou people are blowing up my live feed for f**k's sake!!!!

Oh. Or do I mean fook?

Fek it, I don't know...

:-D

[Frieda P]

feck, fook fek it's all the same f**k a duck The kimmy

[Frieda P]

ooops, ...'er' lol

[Relic]

Whatever you do, don't tell Avy we're still on. If she finds out this thread will turn out to be the longest in WC history. haha

[KAOlmsted]

Never...never...call me kimmy, even with the The :-p

Meanwhile, Relic needs to compile the two lists and make one big list then we can all start fresh...God, what am I saying...

[Relic]

Yeah! What ARE you saying?

[Frieda P]

sorry k...i got excited by the bowl, lost my head...longest thread? do ya get a prize so?

[Relic]

They are still in the process of making a badge.

[Frieda P]

do b***s come with that? ;)

[DrD]

She's back, Frieda. Just checking, what color are pickles again?

[Frieda P]

they start with a P right? what color do you think they are? Purple, what else...unless you get the foreign ones, then their that new color 'edible'

[DrD]

Hey Myrna! Let me see that bowl. Frieda says there's no brown pickles!

[LA Lorena]

do b***s come with that? ;)

they should. cuz then, if you don't have time to read and review, you can just wear something low cut and bend over a lot, and they totally forget that you don't do reviews! Oh wait, that only works IRL. never mind.

[Frieda P]

ROFLMAO!

[Relic]

It does. ha

[Frieda P]

still waiting on the b***s and that 'other' rule....

[Relic]

What b***s and other rule? haha I don't even remember anymore.

[Frieda P]

hahaha was wondering why I got dragged back to this thread, forget it, I got my ow b***s ;-)

[Relic]

haha, this think is three miles long. That's tooooo long. Yes, you can have your b***s.

[Frieda P]

I know but it's probably the funniest one on here...& thanks (o) (o)

[Relic]

haha, it takes me a couple of days to get to you on it though. I'm going to PM you.

[Frieda P]

Oh fook, my b***s got separated! hahaha

[Relic]

haha, that's okay with me.

[kimmy]

lol loved the rules of WC..This has made me laugh and wonder:) I am not very good with doing a review but I do try because I would like for people to keep writing. I actually helped someone not to delete their poem. It was really good and no one reviewed, but they were reading it. I write her a comment and sent a few request for her:) She got many reviews now and she is happy with her work.
I don't know why I just shared that lol..I guess to say you are right, review review and review some more:)

[Relic]

And I'm glad you left this review Kimmy. Thank you you for your thoughts.

[Wolfwind]

I love pieces like this. They make me think that I'm living in some Anime Highschool Manga story, which has a tendency to make me laugh. Yet...I'll reduce the laughter to a snicker and a pat on the back for a job well done, as most of what you present has elements of very real truth.

Thanks for the good read! =D
Aaron

[Relic]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read it Aaron.

[KAOlmsted]

"19 If you can't think of anything creative to say in a review, (If you should do one) Just refer to the amazing images. They'll know what that means and if they don't, they'll assume it means something and thank you for your review. (If they decide to thank you)."
-Loved it...the imagery blew me away...reminded me a bit of my own piece entitled "Stupidity Kills"

:-D

[Relic]

hhahahaha

[LA Lorena]

How ironic is it that the blonde chick is the one who is gonna point out that you missed #18?

[Relic]

I'm a blonde guy. :)

[Frieda P]

There's blonde, and then there's BLONDE

[LA Lorena]

LOLOL!

[Relic]

She has more blonde than I do. Some of mine is missing.

[LA Lorena]

We need an 18! Your hair emergency can bloody well wait relic! How about, if you don't have the time or inclination to read someone's work you can just say, I loved it so much, I'm going to come back to it after I have had a chance to read it over and over to grasp its full impact

[Relic]

18? We went past that. Now you're talking 21.

[Relic]

Whoops, I skipped a number. All fixed.

[LA Lorena]

are you trying to get a 15 going with me or what?

[Relic]

Sounds good LA, I'll make it 20.

[Frieda P]

I still don't see a rule for that blocking b.s.

[Relic]

Look at 20. Write one for 21 Frieda and I'll post it.

[Frieda P]

This is not a physical contact sport, there is no need for unnecessary blocking, be the adult, if you are one...and just ignore the person like in real life. Otherwise, see rule #15.

[Relic]

Should I put this as a note at the end? Remember this is all tongue and cheek.

[Frieda P]

what about the b***s?! lol

[Relic]

I don't have any. If I did they'd be in my hands right now.

[Frieda P]

BHAHAHAH

[LA Lorena]

don't walk into this one Frieda!!!!

[Frieda P]

I'll walk backwards, not that you can tell the difference...

[LA Lorena]

Okay, just beware the fookin unicorn then. Relic's been writing poetry and had his b***s in his hands, no telling what state he'll be in! ;)

[Relic]

I think I could tell. I'm experienced in that kind of thing.

[Relic]

haha

[Frieda P]

just don't touch my arse ;)

[Frieda P]

I'll just send Myrna in, you'll never know the difference :P

[Relic]

You can touch mine if you want. It's the soft part.

[LA Lorena]

I'd explain it to you Relic, kind of an inside joke, but then I'd have to go all #17 on you.

