Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous�"
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I�"unbelievably�"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner�"
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs�"
never noticed at all�"
your petals�"
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

You are a wonderful writer. And this one speaks loudly....:)....

[Relic]

Thank you Sami.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome. ....:)......

[PearlPoet]

Your words embrace much wisdom and maturity embalmed in beauty... I love how you start your verse and how you walk your reader trough the poem, to see and feel stark reality

Brilliant write Dear Poet, bravo!

[GPurple]

The first thing I read on this website and a great one. I love this :)

[Relic]

Thank you very much GPurple and welcome to Writers Cafe. :)

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Wow. How have I missed your work? This is very good, eloquently written with a clear message, which makes the reader reflect. I was curious as I started, where this would take me, but it revealed itself in the final three stanzas. You are a gifted writer as this is a wonderful write.

[Relic]

Thanks very much Damien. :)

[Damien Thibodeaux]

You're welcome.

[Winslow Des Totes]

I honestly have no advice for this piece as it is very well written and well constructed; the flow is subtle but well paced and the word choice is at times rather intense and thought provoking. It is truly a masterful write as it has evoked a feeling of deep sorrow and an emotion close to regret but more over youthful ignorance that we all experience at one time or another. Sadly it seems it this case it caused a divide between two people in love, or at least that's the interpretation I have come to. I enjoyed reading this very much.

[Relic]

Thank you very much for this review, Winslow.

[Winslow Des Totes]

Anytime. :)

[Arunima]

THIS ONE NEEDS TO BE PUBLISHED.... truly a REMARKABLE piece!!!

[Relic]

Thank you very much for saying that Phoenix. :)

[Arunima]

only said what's true! don't say thnks...

[Relic]

................. :)

[andrew mitchell]

a MASTERPIECE RELIC a MASTERPIECE!!

[Relic]

Thanks very much andrew. :)

[andrew mitchell]

2years gone, back again tim and still reigns impressive.

[Veronique]

Ahh my young friend you write with wisdom far beyond your years! You do it with much beauty and grace as well and I think you are indeed very gifted my sweet friend! I applaud such a wonderful write that truly shines.Your last stanza truly touched my soul as I think how many people out there truly don't stop and think until it's far too late before they even notice as you eloquently put it,' never noticed at all
your petals...
falling one by one.'

[Relic]

Thanks very much for such a nice review Veronique. BTW: I'm 52. :)

[Veronique]

Aww bless your sweet lil' ol' heart! Darlin' you are still younger than me...;)

[Relic]

.............. ;)

[Daydreamer]

I've often compared women to flowers, each having their own essence..but some wither away as they are more fragile than others... This was such a honest and artistically wonderful write.

[Relic]

I appreciate that Daydreamer, thank you for the nice review. :)

[Woody]

wonderful! absolutely magical, Relic. wording and all. great picture to go with it.
I agree with your note. nobody's perfect. we keep learning and there are extraordinary writers and poets here, which makes it a great site.

[Relic]

Thanks very much Woody.