Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Leviathus Fortes]

What we fail to realize is that we all have let fear overcome us.

Men and women alike, throughout their time on this planet, have lost someone who could have been a soul mate.

Just because our tears do not show, does not mean we aren't crying on the inside.

Say it. Show it. Feel it.

Love.

Do not fear and do not neglect.

[Relic]

Well said Leviathus. Thank you.

[blue angel]

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners

of the wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands

to grasp at my foolishness."

This has got to be the most stunning poem I've read to date! I feel as though it itself is a pedal from that flower. [delicate emotiveness] swept across the fabric of time and space. Soft and serene, yet relating such heavy regret. I adore this poem! The picture is lovely. Respectfully, blue angel

[Relic]

I appreciate your review very much. Thank you.

[blue angel]

You are very welcome. This is an eloquently written poem. Much love it. :)

[Cindy Marietta]

Really enjoyed reading this. Especially admire your choice of emphasis on certain lines. Gives the ending a much more powerful stance. Great poem!

[Relic]

I'm glad you liked it. Thanks Amanda.

[katja]

such a stark, poignant portrayal of emotions...
... your language use is truly lovely. i particularly loved your four opening lines

thank you for sharing

~yekaterina
//

[Relic]

Thank you very much yekaterina.

[Tate Morgan]

interesting idea behind this on Callousness being the reason for not watering the relationship

[Relic]

Thanks so much Tate.

[EMMIE]

I love the end note, it's so true and sadly it is every day life for some people. Love this poem, very relatable!

[Relic]

Thanks very much Emmie.

[Riss Ryker]

Hauntingly beautiful, Relic! Had to reread so as not to miss one single word! Your words are like strokes of a paintbrush with the imagery you invoke. Great read!

[Relic]

I appreciate your kind words, thank you so much.

[Irwin]

Very well done Tim. A timely reminder to us all of that fatal flaw we humans have of 'Familiarity', which over time, if we are not mindful, will eat away and dull our memories, our feelings and our passions, should we let it. Good to hear from you.

[Relic]

Thanks so much Irwin, good to hear from you too.

[Matching Socks]

I remember reading this on HP and feeling that flood wash over my heart.
Very well done.

[Relic]

Thanks so much Ana.

[Matching Socks]

Still a gorgeous poem.

[Relic]

Ahhh, thank you ana. Wanna......share a bottle of pop? :)

[Matching Socks]

Lol. Sounds good. Shake hands?

[Relic]

Sure, that sounds proper and fun.

[AprilRN1210]

wow Tim... how you plucked my heartstrings with this one.. such a vulnerable honesty throughout this one.. I felt each word.. the ending just as powerful as the rest.. beautifully heartbreaking... I absolutely loved it.. you know I am such a fan and this is why, you make me FEEL.. the anguish.. the regret.. the pain... the depth of reflection in this is stunning... you have definitely stirred memories and buried emotions with this one.. love needs to be nourished and not neglected in that day to day mundane routine...

[Relic]

Thanks so much April, I thought you had already seen this one a long time ago. I appreciate the review. :)

[AprilRN1210]

It did feel familiar, but didn't see where I'd reviewed it, so had to share my thoughts and feelings on it.. it is always a pleasure my friend.. ((big hugs))

[Relic]

((Big hugs)) back at ya April. :)

[AprilRN1210]

mmmm mmmm good! :D

[Relic]

OOOH yeah. lol

[AprilRN1210]

you are such an intuitive soul my sweet friend.. you always seem to know what I need when I most need it.. what can I say but thank you..

[Relic]

You're are certainly most welcome love.