Outside Looking In

It was inevitable.

Waiting for that moment I know will never come is like asking God to take his place. For God does not succumb, not unlike all the pain I retain inside. Surely, I will miss you more than happiness. I would rather you be happy in my stead, instead of the reverse. God blessed me with this curse and God does not succumb, not unlike the hate I create to compensate for all the pain I retain inside. If I were not to wait in vain. Any amount of waiting would be worth the pain. I would rather feel pain in your stead, instead of the reverse. I curse the days I did not know you, until the day I stood before you. I tried so hard to win you over. Needless to say, the only thing I won was a losing game. Oh, how shameless, how painless a victory. To reach the gates of Heaven only to be denied entry. Yet I have been outside looking in for only a few seconds in the blackest box of happiness the night has ever seen. Waiting for God to finally succumb is like asking me to take his place. For I know it will never come.