Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in the corners of our wrinkled sheets,

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea;
it leaves me dripping remorse.
It appears death's formidable grip can trump a full hand
of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence
held me in perspective as one
too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders.

The scent of your demise, to me, seemed innocuous�"
fleeting and unable to bloom.

But flowers, I've discovered, are fragile things
that, in a short period of time,
will die from the slightest chill.

And I�"unbelievably�"
immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner�"
unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs�"
never noticed at all�"
your petals�"
falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Astro]

I'd be wary of changing ones words if they roll off the heart into ink stained syntax and rhythmic rhymes. Though having such competent artist friends strengthen your craft is a forgivable concession. This is a fine piece. After your Note I will freely admit while first reading your poem I read it as a longing, an immediate stab of absence laid out by a widow rather than a neglectful gardener losing sight of his favorite flower and its loss.

[Gee]

A revisit.
Reading this again confirms why you are one of my favourite writers.
Hope you are well Relic.

[Relic]

I appreciate your comment, Gee. Thanks. :)

[Archishman Rick]

This poem delves into premises of regret, reaches the sad depths of forlorn soil, where forsaken seeds of neglect produced crumbling flowers that could bear no fruit. As the poem articulates poignant metaphor, it joins the dots between cause and effect, and derives learning from loss. The road of reality is harsh, but the lessons on the way are invaluable. Best wishes Relic.

[Relic]

I appreciate your review. Thanks.

[Stella Armour]

a re-read Tim, and enjoyed just as much if not more than before ... :)

[Relic]

I appreciate the re-read, Stella. Thank you.

[Marie]

Wow! A very poignantly penned poem, dear Relic. I love how you compare your departed loved one to a fragile flower (age does that to us, it makes us both fragile and vulnerable) and how you didn't see her petals falling one by one (that was because you were so used to being with her, seeing her, that a change in her appearance would go unnoticed). Heart breaking! I feel echoes of guilt studded throughout the poem. We all have a best before date and when that date comes, it is then time for us to leave and return home to Spirit where we came from. No doubt, we may choose to reincarnate or not. The choice is always ours, but this world is not our forever home, we are really only passing through, then passing on. Feelings are superbly expressed in this very powerfully inked poem. The imagery is haunting, yet beautiful! Amazing write! Thank you for sharing, dear R...

[Relic]

You're so kind, Marie. Thank you for your comment and your wisdom. :)

[Marie]

Aaaaww! Thank you, dear R. You are always most welcome, dear friend :)

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

Dear Relic,
that's a cruel last lase,
I see family and some are very young, and some are wrinkly, :D
But when you love, it doesn't matter.
I many aquaint see other so much older than I.
I'm happy to my destine treat, and then I'm grabbed for a hug, a friendly kiss. Not fun,
But I do love my elders. Nothing, more loving than grandma and grandpa,
a falling wilt, very beautiful twisted sweet,
love your read, great write!

[Relic]

Thank you, BPD.

[1809 Black Plague December]

you are most welcome, Dear, Relic, a great poem of yours, strong and spirited, like a stallion, and true to your heart. ---MJK

[Poetic Beauty]

The reference of flowers wilting and being fragile in comparison to the loss of love is done stunning beautiful with the haunting sadness

[Relic]

Thank you so much for your comment, PB. :)

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful and poignant. Great work.

[Relic]

I appreciate the comment, Thomas. Thank you.

[Simbles]

Feels, whether from personal loss or inspired by it.

slam dunk finish.

perfect.

[Relic]

Thanks so much, Simbles. :)

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Relic,

As a result of having lost my wife of 49 years, to COVID, I truly can relate more than you may ever know ... Excellent piece of Poetry ...

Marve

[Relic]

I'm glad it could help in some way. Thank you, Marvin.