Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Ghost of Jupiter]

I have read this piece a couple times, not leaving a review for you have so many and thought you didn't need any of my drivel spilling onto your page... but after this last time spinning these bereft yet beautiful lines, i have to at least express my appreciation for this magnificent poem! The last stanza really made my heart drop to my feet...so profound and heartbreaking. Amazing work.

[Relic]

I appreciate that K, and no, your words are not drivel by any means. Thank you very much.

[Chance]

Another beautiful piece, full of pain and truth. You're poetry brings tears to my eyes.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Chance.

[Caleiph Ken'yon Brewer]

This is a very powerful poem. I admire the diction used in this piece. Actually the picture is a germane complement to the overlaying theme. Great job with the last stanza, you creatively hyphenate disdain and tribulation, further emphasizing the lack of an earnest compound; by doing this you give the reader a prolonged sense of dis-junction. Point well illustrated!

[Relic]

That's what I was thinking...haha No just kidding. Thank you very much for the kind words. I'm impressed that someone of your caliber would appreciate something I wrote. You're a very intelligent guy Caleiph, thank you very much.

[A. Amos]

Relic..this one is extremely classic and I love the message you try to convey.. took me in a different world to think and imagine the emotions and pain of your poetry... brilliant piece of writing...bravo

[Relic]

Thanks A. If only I knew where my head was at when I wrote it I could repeat it in some other form for another poem. ha Maybe someday.

[A. Amos]

Well I can understand my friend, there is one element a moment when you create a master piece.. don't worry you write very well and you will have many more of those moments.. so be cool about it

[Relic]

Thanks, I'll try.

[Jay Steitler]

Regret, as it relates to taking people for granted, is the darkest(and most common) part of human nature. You don't know what you've got, til it's gone. Excellent read!!

[Relic]

Thanks very much Jay.

[Angela L Garratt]

This poem left a lump in my throat. It was beautiful the way it was put across. I know you said that you have changed a few things and that you are considering changing more. Honestly, in my personal opinion, I don't think you need to change a thing. As for the adjectives, that's poetry. There is a saying that I love so much, 'there is beauty in imperfection.' Poetry doesn't need to be perfect, it's art, and it is perfect just the way it is.

[Relic]

Thank you for your thoughts, they mean a lot.

[Larq]

Mindblowing! Picking up my petals and going to read this again and again. Thank you for sharing your work- I can't wait to read more.

[Relic]

Thanks so much Larq.

[Tina Louise UK]

Poignant piece...so true of a lot of relationships. Enjoyed this one :) x

[Relic]

Thanks very much Tia.

[Scott Metro]

Dynamic...so very telling..
Your suffering is well expressed..illuminated.
Very good....
Scott

[Relic]

Thanks very much Scott.

[Scott Metro]

My pleasure

[Solilokiss]

I love this very much.

[Relic]

I'm glad, thank you Solilokiss.