More Writers Cafe Rules 11-20.

This is a continuation of the 10 rules of Writers Cafe.

More Writers Cafe Rules 11-20.

A Story by Relic

RULE 11: FRIEND REQUESTS:

Send out friend requests to as many people as you can but don't review any of their work. Many will be under the impression that you enjoyed something they wrote. Experienced writers, however, may be cautious about strangers who have never even said hello to them. 

They'll research your friend's list and notice it growing at an exponential rate. For those that accept you, a peek into your Stats could reveal more reviews received than given. 

Some of you are shy about giving reviews or just plain suck at conversations. You probably just want to see a multitude of faces on your friend's list. Indulge, perhaps they have photos in their accounts you can admire while you're there. On the other hand, you could just wait for someone to review your writing. (See next rule).

Rule 12: READ REQUESTS: 

Send out lots of read requests to new friends that have accepted you. Hey, if they're nice enough to hit the accept button without checking you out first, why not give it a shot right? Otherwise, just follow rule 4 (Reviews) if you're so inclined. 

RULE 13: POINTING OUT ERRORS:

Beware of pointing out any errors in another's writing. Some people actually do appreciate your input; they're not only thankful but also interested in knowing what those errors are. Others, however, are very sensitive and might delete your 'critical' review. They may have worked over five minutes writing that thing. 

Don't take a chance; show them you enjoyed it by using tiny or massive praise. "Great!" is a good start. If however, you're adventurous, you can go all out--"Okay, after reading this epic poem, I'm ready to call it quits. Do you wanna know why? Do you wanna know why? Because I'll never be this good if I live to be 200, okay, okay, I mean come on!" 

Then again, you may not even be giving any reviews. I just figured I'd mention it in case something exciting should happen in your life to motivate you into trying it. 

Rule 14: MENTION WRITERS CAFE:

Mention Writers Cafe in your title. It tends to draw people in. I guess they feel like you're talking about them in some way. Oh, how I remember those dreary days with little reviews until I did this. Perhaps you will have some luck at it as well. Try it.

RULE 15: SELF-PROMOTION:

Advertise your own work in each of your reviews. This is a risky move but could be beneficial. You see, some people can't always understand what a poem means so they look for other opinions to guide them. If you mention one or two of your poems or stories, who knows, you may get an unexpected review out of it. 

For example: Wow, Blah blah, this sounds just like my poem 'The Red blah blah.' Or, perhaps you could even slip in some tension as a hook. "This poem has such impact. I wrote a similar one called "The Green Blah blah. Be careful if you read it, though, the outcome may be too much to handle...for you, or anyone else who reads it." 

(Thanks, LA Lorena)

RULE 16: IMAGES

If you can't think of anything creative to say in a review, just refer to the amazing images. Writers enjoy such comments. It gives them the impression they were more creative than they originally thought.  (Thank you Kimmer for this idea.)

RULE 17: CUT AND PAISTE

If you don't feel like doing a review, simply cut and paste a large portion of the poem followed by the words, "God I Love this, love this, love this!"  This will depict an overwhelming sense of enjoyment you received from a certain stanza you just needed to point out or you'd burst. (Thanks, DrD)

RULE 18: SLIP OUT:

If someone has asked you to give an opinion of his or her poem and you don't have the desire to do so, you can say that it merits much more time than one reading can handle. You want to go over it again to grasp its full impact. That'll buy you some time before you forget about it.     (Thanks, LA Lorena again)

RULE 19: BLOCKING:

On a more serious note, I'd like to end with some words by my friend Frieda...

"This is not a physical contact sport; there is no need for unnecessary blocking. Be the adult, if you are one...and just ignore the person like in real life. Otherwise, see rule #14."

© 2013 Relic

Author's Note

As in the first set of rules, this is told with humor.

Rule 14 was omitted. See Redzone's review and my reply.

Reviews

[CS]

Rule #12 is why you are my friend, right? I suck at conversation. Thank you for letting me keep your house on my friends list so I feel less lonely and have something lovely to look at.

Rule #13....one morning, oh, many moons ago, someone here sent me 27 read requests in one day. I have been traumatized ever since.

Rule #14- Yes, this is a writing site, and we should be adult enough to accept constructive criticism of our work, but really, who wants all that negativity when we can just give overblown gushy reviews where everything we read is "magick" or "beautiful" or "gods gift to mankind". We are here to stroke ego, aren't we? Don't like that someone said you misspelled something in your poem? Delete their review, their friendship, block them completely, and then make up a fanciful story about them to ruin their reputation.

Rule #15-Or, get into arguments with people who genuinely like you for no reason. That has caused some pretty good drama around here too.

My dear sir, this was the most beautifully magical piece of writing ever written in the history of mankind.

