More Writers Cafe Rules 11-20.

This is a continuation of the 10 rules of Writers Cafe.

More Writers Cafe Rules 11-20.

A Story by Relic

RULE 11: FRIEND REQUESTS:

Send out friend requests to as many people as you can but don't review any of their work. Many will be under the impression that you enjoyed something they wrote. Experienced writers, however, may be cautious about strangers who have never even said hello to them. 

They'll research your friend's list and notice it growing at an exponential rate. For those that accept you, a peek into your Stats could reveal more reviews received than given. 

Some of you are shy about giving reviews or just plain suck at conversations. You probably just want to see a multitude of faces on your friend's list. Indulge, perhaps they have photos in their accounts you can admire while you're there. On the other hand, you could just wait for someone to review your writing. (See next rule).

Rule 12: READ REQUESTS: 

Send out lots of read requests to new friends that have accepted you. Hey, if they're nice enough to hit the accept button without checking you out first, why not give it a shot right? Otherwise, just follow rule 4 (Reviews) if you're so inclined. 

RULE 13: POINTING OUT ERRORS:

Beware of pointing out any errors in another's writing. Some people actually do appreciate your input; they're not only thankful but also interested in knowing what those errors are. Others, however, are very sensitive and might delete your 'critical' review. They may have worked over five minutes writing that thing. 

Don't take a chance; show them you enjoyed it by using tiny or massive praise. "Great!" is a good start. If however, you're adventurous, you can go all out--"Okay, after reading this epic poem, I'm ready to call it quits. Do you wanna know why? Do you wanna know why? Because I'll never be this good if I live to be 200, okay, okay, I mean come on!" 

Then again, you may not even be giving any reviews. I just figured I'd mention it in case something exciting should happen in your life to motivate you into trying it. 

Rule 14: MENTION WRITERS CAFE:

Mention Writers Cafe in your title. It tends to draw people in. I guess they feel like you're talking about them in some way. Oh, how I remember those dreary days with little reviews until I did this. Perhaps you will have some luck at it as well. Try it.

RULE 15: SELF-PROMOTION:

Advertise your own work in each of your reviews. This is a risky move but could be beneficial. You see, some people can't always understand what a poem means so they look for other opinions to guide them. If you mention one or two of your poems or stories, who knows, you may get an unexpected review out of it. 

For example: Wow, Blah blah, this sounds just like my poem 'The Red blah blah.' Or, perhaps you could even slip in some tension as a hook. "This poem has such impact. I wrote a similar one called "The Green Blah blah. Be careful if you read it, though, the outcome may be too much to handle...for you, or anyone else who reads it." 

(Thanks, LA Lorena)

RULE 16: IMAGES

If you can't think of anything creative to say in a review, just refer to the amazing images. Writers enjoy such comments. It gives them the impression they were more creative than they originally thought.  (Thank you Kimmer for this idea.)

RULE 17: CUT AND PAISTE

If you don't feel like doing a review, simply cut and paste a large portion of the poem followed by the words, "God I Love this, love this, love this!"  This will depict an overwhelming sense of enjoyment you received from a certain stanza you just needed to point out or you'd burst. (Thanks, DrD)

RULE 18: SLIP OUT:

If someone has asked you to give an opinion of his or her poem and you don't have the desire to do so, you can say that it merits much more time than one reading can handle. You want to go over it again to grasp its full impact. That'll buy you some time before you forget about it.     (Thanks, LA Lorena again)

RULE 19: BLOCKING:

On a more serious note, I'd like to end with some words by my friend Frieda...

"This is not a physical contact sport; there is no need for unnecessary blocking. Be the adult, if you are one...and just ignore the person like in real life. Otherwise, see rule #14."

© 2013 Relic

Author's Note

As in the first set of rules, this is told with humor.

Rule 14 was omitted. See Redzone's review and my reply.

Reviews

[CS]

Rule #12 is why you are my friend, right? I suck at conversation. Thank you for letting me keep your house on my friends list so I feel less lonely and have something lovely to look at.

Rule #13....one morning, oh, many moons ago, someone here sent me 27 read requests in one day. I have been traumatized ever since.

Rule #14- Yes, this is a writing site, and we should be adult enough to accept constructive criticism of our work, but really, who wants all that negativity when we can just give overblown gushy reviews where everything we read is "magick" or "beautiful" or "gods gift to mankind". We are here to stroke ego, aren't we? Don't like that someone said you misspelled something in your poem? Delete their review, their friendship, block them completely, and then make up a fanciful story about them to ruin their reputation.

Rule #15-Or, get into arguments with people who genuinely like you for no reason. That has caused some pretty good drama around here too.

