I remember you.

From what I remember

You were once as sweet 

as a warm summer wind

that brushed my cheek 

under plum trees.

And with enough power

I'd have stood the world 

on its head 

to prolong your kisses -

those little miracles

ignorant of time 

and vaporous years.

Yes, you were sweet

but like all mirages 

you faded  

making me - in the end

a mere shadow 

crossing your cheek 

when all your infatuation expired.

I am wiser now,

with a lesson learned.  

At least once in life,

we will all be

forgotten 

and discarded

like the pit of a devoured plum.

Author's Note

~The jilted lover, naive to the game of love has become bitter. He has learned the hard way that infatuation is a fickle sensation that can dissolve as fast as it was precipitated...whether in himself or in this case, the object of his affections. Love should not be assumed. Love takes time.~

Reviews

[realmwriter]

Love is fickle and those of us who think we have found it in one lustful night fall prey to foolish desires. Then we realize that we are cast out with the sodomites when our infatuation is no longer reciprocated. Like the shadow you refer to, we are gone before the sun sets. The gray in our lives becomes black and we loose our way. But alas, love is hard to find for a reason, because it is worth having. It is worth the search for that one true love that we so desire to spend the rest of our lives with. Sometimes, however, we don't recognize it when it is right in front of us.

Excellent write my friend. I enjoyed this very much.

[Relic]

A great review. Thanks very much realmwiter.

[realmwriter]

You're very welcome

[LA Lorena]

Have you added to this poem Relic? Math is not my strongest suit, but I count more than 4 stanzas?

Either way, this is a haunting and brilliant write. Heart break is so intense and consuming, it's a feeling, an emotion, a sickness and so much more. It can't begin to be described by anyone who has not felt the sting of the knife. You have, and it shows.

[Relic]

Holy crap! I didn't even notice what I did there at the end. hhaha Thanks for reading this La, I need to revise this. I did indeed ad to this but now I see it needs a little more care. Thank you for your review so much.

[.]

"those sweet little miracles
ignorant of time
and vaporous years"

~ i loved these lines especially... ~ this is a very fascinating piece of writing... it speaks about something most of us can relate to... but it is written in a very, very unique way... ~ the closing image and lines are fantastic... i appreciate the author's note too... excellent work, monsieur...

[Relic]

Thanks so much for reading and the review.

[.]

~ you're very welcome...

[Relic]

:)

[Mia]

You're just out of this world crazy good!

"And had I the power at that time,
I'd have stood the world
on its head to prolong
your kisses--"

"And I, in the end,
was nothing more than
a quick shadow
that crossed your cheek
when your infatuation
with me,

ultimately...

expired."

I mean come on! Get out of here :)

[Crysta]

"and you disregarded me,
like the pit
of a devoured plum."

I can see that.
The pit with its little fleshy bits still attached, I always get a gross feeling looking at them.


Is your authors note something you write before or after the poem to give you an idea of what you want to create, or do you let it flow and write, then create a synopsis?

[Relic]

First of all thanks for the review Crysta. As far as the author's note, that was developed after the poem was completed. Sometimes i do that, sometimes I don't. I always just write and struggle to find the right words than revise after.

[Crysta]

Awesome, same with me. I see everything in images, and I am always trying to find the right ways to put them into words. Thanks for answering!

[Relic]

No problem, thanks for asking.

[...]

A beautiful display of intense emotions :) Bittersweet.

[Relic]

Glad you liked it.

[Doreen]

Very well done. I love this little bit:
"the little miracles
ignorant of time
and vaporous years"
The words fit together to create an imagery that's priceless.

[Robbie~xoxo~]

This is one of my favorite pieces...It touches my heart everytime I read it. The emotions you express here are potent for me, as I have felt this to the core. Love can come and go through the door of our hearts, but the one that breaks your heart, can be the one you remember the most. This is truly an emotive write... Breathtaking!

[Relic]

Such true words, thank you Robbie.

[Lisa Ring]

I love it. The emotion, the imagery...very real. Yet, beautifully real, not ugly reality. Very romantic and so easy to read. It flows so smoothly.

[light and ashes]

I hate when people change into someone much worse, or sometimes they havent changed at all. They are just finally showing you their real colors, beatiful poem.

[Ghost of Jupiter]

brilliant poem that wraps you in tenderness in the beginning then slowly starts to unravel into bitterness.

"And had I the power at that time
I'd have stood the world
on its head to prolong
your kisses--"

perfection! Wonderful write