P.S. I really did enjoy this :)

[Frieda P]

lmao

[Relic]

Now who's starting rule number 15? and where did my reply to Courtney go?
Thank you Courtney for your review.

[LA Lorena]

I think perhaps she blocked you. I know I did.

[Frieda P]

yep where's the stupid fookin rule on blocking, seriously, who'd wanna block me....hahaa

[CS]

I would never block Relic. He has the prettiest avatar.

[Relic]

Okay, lets relax now. ( under his breath--Christ, what the hell did I do now)

[LA Lorena]

Give it another month Frieda, and half the site will wanna block you. Your funniness disrupts the quiet scholarly atmoshere. Oh s**t, just realized that this comment could be considered a 15 starter.

[Relic]

My comments are disappearing. I like it when you curse LA. ha

[Frieda P]

It's LA's fault I'm sure, and thanks Lorena I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside now...

[Relic]

I feel the end of 15 coming on.

[LA Lorena]

Oh, I can curse! It's how I ended up on the naughty list. Isn't that a poem BTW? That I wrote? SEVENTEEN!!!!!!! ADVERTISE YOUR OWN WORK IN YOUR REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Frieda P]

jaysus I just went to read a 'friends' stuff and I'm blocked again! You have cursed me LA ;P

[Relic]

You got it love.

[Frieda P]

2 down....

[Relic]

Tis done.

I haven't been blocked in a long time. At least not yet.

[LA Lorena]

ya, well it's early yet Relic

[Relic]

Yes, I know, but there's always a chance. Thanks for 17 love.

[Frieda P]

Should make a rule that if someone blocks you for no good bloody fookin reason, there's gotta be an explanation...at least A, B or C!! ;)

[Relic]

Hmm, lets see...

[LA Lorena]

I got blocked my very first hour here! ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Frieda P]

wellll, forget it.....

[LA Lorena]

FRIEDA CHECK YOUR DAMNED INBOX WOULD YOU!!!

[DrD]

I would answer all of you but you're blocked. But Frieda wants a reason . . . . Myrna's jealous.

[LA Lorena]

Myrna? I thought she was yesterdays news? Or is it tomorrow already? Mexican time is different than here, I'm sure. At midnight, is it still today or is it tomorrow already? I'm fookin confused as all hell now.

[Frieda P]

hahah you like that 'fookin' word eh? Myrna can go suck on pickle pancakes!

[DrD]

Get your time straight because Myrna invited you and Frieda to tea tomorrow at 3 p.m. The Midnight Blues Park, lot 32, her trailer is the chrome one with the rounded roof with the four pink flamingos in front.

[Relic]

haha

[DrD]

By the way, Courtney, concerning rule 15, will you marry me?

[†Tracey†]

You all kill me.. My bladder sling is now ruined and I blame WC for it all.. But I'm evil and so therefor art thou that is expected of me.. Now about the block thing.. what's bad is when "someone" blocked so many people they no longer were getting the cream cheese reviews...so humbly we get unblocked ....then the next day ...blocked again. I think I like being blocked..so if anyone wants to block me go ahead. I have the Tracey acct and she'll just blow some fluff my way lmao..xo Oh and I am guilty of Love it.. so I want you to know I love it and this is sensual lmao.. ;)

[†Tracey†]

Oh wait.. I am on the Tracey acct.. so I confuse myself...da*n it.. So scratch that and just know I always have Lily ... ;) lmao

[Relic]

I'll block you for a couple of minutes if you want Tracey.

[†Tracey†]

Ok.. but then can we have cyber sex during that time? Just sayin? lmao

[Relic]

Okay, I'll rub your bottom front. ha

[†Tracey†]

You have no idea what that does to me ...lol

[Frieda P]

OMG, wtf is going on, can't a girl even take a wee without all hell breaking loose around here? haa

[Relic]

Haha, I have an idea.

[†Tracey†]

We're done now it's ok...hahaha

[Relic]

Did you enjoy you wee?

[Frieda P]

DrD getting married, shenanigans going on, I have to figure out Mexican time...and I'm not missing out on those pink flamingo's again...

[Relic]

BTW Frieda, you can find Sylvia on my Palewriter account.

[Frieda P]

You in love with Sylvia too?

[Frieda P]

How do I get to palewriter, is that like WC?

[Relic]

Yup. and anne sexton too. You know I'll be reviewing your poem soon.

[Frieda P]

A Sylvia follower, hope I did her justice....

[Frieda P]

You Relic on that site also?

[Relic]

It should be writerscafe.org/palewriter If not, go to writers and put it in.

[DrD]

Hey, it's not official yet. I just sent the invitations to be printed but Courtney hasn't answered. I called but all I could hear was her laughing. Maybe she was watching cartoons or something. But when it's official, I want you guys to be the bridesmaids. With Myrna, that'll make four. Myrna's all excited and preparing things. Even braiding the hair under her arms.

