Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous�"
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I�"unbelievably�"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner�"
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs�"
never noticed at all�"
your petals�"
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[ms. barrie]

Amazing poem, with incredible choice of words, depicting whispers of longings,
And haunting regrets. Very profound...
Brilliant fluidty and rhyming scheme. Thanks for sharing :)

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This is really sad too often it happens to lose someone to death would be harder than losing in "general"...i like the metaphor's and the structure of this . These words certainly do touch a person

[Relic]

Thanks so much Chloe.

[Chloe..Across the Universe]

You are welcome my pleasure

[Joyce S. Greene]

This is a fantastic poem, Relic. I am in awe of your talent. Your images are incredibly tender - I loved every word and only wish I could give you the 100 points you have earned. Bravo!

[Relic]

Thank you so much, I appreciate your review.

[Wallflower]

Full circle.

I enjoyed this, powerful description of pain and remorse. I especially like the closing lines, the imagery of petals falling ended the poem perfectly.

From a wallflower who has lost quite a few petals, it is comforting to see the other side; we never love in vain.

[Relic]

Tears don't discriminate I guess. I'm thankful you liked it and could identify with it, though in a way, I'm sorry too. You know what I mean by that. I appreciate the review.

[Tom]

Very sad and regretful but there's a strong moral message within ! Never take a loved one for granted!

This is a terrific emotional somber poem !

[Relic]

Thanks so much Tom.

[A. Doyle]

Beautiful. We are all human and make mistakes, the beauty comes from the realization.

[Relic]

Yes it does A. Thank you for reading.

[Pryde Foltz]

And I, immersed within my
neglectful narrow corner, unable
to sympathize or relate to a simple need,
never noticed at all--your petals...
falling one by one.

It is so important that we celebrate that which we are given. To often we but concentrate on the next thing or that which we do not have.

[Relic]

Yes, we do. Thanks Pryde.

[Sheila Kline]

When this happens, there are black roses of the heart that wither and fade until even a single dewdrop of moisture is no longer able to illicit a whiff of the former fragrance of their love. It is sad when a husband, or lover disregards the once "love of his life" and discards her which leads her to think she is of no worth. The wise woman shall realize it is not of her doing, but the man who is of ill will.

You give the reader much to contemplate - the woman to be aware of what is coming when she realizes she is being cast aside, and the man - to change his actions before it is too late for both of them, as often the man realizes too late the mistake he has made in casting away the love of a good woman!

Thank you for opening reviews for this poem as I would not have viewed it!

[Relic]

Thanks so much for such a great review Sheila.

[Jace Fox]

Reality that hits you in the face and yet there is still a softness to the harsh reality of the words. I liked it and I too have been a flower that was crushed under a man that didn't deserve me, and sadly I have crushed others to prevent them from getting close.

Great poem and even if some of the lines were a bit "overdone" I thought it added to the effect of the poem

[Relic]

Thanks for your thoughts Jace. I'm sorry to hear the story is all too familiar to you. I know women who recognize the feeling within the poem. The poem itself has been revised many times. It may very well be overdone in some places but for now, my pen only knows what is here now. However, writing is never finished, its abandoned. The future may write new words...I'll see. :)

[Jace Fox]

I like how it is overdone :) I have no complaints about that I'm a girl who likes things over the top and overdone :)

[Relic]

_______ :)

[Tate Morgan]

Well it is a good thing when we finally realize that the other is in need.But it is always painful and a scar that we wear for life

[Relic]

I agree Tate. Thanks for the review.