Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous�"
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I�"unbelievably�"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner�"
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs�"
never noticed at all�"
your petals�"
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Muskan]

Remorseful are we all , for one or the other thing . We sometimes unhear our own echoes thinking them to be not so meaningful
"I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea "
Loved it! I maybe will be stealing this line of yours:-)

[Relic]

Thanks for the review, Muskan.

[ABAB]

This is such a tale of regret and being consumed and lost in one's own suffering that is a taking for granted a beauty that fades to a ghostly presence. Haunting and speaks volumes to me. Incredibly written.

[Relic]

I appreciate you thoughts on this one, Storyteller. Thank you.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

I had to read this again
as I understand this more
now I survived a toxic failed
marriage of 17 years.

It's a powerful piece
it speaks of my past
hurt very powerful.


And this hit a nerve
for me I was crying
so much when I read
this.

I was very
depressed melancholy
empty lonely and broken
when I left the hurt
behind.

But I'm better after 3 years
from healing from emotional
abuse.

But God has put
someone in my life
that respects me is
a gentleman

And such
a sweetheart and
I always feel loved
and accepted by him.

I thought I should
read this again and
Thank you for sharing 😁💛

[Relic]

I'm sorry to hear you went through that, Benita. Finding the right person often takes time. I'm glad you found happiness. Thanks for reading and appreciating the poem. :)

[Faith]

This is beautiful. Grips at the soul and pulls me in. I love the poem on your profile page, too. Stunning. I look forward to reading more of you ...

[Relic]

Thank you very much, Faith. :)

[Laura Kate]

This is simply stunning, Such heavy, deep and isolated sentiments, untangled and brought together again with a sense of fragility and innocence. I feel both sorrow and acceptance for both characters in this story. The raw openness on behalf of the narrator is inspiring. Thank you.

[Relic]

I'm glad you liked it. I appreciate your kind review.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Relic... It seems we were born with an innate Spirit to explore; however, we respond to kindness and thereby will recognize the opposite as we live our days. We learn to love, but need to fight when necessary. To our own self be true, and it shall follow as the day, the night, we cannot be false to anyone. It is human to Er, but Divine to forgive. Amen
truly, Pat

[Relic]

Thanks very much for your review, Pat. :)

[@_av_poetry]

A very gripping poem. I loved this:

"But, flowers--I've discovered--are fragile things
that in a short period of time
will die from the slightest chill."

It is indeed simple needs that people are completely blind to sometimes, but the neglect of them can, with time, destroy a person and lead them away, somewhere where they can look for someone who can see clearly.

[Relic]

Thanks very much for your review.

[Sarah K Cass]

How sad. Well, that's how this struck me.

[Relic]

That's fine. Poetry encompasses many feelings. Thank you for reading.

[The Black Penman]

I found this to be full of thought and depth not to mention life.
I enjoyed the read.

[Relic]

Thank you very much, Black Penman.