My dear sir, this was the most beautifully magical piece of writing ever written in the history of mankind.

P.S. I really did enjoy this :)

[Frieda P]

lmao

[Relic]

Now who's starting rule number 15? and where did my reply to Courtney go?
Thank you Courtney for your review.

[LA Lorena]

I think perhaps she blocked you. I know I did.

[Frieda P]

yep where's the stupid fookin rule on blocking, seriously, who'd wanna block me....hahaa

[CS]

I would never block Relic. He has the prettiest avatar.

[Relic]

Okay, lets relax now. ( under his breath--Christ, what the hell did I do now)

[LA Lorena]

Give it another month Frieda, and half the site will wanna block you. Your funniness disrupts the quiet scholarly atmoshere. Oh s**t, just realized that this comment could be considered a 15 starter.

[Relic]

My comments are disappearing. I like it when you curse LA. ha

[Frieda P]

It's LA's fault I'm sure, and thanks Lorena I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside now...

[Relic]

I feel the end of 15 coming on.

[LA Lorena]

Oh, I can curse! It's how I ended up on the naughty list. Isn't that a poem BTW? That I wrote? SEVENTEEN!!!!!!! ADVERTISE YOUR OWN WORK IN YOUR REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Frieda P]

jaysus I just went to read a 'friends' stuff and I'm blocked again! You have cursed me LA ;P

[Relic]

You got it love.

[Frieda P]

2 down....

[Relic]

Tis done.

I haven't been blocked in a long time. At least not yet.

[LA Lorena]

ya, well it's early yet Relic

[Relic]

Yes, I know, but there's always a chance. Thanks for 17 love.

[Frieda P]

Should make a rule that if someone blocks you for no good bloody fookin reason, there's gotta be an explanation...at least A, B or C!! ;)

[Relic]

Hmm, lets see...

[LA Lorena]

I got blocked my very first hour here! ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Frieda P]

wellll, forget it.....

[LA Lorena]

FRIEDA CHECK YOUR DAMNED INBOX WOULD YOU!!!

[DrD]

I would answer all of you but you're blocked. But Frieda wants a reason . . . . Myrna's jealous.

[LA Lorena]

Myrna? I thought she was yesterdays news? Or is it tomorrow already? Mexican time is different than here, I'm sure. At midnight, is it still today or is it tomorrow already? I'm fookin confused as all hell now.

[Frieda P]

hahah you like that 'fookin' word eh? Myrna can go suck on pickle pancakes!

[DrD]

Get your time straight because Myrna invited you and Frieda to tea tomorrow at 3 p.m. The Midnight Blues Park, lot 32, her trailer is the chrome one with the rounded roof with the four pink flamingos in front.

[Relic]

haha

[DrD]

By the way, Courtney, concerning rule 15, will you marry me?

[†Tracey†]

You all kill me.. My bladder sling is now ruined and I blame WC for it all.. But I'm evil and so therefor art thou that is expected of me.. Now about the block thing.. what's bad is when "someone" blocked so many people they no longer were getting the cream cheese reviews...so humbly we get unblocked ....then the next day ...blocked again. I think I like being blocked..so if anyone wants to block me go ahead. I have the Tracey acct and she'll just blow some fluff my way lmao..xo Oh and I am guilty of Love it.. so I want you to know I love it and this is sensual lmao.. ;)

[†Tracey†]

Oh wait.. I am on the Tracey acct.. so I confuse myself...da*n it.. So scratch that and just know I always have Lily ... ;) lmao

[Relic]

I'll block you for a couple of minutes if you want Tracey.

[†Tracey†]

Ok.. but then can we have cyber sex during that time? Just sayin? lmao

[Relic]

Okay, I'll rub your bottom front. ha

[†Tracey†]

You have no idea what that does to me ...lol

[Frieda P]

OMG, wtf is going on, can't a girl even take a wee without all hell breaking loose around here? haa

[Relic]

Haha, I have an idea.

[†Tracey†]

We're done now it's ok...hahaha

[Relic]

Did you enjoy you wee?

[Frieda P]

DrD getting married, shenanigans going on, I have to figure out Mexican time...and I'm not missing out on those pink flamingo's again...

[Relic]

BTW Frieda, you can find Sylvia on my Palewriter account.

[Frieda P]

You in love with Sylvia too?

[Frieda P]

How do I get to palewriter, is that like WC?

[Relic]

Yup. and anne sexton too. You know I'll be reviewing your poem soon.

[Frieda P]

A Sylvia follower, hope I did her justice....

[Frieda P]

You Relic on that site also?

