Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Nila M.]

This write was very touching. I felt loss and definite sadness in the tone. And there's a lot of truth in there also. Which somehow you've managed to weave together in a lovely way. The last first really made for me.
Thank you so much for sharing..

[Relic]

I thank you Nila.

[Vishuddha]

A lovely write, and quite, romantic. Man does have a great ability to become immersed in himself, mesmerized by his own needs. If love is a garden I suppose life is a flower.

[Relic]

That's a ood way of putting it. Thanks V.

[Vishuddha]

Good or odd? Either way, it was a pleasure.

[Kasey Miriam]

This poem is very well done and is filled with brilliant metaphor.
It was very thoroughly thought out and carefully crafted.

[Relic]

I appreciate your review Kasey, thank you.

[Kasey Miriam]

My pleasure.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

This piece was great.
Seems like you put alot of thought into it.
Very deep, and from your heart.
Love the way you have written it out to.

[Relic]

Thank you Cimmy. :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

anytime :)

[omnizzl]

I love this. It shatters the illusion.

[Relic]

I appreciate that, thank you.

[Leslie Ann]

Beautiful piece.. I think for myself I find it hard for me to accept unconditional love. I rather push it away.. I still love with all my heart with others.. but for me in return its like a knife driven straight to my heart.. Everyone has a different love language... I just feel all tangled up... lol

[Relic]

Hmm? I've never heard it described like that before. Thanks for the review Leslie.

[Leslie Ann]

I love it... =)

[Nadia Figueroa]

Great Imagery! This captures an audience from the first line.

[Relic]

Thanks so much Nadia.

[Lavender Soya]

It's fascinating how the elements of this poem agree with each other...and great word play. Kudos! :-)

[Relic]

Thanks very much Lavender.

[Dara]

This poem touched me deeply. It is not often that I read something and feel a catch in my throat, but this is exceptional. So beautiful, wistful, and sad all at once.

[Relic]

Thank you very much.

[RomaJ]

Reminds us how fragile and fleeting life is.
A very gripping and emotional piece, beautifully written and powerful imagery.

[Relic]

Thank you for taking the time to look.