Nameless

Tears were pouring down her face, remembering the times she had, they had. Nothing would ever be the same. She was a mess, her silver hair was fine and split. Uncared for, like her soul. She needed saving from the downward spiralling abyss of life. She whispered, “Life doesn’t get easier, you just get used to the pain”

The rain was dripping from the soft yet sharp firs above her, drip… drip. Onto her coat, which looked about five sizes too small and it was all torn. Torn like her heart. Unable to move on from her love, that turned sour.

The girl’s face was pale, a ghostly white. Her eyes were a striking blue, they were beautiful, made you stop and stare into them. Like a window into her soul, but they were full of longing and sadness, a disconsolate look to them. It would make anyone burst into floods of tears.

She was skinny too, her little bony hands were bleeding, pearls of blood oozed from them, it seeped through the skin and onto the asphalt road below her. The girl was next to a busy road, not one car cared enough to pull over. Not one.

She was humming to herself, she had nothing else to do. No one to talk to, no friends to exchange words. Her thoughts were spiralling out of control, secrets she had for so long kept were trying to burst from within. Her thoughts were consumed by such evils she could not put them into words, instead they lingered in the depths of her broken soul. Her life without him had turned her insane.

Author's Note

Feedback would be much appreciated!

Reviews

[Meeks]

I do love your style and descriptions and everything, but this just screams 'melodramatic' at the reader. You basically try to make everything too intense, and in that way make it seem not real at all.
What I do to avoid stuff like this is to forgo the descriptions and use ACTIONS instead. And conversation, usually conversation is best but doesn't work with only one character (unless she talks to, like, a tree). So let's focus on actions instead.
The thing with actions is to show different movements that clearly point to whatever she is thinking about. In the case of sadness from loosing friend, people would be pensive, and feel forgotten and alone. Push all of those things if you want intensity, but don't go describing her emotion. A better setting could help to, one that shows how alone she is and just how nobody cares if she just dies. Also, don't overdo the monologue, but sprinkle it on top and make the reader work to figure her out.

Use deep point of view. You ARE the character, even in third person, and people don't describe their own situation to themselves. I'm looking at this line: "Unable to move on from her love, that turned sour." (No comma, btw)

Overall, great imagery. You'll figure out how to use that talent in the best way really soon, and then I can just watch your writings take off. Keep working, the easiest part is the technique. It just goes downhill from here, I think.
Good Luck