First Snow

the first few moments of jess and sam

"I sat in the snow and thought of all the new things I knew ,about myself and Sam. We had been talking for a couple of months and hung out a few times but nothing serious . Every time I tried to get close to Sam he pushed me away but we both knew we liked each other. So it shouldn't be this hard. The next day in English class Sam sat next to me. We passed notes and laughed at the another kid picking his nose. Mind you, he's in the 10th grade, so it was kinda sad. Max is my best guy friend and I have known him since we were in diapers playing in the sand box. When I and Sam laugh its out of love. But any way, back to Sam, we started holding hands in class. It was really nice and it felt so right. Then he looked at me and smiled and said "Jess, I'm glad that you like this" and I said "What do you mean, like this?" He put his hands on my face and kissed my nose (we sit in the back of the room just for your FYI) and then he put our entwined hands over his heart and said" Jess i love you" and all I did was cuddle and Sam knew that I felt the same way. After English he said lets skip school today so we when to Sam's house. He has his own place. His parents think if they don't push now he might come back later but they're so wrong. But anyway we played in the snow. we looked a mess to big a*s 10th graders in the snow. Then out of the blue Sam picked me up and threw me in the snow. Then he kissed me and I laughed. It felt sooo right! After that we went inside and I told Sam I wanted to say with him that night. He smiled at me and said, "I would love that Jess" so I callled my mom but she was too drunk to care what I did so we had dinner Sam mad it may i add he is really good at making pancakes :]. then we went to my house so I could grab some clothes. I grabbed a lot because I knew I would be at Sam's house a lot. When we got back I told Sam I was taking a shower so I went to the bathroom, turned on the water got in and Sam followed. It was AMAZING!! So, then we got out and got dressed, cuddled and went to sleep."

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

"I sat in the snow and thought of all the new things I knew ,about myself and Sam. We had been talking for a couple of months and hung out a few times but nothing serious . Every time I tried to get close to Sam he pushed me away but we both knew we liked each other. So it shouldn't be this hard. The next day in English class Sam sat next to me. We passed notes and laughed at the another kid picking his nose. Mind you, he's in the 10th grade, so it was kinda sad. Max is my best guy friend and I have known him since we were in diapers playing in the sand box. When I and Sam laugh its out of love. But any way, back to Sam, we started holding hands in class. It was really nice and it felt so right. Then he looked at me and smiled and said "Jess, I'm glad that you like this" and I said "What do you mean, like this?" He put his hands on my face and kissed my nose (we sit in the back of the room just for your FYI) and then he put our entwined hands over his heart and said" Jess i love you" and all I did was cuddle and Sam knew that I felt the same way. After English he said lets skip school today so we when to Sam's house. He has his own place. His parents think if they don't push now he might come back later but they're so wrong. But anyway we played in the snow. we looked a mess to big a*s 10th graders in the snow. Then out of the blue Sam picked me up and threw me in the snow. Then he kissed me and I laughed. It felt sooo right! After that we went inside and I told Sam I wanted to say with him that night. He smiled at me and said, "I would love that Jess" so I callled my mom but she was too drunk to care what I did so we had dinner Sam mad it may i add he is really good at making pancakes :]. then we went to my house so I could grab some clothes. I grabbed a lot because I knew I would be at Sam's house a lot. When we got back I told Sam I was taking a shower so I went to the bathroom, turned on the water got in and Sam followed. It was AMAZING!! So, then we got out and got dressed, cuddled and went to sleep." I tried to edit this as best as I could for you. There are so many grammatical errors, misspellings, punctuation, capitalization and syntax problems, it was hard to know what was being said at times. But I think you will find this edit a great improvement over your previous draft.

[These Haunted Hallways]

lol, i thought this was a pretty cool story! Great descriptions and stuff :) Yea, a few grammatical and structural things to fix, but overall a great story!

B.A.

[ebur™]

nice little story, I enjoyed reading it and it had a pretty good plot. I thought you had some grammatical errors, but none that got Too much in the way. nice story though! :)