Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Bright Ocean Star]

Tim, this poem was written with a full blown open heart bleeding, in anguish, and it left me in tears. Life can be too short to learn lessons we need to learn; Others have a long life and never learn lessons they are supposed to learn. We don't intentionally ignore or take for granted what is within our easy grasp; we are human and we make mistakes. You need to forgive yourself, which can be the hardest forgiveness to grant. It takes time. I love the poem as is, and I like the photo of the man sitting with his head in his hands. It's completely appropriate to the poem. Beautiful and tragic....Sometimes, you don't really appreciate something until it's gone, when it's too late to get it back. I think everyone can identify with the sentiment in this poem. You've created a deeply emotional and insightful piece of literary art, and I thank you for sharing it with us....Nice write, my friend. Tragic, but beautifully written.

[NeoGen87]

Sounds like to me that your trying to reach out to someone. Nice read and good job

[Relic]

Thanks for the review.

[RAOrourke]

Love the last part when you feel him recognizing what he will miss! Well done.

[Relic]

Thank you very much.

[magenta24uk]

This poem made me feel I was in another place at another time. I was in a darkened room with a single light lit upon a stage. The focus was a man, reading this poem and expressing the emotion and the loss. I liked it although it took me a while to find the flow. It was slower than I first thought (the beat that is) but once I found it. Wow.

[Relic]

Thank you. Yeah, finding the beat may have been slightly challenging at first. This has been revised many, many times and so the spontaneity may have been watered down some. I'm glad you and others liked it though. Your interpretation is very interesting.

[just Penny]

I like the use of corners as it's somewhere to retreat to, hide away and become invisible when it's all too much to bear. I use them too in my writing. Powerful emotion and depth here that drip sadness. I love "I've never enjoyed swimming in guilt's sea naked-- it leaves me dripping of remorse" - yep. A painful reality at times. I respect that you revisit your poetry to rework and refine. Something I should do. This is melancholically sublime.

[Relic]

Thanks very much for a great review Penny.

[ksbadyal]

"never noticed at all your petals...falling one by one."
this is so beautiful. we have all felt like this at some point in our lives. thank you for that exquisite image.

[Relic]

And thank you for your review.

[anne p. murray- LadeeAn..]

Words that grab the reader by the throat and say: "We seldom realize that it's too late, then we look back as it slowly knees us in the groin... that we did not appreciate and enjoy what we had... when we had it".
Great poem
anne

[Relic]

Thanks very much Anne.

[anne p. murray- LadeeAnne]

You are welcome

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Love is fragile… some great lines to express the deep heartache that comes when love shatters like a crystal vase full of roses.

[Relic]

That's a nice way of describing it, thanks Dale.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

You are welcome.

[abluehorseandflowers]

This is my first experience of this poem, and I'd very humbly suggest you've reached needing no further revisions.

[Relic]

I appreciate that, thanks.

[abluehorseandflowers]

You are most certainly welcome.

[MandaClarine]

This goes for any relationship. We as humans tend to take for granted what we have too easily. Time is a strange thing. Thank you for your beautiful poem

[Relic]

I appreciate your thoughts Manda, thank you.