[Relic]

It should be writerscafe.org/palewriter If not, go to writers and put it in.

[DrD]

Hey, it's not official yet. I just sent the invitations to be printed but Courtney hasn't answered. I called but all I could hear was her laughing. Maybe she was watching cartoons or something. But when it's official, I want you guys to be the bridesmaids. With Myrna, that'll make four. Myrna's all excited and preparing things. Even braiding the hair under her arms.

[Relic]

No just this one. All the notification icons broke and my best poem was lost along with all the reviews (over 500)

[Relic]

hahahaha.

[Frieda P]

Are you having it catered? I don't want pickle pancakes, I'll make meat-a-balls...

[LA Lorena]

Uh Relic, I'd be mighty careful telling Freida to put anything in anywhere. Never know what you'll end up with.

[Frieda P]

OH cool, you have Sylvia's audio for Daddy, I won't listen now, I might go into convulsions and that ain't pretty...unless someone wants to give me mouth-2-mouth. :)

[LA Lorena]

I'm trained in CPR and am a health care professional, but Frieda honey? I have STANDARDS! ;)

[Relic]

Sure, I love giving that to woman. Should I ask Katerina 56 if she wants to make out? She's a new writer here to give business advice.

[Relic]

I'll take her place for her.

[DrD]

No, Myrna wants to cook. She's not very good at it but it's what she wants. She's in the kitchen now and has a question for you. The recipe says to separate two eggs. But it doesn't say how far.

[Frieda P]

you guys have me all discombobulated, posted in the wrong place!
& you don't have to fook me, just save my life for crying out loud!!

[Frieda P]

Depends if she's standing in a north or south facing window....

[Relic]

Okay.

[DrD]

I'll tell her . . . . thanks . . . . oh, can't. She took the bowl into the bathroom. Doesn't know when to stop working, that girl.

[Frieda P]

tell her not to bogart that thang ;)

[KAOlmsted]

You people are blowing up my live feed for f**k's sake!!!!

Oh. Or do I mean fook?
read moreYou people are blowing up my live feed for f**k's sake!!!!

Oh. Or do I mean fook?

Fek it, I don't know...

:-D

[Frieda P]

feck, fook fek it's all the same f**k a duck The kimmy

[Frieda P]

ooops, ...'er' lol

[Relic]

Whatever you do, don't tell Avy we're still on. If she finds out this thread will turn out to be the longest in WC history. haha

[KAOlmsted]

Never...never...call me kimmy, even with the The :-p

Meanwhile, Relic needs to compile the two lists and make one big list then we can all start fresh...God, what am I saying...

[Relic]

Yeah! What ARE you saying?

[Frieda P]

sorry k...i got excited by the bowl, lost my head...longest thread? do ya get a prize so?

[Relic]

They are still in the process of making a badge.

[Frieda P]

do b***s come with that? ;)

[DrD]

She's back, Frieda. Just checking, what color are pickles again?

[Frieda P]

they start with a P right? what color do you think they are? Purple, what else...unless you get the foreign ones, then their that new color 'edible'

[DrD]

Hey Myrna! Let me see that bowl. Frieda says there's no brown pickles!

[LA Lorena]

do b***s come with that? ;)

they should. cuz then, if you don't have time to read and review, you can just wear something low cut and bend over a lot, and they totally forget that you don't do reviews! Oh wait, that only works IRL. never mind.

[Frieda P]

ROFLMAO!

[Relic]

It does. ha

[Frieda P]

still waiting on the b***s and that 'other' rule....

[Relic]

What b***s and other rule? haha I don't even remember anymore.

[Frieda P]

hahaha was wondering why I got dragged back to this thread, forget it, I got my ow b***s ;-)

[Relic]

haha, this think is three miles long. That's tooooo long. Yes, you can have your b***s.

[Frieda P]

I know but it's probably the funniest one on here...& thanks (o) (o)

[Relic]

haha, it takes me a couple of days to get to you on it though. I'm going to PM you.

[Frieda P]

Oh fook, my b***s got separated! hahaha

[Relic]

haha, that's okay with me.

[K-mo]

I like this a lot, you obviously know well all that goes on here on this site and it may help those who are new! Thanks for sharing!

[Relic]

Oh, it will help them alright. haha, thank you K-mo.

[K-mo]

no problem!

