5enses

Our senses are the main deceivers

The taste of you envelops me like candy wrappers,

On the outside, you’re more exquisite than I’ve ever imagined.

Once I get used to the flavor of latent sweetness,

Your center surprises me and I wonder what just happened.

 

The sight of you shackles me like metal chains,

You save me from attempting to self-eradicate.

You stick to my smooth skin for too long and then

Disappear leaving your traces on my mental state.

 

The sound of you captivates me like a melody,

Your voice soothes my pain the instant of speech.

My eardrums are hooked on you until

Your angelic harmonies turn into screech.

 

The smell of you allures me like a forbidden garden,

You stimulate my appetite to offer you trust.

You accomplish your job of seduction,

Then leave me with nothing but pure lust.

 

The touch of you stuns me like an electric shock,

It warms the coldest sections of my heart.

I guess my wild imagination is moving too fast,

We are still static at the start.

Reviews

[justjenn_2u]

Sensual and lyrical. I love the open emotion here and the last line is electric. You have a unique style. Thanks for sharing.

[hopelessromantic]

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[BikerAngie]

I love the imagery. nice write

[Suditi]

This is such a creative write!
Wow!
The entire poem is so interesting.
Great work.

[S. Michael Long]

I notice the hard shift from sweet to deviance in the second set, this is not a bad thing, its just difficult for the reader to adjust.. (i like that you added a taste of the candy/wrapper removal effect in the 7th stanza, it helps make it smoother) I might have used, (and this is just me, so dont change it, im just thinking out loud here, Analgesic harmonies, instead of angelic, (only because chocolate/candy can be a comforting thing so, disregard if it doesn't fit) I really like this poem, it has a lot of imagery, but i challenge you to tie up loose ends, and try to find a way to "wrap it up" (pun intended) with the same or a similar end as the beginning had, Excellent work!

[Rikkevi Rue]

what a gift you have for expression my friend! Your poem reminds me of Hafiz (or maybe you would say it Hafez) but then he is a persian poet. Perhaps I should say Dawish, but then I have not read him, but it is the voice and style. Truly aesthetic. The subject is handled artfully and your technique has an appealing directness.