[Relic]

Hodl on, let me go see what that i.

[Relic]

Ahh, who is this girl anyway? I have to eat soon, just letting you know

[Frieda P]

I think you end that with, if you don't like it...s**t fire and save matches, f**k a duck and see what hatches...

[DrD]

You forgot one . . . .

"In giving reviews, it's easier just to cut and paste a large portion of the person's poem and then add, "Loved it!"

[Relic]

Good one, I'll add that.

[LA Lorena]

Oh yes! I loved it!

[Relic]

It's been done, we are now up to 20 more rules.

[Frieda P]

the imagery of this piece reminds me of bird poo, it's supposed to be lucky but it's still poop :P

[Relic]

What a nice thing to say Frieda, I appreciate your thoughts. ;)

[LA Lorena]

LMAO!

[Relic]

haha

[Frieda P]

Took ya long enough!! ;P

[Relic]

I wasn't sure if I was coming back on after watching the news. Total coward who should burn in hell!

[LA Lorena]

apparently Relic was busy frieda. maybe writing more poetry? ;)

[Relic]

I wish it was.

[Frieda P]

More rules??

[Frieda P]

News? Are you insane?

[Relic]

Sorry I got mad, I just can't believe what's happening to this world.

[Relic]

Did you hear what happened?

[KAOlmsted]

Love this continuation...you've got the sociology of this site down; I realize you're trying to be funny, and you are, but in my twisted mind I think WC is just some experiment being conducted on us by aliens...yeah. I said it. Aliens. And they're evil f*****g geniuses...yeah. I swore. So? They keep shutting down the site for no reason, just to see what we will do. Last night, they made the font all big. Aliens, man.

:-D

Thanks again for sharing this...I have no doubt there will be more to come. Such as, when you can't think of anything constructive or clever to say about a poem, just go on and on about the amazing imagery ;-)

-kimmer

[Relic]

There you go, it will be done. And yes, I noticed the font error last night as well. If I'm not mistaken, the world ends on the 21st. Maybe that has something to do with it. Who knows? Thank you Kimmer.

[Clayton Bardwell]

Don't worry. Some guy turned the Mayan calendar stone over. It has a guarantee for another thousand years.

[KAOlmsted]

You mean I don't have to go Christmas shopping?? Awesome...

Always a pleasure.

[Relic]

haha, I'm glad to hear that, I'm sure that will make those guys in china who built an ark in fear of the next world ending flood mad though.

[LA Lorena]

LMAO! I do like this Relic! Number 15~I can DO this! I see this here all the time. A big public falling out, then the real fun begins! The cryptic poetry posted back and forth, full of innuendo, scathing comments, vile albeit veiled insults hurled back and forth. OH YES!!!! Quick, someone please piss me off so I might partake of this merriment!

[Frieda P]

Your mother wears combat boots. lol

[Relic]

Thank you LA, You've described 15 to a tee. I'm sure if you stick around long enough some will start in with you. I'd help you out with that but your too nice. (And attractive) hee hee.

[LA Lorena]

Frieda, don't be so hard on yourself.

[Frieda P]

WTF? haha

[Relic]

Looks like I spoke too soon, or not soon enough. Hmm

[That_Girl]

Hmmmm well, we had a convo about the people that suddenly review a million of your pieces and then you feel bad when you go to return the favor only to find that you hate their work. Yes, yes.

I argue a lot... mostly because I have no social life or filter. Cheers! lol

[Relic]

Perhaps I'll add something about that. Hmm? About the convo I mean, not your social life.

[That_Girl]

The other day... we talked about how people review all your work and then it blows when you find their work boring and don't want to leave reviews in return.... remember?

[Relic]

Yes, I do which is why I'm surprised you left me a review. lol

[That_Girl]

Oh shut up. ;p

[Relic]

Wan to start something? I've got an old baseball shirt with the number 15 on it? :)

[That_Girl]

Haha oh I'll start something alright... b***h. ;)

[Relic]

Ah shucks, ah gee, I can't think of anything. Ps. I'm well aware of your shananigans.

Pss, another school shooting in CT!

[That_Girl]

You know nothing! >:) muahaha

Goddamn...

[Frieda P]

don't look at us, we're lovers...........

[That_Girl]

Who are? lol

[Relic]

Yeah, now you're talkin. Mmm

[Relic]

Avy, talk sex with her. haha

[That_Girl]

Easy squeeeeezy. ;) Frieda might be in over her head though... ;)

[Frieda P]

hhaha stfu b***h ;P

[That_Girl]

Make me ;)

[Frieda P]

I'll have you know I'm a ninja who's taken kickboxing lessons! ;P

[That_Girl]

I'm a kickboxer who has taken... ninja lessons. So there! :p

[Frieda P]

pfft, you can't feckin take ninja lessons!!

[That_Girl]

I CAN TOO!!!!!

[Frieda P]

you're born a ninja, it's like a virgin, you can't take bloody lessons! ;)

[That_Girl]

"Like A Virgin" tightener. BOOM! lol

[Frieda P]

hahaha how do you know of such a thing dearie? lol

[That_Girl]

A friend actually told me she bought some. I'm already tight... I don't need that s**t. ;)