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

I give this work an enthuseastic both thumbs up. You master the thin grey line between overt and covert. You pull no punches, yet the KOed offenders will stager back to wakefullnes wondering -what happened?-

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

I myself am guilty of some of this you have written about. I now smile and wonder if we need a button here for a rant, instead of just poem or story, etc. Perhaps, House of Relics, you will be kind enough to give those of us who don't have the first idea how to review poetry, the correct way of doing so. I know that many times I read a piece and have absolutely no idea what it is about. What does one do if this is the case? I always read the piece aloud and check the rhythm and meter, but am really afraid to say much because I wonder if how I'm reading it aloud is different than the writer.
As for the friends..........yes, I have had many send requests and never read my work. The first thing I do is check their work and see what I'm dealing with. It could be a young teen writing erotic porn.......hmmm, we really need to look not just accept friends or seek them. Any help that you can be, will be greatly appreciated. Neva

[Relic]

Your question deserves some thought and I will return with answers very soon.

[Relic]

I myself am guilty of some of this you have written about. I now smile and wonder if we need a button here for a rant, instead of just poem or story, etc. Perhaps, House of Relics, you will be kind enough to give those of us who don't have the first idea how to review poetry, the correct way of doing so. I know that many times I read a piece and have absolutely no idea what it is about. What does one do if this is the case? I always read the piece aloud and check the rhythm and meter, but am really afraid to say much because I wonder if how I'm reading it aloud is different than the writer.
As for the friends..........yes, I have had many send requests and never read my work. The first thing I do is check their work and see what I'm dealing with. It could be a young teen writing erotic porn.......hmmm, we really need to look not just accept friends or seek them. Any help that you can be, will be greatly appreciated. Neva




Well, first of all Neva, the rules were written with a large dose of sarcastic humor involved. (See the end of 11 rules for writers cafe) It was written out of frustration after seeing many of the elements described in the rules by new and younger writers here whose idea of imagination is to curse through almost every poem.

After seeing your work in the past I'm a bit puzzled as to why you would ask me these questions? You're an excellent writer and I've seen some of the reviews you've given which are fine. I also don't expect to see "Ignore the grammar" at the end of your poems anytime soon. :)

You asked how to review a poem if you are unsure of its meaning. One answer is don't review it-- I avoid poems I don't understand, period. I'll first look for a clue to its meaning from reviews left by others. If I still don't understand it and it was a read request I'll simply tell the writer through a PM in a nice way. I find often times they're willing and happy to relate its meaning which by then I'm eager to know.

The only other answer I can offer is to take longer in reading it. At one time, I tried to take things apart by using a dose of scansion to determine things like meter and rhythm or theme. Yet, how many writers here do you think adhere to or even know of those elements of writing?

If you simply scan my poems which I would imagine you must have done in the past (and maybe not remembered being I'm forgettable) you won't find perfect rhythm nor perfect meter as applied to syllable count when said quietly or aloud. I usually--though not all the time--write in a free verse style in the simplest way possible often incorporating metaphor and images into each. This stems from a lifetime of involvement in music which I'll explain in a PM if you wish.

I am always making mistakes and learning and will continue to do so in my writing. At times you will see the name of another writer on a poem that has helped me in some way. (See "Ignore the spelling and Grammar.") I am never afraid to learn from others as long as their suggestions are valid because I care about what I'm posting.

As for the friend's thing: Yes, we must realize that we can't always blindly accept everyone who sends us a friend request. It's okay to turn people down if we don't feel comfortable with their style of writing knowing that soon we might review some of it. I've turned down writers before and will continue to do so. Take a quick glance at my bio.

Finally, when I saw this on the featured page one thing went through my mind--"You can't expect everyone to get this or like it, there's going to be some wise-a*s wet with jealousy that's going to say something either outright or indirectly. So far, they haven't; At least not that I know of. haha

I hope this helped even a little for you. If not, my apologies. If you have more questions, shoot.

[Relic]

Sorry, didn't mean to repeat your question. Whoops.

[Neva Flores Smith - Changefulstorm]

Thank you so much for your gracious reply. As for not knowing how to review......I began writing 3 years ago at the ripe old age of almost 44. I have no idea what I am doing much less what others are doing and if it is right. Basically I just try to state how it makes me feel. You have been tremendously helpful and it was good to see this at tha top of the Popular Writing, where it belongs :) Neva

[Relic]

Glad I could help and thank you. As far as any inadequacies on your part, I wouldn't know because you are a wonderful poet and I say that knowing there are many others who agree. :)

[Katie Lynn]

LOL loved it!

[Relic]

Thank you very much.

[not here]

Wow.
As a contributor who is genuinely interested in improving my writing skills, you've just convinced me to lose all faith in Writers Cafe.

Thanks for sharing

[Relic]

Glad I could help. lol

[not here]

I know it

[Relic]

You're not mad are you?

[not here]

I've been called crazy ...

[Relic]

So?

