Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous�"
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I�"unbelievably�"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner�"
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs�"
never noticed at all�"
your petals�"
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[PoeticSorcery]

good poem, I like it. also like how you can add pictures with poems here, unlike hellopoetry.

[Relic]

Thank you very much. Hello Poetry is a site I'm still getting used to. I've been here so long. Each site has its advantages and disadvantages I guess depending on how you look at it. I know some who don't like pictures on poems and other that do. To each his own I guess.

[PoeticSorcery]

yeah. this site is more for fun and exciting, it's more like facebook for poetry, whereas hellopoetry is for more serious, laid-back poets, but lacks any flavor. also, it's more dead on there these days. that's why I'm on here from time to time.

[Relic]

Its funny you should say that because after being here for so many years, I can say just the opposite. :)

[PoeticSorcery]

maybe all poetry sites eventually die down, someone should make a new one lol

[Lyn Anderson]

This is and was a great piece, and a great piece of advice. I read the other one -- She said she is not coming back, and was unable to leave comment, hence, I leave it here -- I love that poem, for its simplicity, and the title being revealed within the piece without it actually being there.

[Relic]

I didn't think anyone would like that one, that's why I took the review option off. Thanks on both poems.

[Lyn Anderson]

No problem. I am not one to leave comment unless I actually like it.

[Caddy]

I can't find the words to say how this made me feel. Sad, beautiful, there are a plethora of words that can be used to describe the emotions this provokes, yet sometimes I find that just silence is needed to fully immerse oneself. I look forward to reading your other work.
Thank you, for sharing this.

[Relic]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful words Caddy.

[mattavelli]

This one's in 40 libraries. It must be good. Haha
I have trouble with the abstract poetry. I had to read this a few times to put it all together... the ghost is in the corner... the corner of the wrinkled sheets... how does that work? Why are you naked?...
I figured it out. I'll give her a kiss every morning. 🚀

[Relic]

Thanks for the review.

[Einstein Noodle]

collaborating and asking advice around here is truly fruitful ..i agree 100% we can all use a constructive review of what we share ..your poem is true to the bone ..and men (many men) do allow themselves to breath indifference and neglect into an otherwise blossomed relationship ..i feel the sorrow in your poem ..from a man realizing too late ... there is lots of reminders she gives along the way ... i think i would leave out you synopsis immediately following the poem ..not necessary ... you set the scene well enough in your poem ...it is very relateable .... i do like the "quick note" at the very end ...
E.

[Relic]

Thank you for the review Einstien.

[DeerInHeadlights]

and it is just so loved. I can so relate to this one.. very much so..

[Relic]

Thanks for your thoughts Deer. :-)

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

This is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have a lot of talent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING JOB HERE. I am adding this to my favorites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this poem!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Relic]

Thanks very much Blood.

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

welcome, Relic

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

I wouldn't want to be here either; however, this echoes truth in our world--a sad state!
Wonderful write about your subject!

[Relic]

Thanks very much Josie.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

You are welcome!

[Nisreen]

A very sensitive way of putting such a message accross
it seems like you truly cared for this person

Beautiful

I never read anything more beautiful

[Coyote Song]

A very profound poem on a painful yet true subject. This has been going on for so so long. Its a sad human condition. Well done.

[Relic]

Thank you.

[Coyote Song]

You are very welcome.