Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous�"
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I�"unbelievably�"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner�"
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs�"
never noticed at all�"
your petals�"
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Clara]

This is an incredibly moving write, Relic.
One that I think many can relate to.

The last two stanzas are my favourite. Thank you for sharing!

[Relic]

Thank you very much Clara.

[Zahra]

No wonder this is such a popular poem. One of the most beautiful poems I've read on WC.
The mundane, repetitious
portrait of our existence
held me in perspective
as one--too ambivalent
to shake his disembodied shoulders.
amazing.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Zahra.

[zaisham9393]

Relic I read this poem and it is amazing ;)).
Then, I--
immersed
in my neglectful, narrow corner,
unable to sympathize
or relate to simple needs--
never noticed at all
your petals
falling one by one.


Loved this a lot...I love the metaphors used here.
Nice work :)!!

[Relic]

Thank you very much Z. I appreciate your review.

[~ Kimberly ~]

Holy! I see why this poem is massively popular. This is an absolutely breath-taking piece of art. It left me speechless, it's just so beautiful. You're an outrageous writer. I love the tender yet chilling vibe I received from reading!

[Relic]

Wow, what can I say. Thank you so much for your kind words Kim.

[1VJ]

A weighty piece, with a tenderness interlacing sadness all the same. It's a slow demise when we neglect someone's heart. Love the falling petals metaphor, we are delicate creatures. :)

[Relic]

Thank you very much for the review Paloma.

[Arezzo]

Well, it's not difficult to see why this one is immensely popular.

Two things you do which have me in total awe ....

(a) you use beautiful metaphors without ever beating the reader over the head with a billy club labeled METAPHOR (the ghost in the wrinkled sheets, guilt's sea, etc.)
(b) you infuse each line with a kind of subtle melancholy which is hard to pin down, but definitely there.

TS Eliot said that thing about poetry being the stuff that gets lost in translation, the ghost in the machine. In those terms, this one is saturated in poetry. Wonderful stuff.

[Relic]

I appreciate your kind words Arezzo, thank you very much.

[MelissaAndres]

This is lovely. Sad but also a lesson learned for someone if they will just take heed. I also love your note at the end. Many of us want our writing to stand as is, it takes a true writer to take good advice from someone more seasoned and make it better.

[Relic]

It certainly does. Thank you for your thoughts Melissa. :)

[MelissaAndres]

You're welcome. Oh, and I love the picture you've chosen to go with this too.

[Viv Wade]

What a beautiful poem, and so true - many of us don't appreciate what we have until it is gone. Thanks for sharing this.

[Relic]

Thank you for reading.

[LeahRhodes]

Very nice poem. I love how the message and the feelings get stronger as the stanzas go. But perhaps I would replace the "..." after "your petals" by some other process. Poetry has the ability to give moments for the readers to breathe without having to use the processes otherwise found in prose. But still, this poem overall is something I'd like to see more often. It is great to know that some writers can still convey this much emotion.

[Relic]

Thank you very much for your review Leah. I've taken out the ellipsis mark. I'll leave it open for now. :)

[LeahRhodes]

That's great :) It was just a simple suggestion, but I am glad if it helped you in the end! :)

[Relic]

All suggestions that have merit are welcome. :)

[emmajoy]

Relationships bump noses in the night, emotions lose direction, time passes, one notices but shrugs off changes, familiarity breeds more than contempt, respect slips too many notches below what once was love. My version, cold and charmless.

Your words create a sadness with a somehow found tenderness: regret with perhaps a touch of self-disgust, the realisation of what was beautiful is tarnished if not lost.. and it all moves from past to present as if caught in space knowing nothing can be done.. now. Your writing's more than words, it scars, elicits questions of self; but, still stands proudly.

(In spite of the changes from original to present form, this poem remains yours - and that's what's vital when writing from the heart.)

[Relic]

Thanks for the amazing review Emma.