[not here]

So I'm not mad.
I'm elated.

[Relic]

Glad to hear that Lakely.

[Siobhan MacIntyre]

I lost faith in this site long before you joined up. I'm absolutely not surprised to find it hasn't changed in the three years I've been gone. So much for my annual "Has the Cafe changed any yet?" check-up. See everyone next Christmas.

[Relic]

I remember seeing you here and wondering where you went. I recall seeing older writers here when you were aboard, it has certainly changed.

[Relic]

Sorry, I meant it certainly hasn't changed. :)

[Siobhan MacIntyre]

I skedaddled out on my own almost four years ago. I check back here a few times a year to scope out the climate. When I cease to see flame-reviews, dramaverse, and emoetry, I might come back. And I check for one particular name; as long as that person is on here, I will not be. ;-)

[Relic]

I suppose dramaverse and emoerty will always be here. There are so many younger people here now. I've never looked at the site as any professional anyway. I'm not on as much now out of choice. The rough language and sex are more prominent than ever now. It's not the way it was when I first joined that's for sure.

[Frieda P]

seriously LOL, waiting for the onslaught of assaults & criticism, constructive of course ;)

[Relic]

I think you'll be fine.

[Frieda P]

hey you know what I always say, fook em if they can't take a joke, life is too short as 'they' say. ;)

[Relic]

That's right, fook em all. hahaha

[LA Lorena]

RELIC! We need another rule! How about those inconsiderate morons who hijack a writer's thread by injecting comment after comment after comment? There needs to be a rule about that here.

[Frieda P]

did you just call me a 'jerk'??! :O

[LA Lorena]

well how the hell else can one start a decent #15 around this place?

[Frieda P]

haha I don't know maybe make fun of their poems or point out they've broken all the rules ;)

[LA Lorena]

those who live in glass houses learn it is best NOT to throw rocks

[Frieda P]

That's why I thought it was ABSURD you built that glass house to being with.

[LA Lorena]

Just trying to see if I could get a good blocking today. You were the lucky one yesterday, and frankly, I'm feeling a little deprived. What does a girl have to do around this place to get blocked?

[Frieda P]

HO HO HO ;)

[LA Lorena]

no, that doesn't work

[Frieda P]

maybe if I make fun of your shoes!

[LA Lorena]

I will have it be known that I have impeccable taste in shoes. You'd just be firing blanks

[Frieda P]

I figured as much, if I make fun of your mother's combat boots that doesn't do it either, you have kids/ ;P

[LA Lorena]

three of them, all with big fangs! :)

[Frieda P]

haha not unlike my 3 sons I'll bet, see, ya can't block me, we're related ;)

[.]

Ah! This is a very insightful post.

I receive detailed constructive feedback from three incredible poets on this site on email. I give constructive feedback if someone asks for it on email. I don't believe in giving or receiving constructive feedback in public--as it's not the global convention on giving and receiving feedback.

More importantly, there have been times when I've received feedback from people who are, well, uhm, not exactly great writers, at least not in my opinion. :P I don't think that just by virtue of being a member of this site, people have the right to offer constructive feedback.

Giving constructive feedback is about skill. Frankly, I don't possess it.

I really don't know how to make a poem better but if some post moves me, I say so. I try my best to be as specific as possible, but sometimes I'm just so speechless by poetic excellence that I end up saying just a few words. I read a poet named Gheeneil yesterday whose posts left me nearly speechless. :)

I block anyone who tries to mess with my peace of mind. I am here to read and write and I can't read and write unless I have peace. So, it's counterproductive if I don't block a person who is messing with my peace of mind. Maybe some people do so inadvertently. Maybe they don't. Life's too short and I need more time to read and write so I don't research people and their intentions or lack of intentions.

I have been caught in a couple of dramatic episodes. In the last one that happened a couple of days ago, I apologized and left after being abused profusely. I've now decided not to befriend anyone new but I can't predict the future. Maybe the atmosphere on this site will change for the better--the operative word being maybe.

I've recently updated my "about me" to ensure that I don't have to interact with anyone who is even borderline judgmental. I have clearly stated the conditions in which it would be a complete waste of time to read me. So far, it's working! :)

[Relic]

So far, I've also changed my bio before to reflect my intentions and people ignored it. Some don't look at bio's at all. I wish you luck with the site, I know at times it can be unpleasant. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Pax]

oh.... brilliant and im speechless...
another one of the fines... :D
and loving the entertainment below...

[Relic]

Ha Thank you very much Pax.

[The Analog Kid]

LMAO!

[Relic]

hahahah. Pat, it started out as 6 rules I think. Look what it's grown into. LOL