[Relic]

No just this one. All the notification icons broke and my best poem was lost along with all the reviews (over 500)

[Relic]

hahahaha.

[Frieda P]

Are you having it catered? I don't want pickle pancakes, I'll make meat-a-balls...

[LA Lorena]

Uh Relic, I'd be mighty careful telling Freida to put anything in anywhere. Never know what you'll end up with.

[Frieda P]

OH cool, you have Sylvia's audio for Daddy, I won't listen now, I might go into convulsions and that ain't pretty...unless someone wants to give me mouth-2-mouth. :)

[LA Lorena]

I'm trained in CPR and am a health care professional, but Frieda honey? I have STANDARDS! ;)

[Relic]

Sure, I love giving that to woman. Should I ask Katerina 56 if she wants to make out? She's a new writer here to give business advice.

[Relic]

I'll take her place for her.

[DrD]

No, Myrna wants to cook. She's not very good at it but it's what she wants. She's in the kitchen now and has a question for you. The recipe says to separate two eggs. But it doesn't say how far.

[Frieda P]

you guys have me all discombobulated, posted in the wrong place!
& you don't have to fook me, just save my life for crying out loud!!

[Frieda P]

Depends if she's standing in a north or south facing window....

[Relic]

Okay.

[DrD]

I'll tell her . . . . thanks . . . . oh, can't. She took the bowl into the bathroom. Doesn't know when to stop working, that girl.

[Frieda P]

tell her not to bogart that thang ;)

[KAOlmsted]

You people are blowing up my live feed for f**k's sake!!!!

Oh. Or do I mean fook?
read moreYou people are blowing up my live feed for f**k's sake!!!!

Oh. Or do I mean fook?

Fek it, I don't know...

:-D

[Frieda P]

feck, fook fek it's all the same f**k a duck The kimmy

[Frieda P]

ooops, ...'er' lol

[Relic]

Whatever you do, don't tell Avy we're still on. If she finds out this thread will turn out to be the longest in WC history. haha

[KAOlmsted]

Never...never...call me kimmy, even with the The :-p

Meanwhile, Relic needs to compile the two lists and make one big list then we can all start fresh...God, what am I saying...

[Relic]

Yeah! What ARE you saying?

[Frieda P]

sorry k...i got excited by the bowl, lost my head...longest thread? do ya get a prize so?

[Relic]

They are still in the process of making a badge.

[Frieda P]

do b***s come with that? ;)

[DrD]

She's back, Frieda. Just checking, what color are pickles again?

[Frieda P]

they start with a P right? what color do you think they are? Purple, what else...unless you get the foreign ones, then their that new color 'edible'

[DrD]

Hey Myrna! Let me see that bowl. Frieda says there's no brown pickles!

[LA Lorena]

do b***s come with that? ;)

they should. cuz then, if you don't have time to read and review, you can just wear something low cut and bend over a lot, and they totally forget that you don't do reviews! Oh wait, that only works IRL. never mind.

[Frieda P]

ROFLMAO!

[Relic]

It does. ha

[Frieda P]

still waiting on the b***s and that 'other' rule....

[Relic]

What b***s and other rule? haha I don't even remember anymore.

[Frieda P]

hahaha was wondering why I got dragged back to this thread, forget it, I got my ow b***s ;-)

[Relic]

haha, this think is three miles long. That's tooooo long. Yes, you can have your b***s.

[Frieda P]

I know but it's probably the funniest one on here...& thanks (o) (o)

[Relic]

haha, it takes me a couple of days to get to you on it though. I'm going to PM you.

[Frieda P]

Oh fook, my b***s got separated! hahaha

[Relic]

haha, that's okay with me.

[¿]

😅😅😅 you forgot to add another trick of reviewing. "Wow........ (I've to put 25 characters lol)" And another on messaging "Ya know I was just trying to meet new ppl, ya know I'm not into writing that much, ya know blah blah blah"
Anddd another on blocking people is blocking without any reason. I've been blocked by some persons with whom I never had any argue rather they were my friends. Have let the bygones be bygones forever!
I see you as the meme lord of writerscafe. I wish if the writers you mentioned were still active here! In fairness, I relate to most of the rules here.

[Relic]

Thanks, Tahsin. :) A lot of people - including myself - have been blocked for no reason. I wrote about it years ago. It's just one of those mysteries we have to ignore.

[andrew mitchell]

I had a chuckle I was blocked because I wrote too much, some truth and wisdom here Tim. Entertaining but informative as always.

[Relic]

haha I was blocked for many reasons and I don't even know why.
My thanks.

[andrew mitchell]

Yes, the new block I find is no one reads my works like my name is an instant detour! lol. Thats the polite block being ignored lol.

