Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[The Black Warrior]

Wow, this poem is so strong, powerful... the imagery and emotion in this poem is excellent!

Bravo, Relic! :D

[Relic]

Thanks very much Black Warrior.

[The Black Warrior]

My pleasure :D

[Stevo The POE-t]

I'm not quite sure if I can possibly find the right words to review this piece properly. But I will give it my best...

The emotion in this write is so strong. The imagery so vivid, it's like you're in it. The words you choose in each line, just perfect.

I think I have lost all other words to tell you how much I love this poem... This is going straight into my favorites. And I cannot wait to read more of your work... 100/100

[Relic]

Thank you very much for your kind words Stevo.

[Stevo The POE-t]

No problem at all... I wish I could write with passion that dwells inside of your pen

[Relic]

So do I. haha Haven't been able to top it since writing it. :)

[David Scott]

This was one of my favorite poems from you. I enjoyed the re-read.

[Relic]

Thanks Scott.
Sorry for the late reply. :)

[FateDictates]

you write effortlessly and had me swept up in the visuals you created..envious, and admiring your words all at once..

[Relic]

That's very nice of you to say, thank you.

[.Em.]

very vivid description. i as the reader could feel the guilt and regret that the narrator feels. great poem. thanks for sharing.
em.

[Relic]

Thank you Em.
Sorry for the late reply.

[WritersRankings]

This is a very humanistic and existential write. It fits together well as a whole and I've read it many times trying to identify its secret. I would have liked to see more 'aha' moments though I think the one for me was:

"The scent of your demise
seemed innocuous,
fleeting, and totally unable to bloom."

[Relic]

Thank you.

[Jo]

this is an emotionally generous poem which is highly effective. I especially like the imagery of the opening stanza.

Excellent

[Relic]

I appreciate that Jo, thank you.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

Wow so much Imaginary and sad.




Romantic yet soft full of Pouring Emotions thank you for sharing this
beautiful piece and your lovely review and comments.



Even though sad I loved these stanza's lines.



~Echoes of You~





Your ghost hides in the corners

of the wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands

to grasp at my foolishness.




I've never enjoyed swimming

in guilt's sea naked--

it leaves me dripping of remorse.

But death's formidable grip

can trump a full hand

of indifference each time.




Blessings. kindred poet

[Relic]

Thank you for the nice review KP.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

You're very welcome. it's my pleasure always. blessings. kindred poet

[wordman]

lots of emotion and imagery in this write

[Relic]

Thank you Wordman.