Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous�"
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I�"unbelievably�"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner�"
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs�"
never noticed at all�"
your petals�"
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Moonie]

"But, flowers--I've discovered--are fragile things
that in a short period of time
will die from the slightest chill." --Those are my favourite lines...i feel that your writing style resembles mine in some ways, but it has much more finesse and delicacy. Good writing!
And i agree, writers shouldn't get offended by critique over here... I have almost given up giving harsh criticism to poets now, since many of them seem to take it the hard way...

[Relic]

I know what you mean. Thanks so much. :)

[Escribe]

I read this more than once out loud. The words were just too powerful to not be heard.

[Relic]

Thanks very much for your thoughts, Escribe. :)

[Haneefah]

it is indeed echoes of d absent.
interesting. To me the poem is perfect.

[S.Jane]

Absolutely beautiful..I felt your mood..whatever mood u were in when you wrote this..

[Relic]

To tell you the truth, I was in a frustrated mood and wanted to write something different. This came out.

I appreciate the review S. :)

[S.Jane]

I know..I felt it

[Relic]

.................. :)

[DiskartetHaraya]

Your metaphors flow so naturally, as if noticing them were as natural as seeing the material world.

Your profile and writings closed, I found your works through DIVYA's. (It's amazing how our writings are connected, isn't it?)

The first of yours I read was "Abandoned Writers Café". Reading your Author's Note here, I don't know why but despite just having found you today, I am grateful.

I hope many writers would come to appreciate feedback and not be afraid to voice out their own as well.

In the meantime, though you have moved away from here and the relics of you remain, today I'm pretty sure writing is alive. Exploring sites and avenues like you.

[Relic]

You're very kind, thank you.
My account will be opened again....just not now. :)

[humbleServant]

I love it!!! you are so talented!!!

[Relic]

Thanks very much.

[Ardra]

And I...unbelievably--
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner--
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs--
never noticed at all--
your petals--
falling one by one.

Its true ,after a point of time they feel there is no need to nourish or to be there....love is so like a fragile flower which needs care and tender nourishing to stay beautiful...

thanks for sharing such wonderful poem..

[Relic]

Thank you for reading Galadriel.

[Mirror]

this is sad. i felt so much emotions and my heart goes out to women with this experience.

[Relic]

Thanks for reading Mirror.

[Angelheart1]

Those echoes and ghosts can follow us through a lifetime.

I believe this is the first of your work I’ve read and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I see from your Author’s notes that it is an old one with many revisions made - but it is now a masterpiece of writing. I’m glad I came across it today and am anxious to read more from you. Angelheart

[Relic]

Thanks very much Angel. I appreciate that. :)

[Angelheart1]

You are very welcome.

[Susan 🦋]

oh boy! This is a heart-felt write. Why do the lessons in life have to be so difficult? Strong message here...gratefulness.

[Relic]

Thank you, Susan.