[Relic]

Another writer we know here is in the same boat when it comes to not being read. I agreed with him.

[andrew mitchell]

My only regret on Wc is losing friends to other writers who just wanted to destroy their works so they left.

[Relic]

I've seen that too. Writing communities can be weird, that's for sure.

[Lyn Anderson]

I love it. Although I have to admit, at times I do resort to delete and block, I love your take on the cafe' drama. I have my own drama and can't keep up with the stuff in here. I hope good writers stay but I have the feeling it's this stuff that drives good people away. This isn't junior high, but man, it feels like it sometimes.

[Relic]

I know what you mean. Thanks.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

as soon as i saw the title, Tim, i had to read this----and i thought it was pretty funny for awhile until i realized it wasn't about me. Then i lost interest, now i am going to go back to extending my friends' list---
sending out 500 read requests---or maybe i'll just cut and past a bunch of this and post it as my own writing---

:)))

great stuff---but many will read it, and just not get it----oh god, my ego is so big i am going to pop!
from now on, every poem will have writers cafe in the title...do not ignore me...

i enjoyed reading this tongue-in-cheek piece so much....i am so tired of all the fighting on this site---it needs to be about the poetry----not the games played, masks worn, nastiness, all of it...poets have to stick together!

[Relic]

haha, I'm sorry I did not have you in mind when writing it Jacob. But all kidding aside, yes, the games here have to end.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i'm seriously considering shutting down for awhile...it breaks my heart that all this is going on...
i have been on many sites, and some really nasty...but this has been my absolute favorite and most comfortable...and now?
it's hard to keep logging on and seeing all of this happening day after day.

[Relic]

I'll talk to you in private.

[redzone]

In many ways I agree with your "sarcasm"... the thing I don't think is similar to your view is #14... I think that ignoring this verbal abuse, actually sets a tone of acceptance to continue, if not by the initial person, but by others. There is a saying , "dust will not remove itself, it must be swept away". It actually creates an atmosphere where this abuse can even more operate unopposed. While I am not advocating a "new age, touchy feely" thing, I do think we need to actually fight for a poetry site where people are treated with respect and open-ness. Disagreements are normal, especially when it comes to writing poetry, etc, but it needs to be about the poem/story and NOT the person who wrote it. There is no place for snarky, BS and personal attack here, or anywhere.

How many poets are no longer here because of this and plagerizing?? Do we really need more to leave, or to "PUT UP WITH" this kind of treatment and atmosphere?? I certainly won't.

Like I said Relic, I mostly agree with you, except with parts of #14. It gave me a chuckle and the sarcasm was "just right"!! ;0)
~~redzone

[Relic]

Thanks for the review Redzone. This was written at a time when the mood here was not so dark and plagiarism was not as prominent or should I say, not as hot an issue as it is now. If there were any disagreements, they were between younger adults which was the target audience of this write. I do agree with you about it (14) and perhaps I will revise this writing. For we both know, times have changed. Thanks for pointing it out.

[Master K-tops]

That was very funny and interesting,though I do not totally agree with some of them. Now,you'll delete me,eh? Lol. Anyway, I just joined in July and I've never seen rule 14 happen,ever! I've heard a lot about people getting into arguments on this site,but I'm yet to see such a scenario!!! I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of interesting drama here. Do you know any writing which has sparked controversy on this site? I really need to see it,must be so much fun to see. Once again, I enjoyed reading the work.

[Relic]

Thank you for reading K. As far as confrontations and arguments, they have occurred here before and some writers have even left because of it. I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate me giving out their names or any poems which caused the ruckus but suffice t to say, it's never good for such activity to ruin the charm of a great site like this. Thanks for taking a look at my humorous writing.

[Will Neill]

Relic, Like any community be it real or virtual we are all human, and by nature we seek out attention some more than others. It is a fact that poems are the main input here because they are quickly and easily produced. Even a few lines can get a multitude of reads-this does not mean they are good. And I have read some bad one's and I have read some exceptionaly good one's. I will not give names, but those I do not review are not worth getting into if you say something that is the truth but will upset the writer. some believe that more is better-it is not. All that happens is we overdose on modern so called prose.
I write because I enjoy it, I post here to let others read and enjoy my work. If they wish to review thats ok,if not then thats ok too. and for those reasons I have chosen to review only those who read and review my stories and poems. I will review work if asked, and I will be honest. People will be people.and thats how it is.
good luck.
Will

[Relic]

I enjoyed your review and agree with you. Thanks for reading.

[Pryde Foltz]

More funny stuff........... But you did forget about the endless stream of ellipses to get to the 25 word count.

[Relic]

haha, that wasn't around then. It may have been first on the list if it was. Thanks Pryde.