Alone

So, a girl was sat alone pondering some deep stuff.. (sorry I am new to this site)

Snow was coming down by the bucket load, forming a thin, glistening layer of white frost. I sat alone, engulfed by a cone of light emerging from the rusty streetlamp above me. The ground felt cold beneath me, my breath freezing in the frostbitten night air. As I looked behind me, I saw a trail of footprints in the snow leading to where was sitting, it was slowly being covered by the tiny white flakes of snow falling from the sky, as if the night sky was making a mockery of my attempt to forget my past. The cloud hung low with a sense of deep gloom, but the night is still, nothing moving except my breath, dancing as I exhale slowly, releasing all of the tension in my body.

I was looking around, realizing where I was. I was sitting on a rock at the bottom of a dense forest, the forest was nowhere near as dense as my problems however... Snow was catching on the prickly cactus colour branches above me, and the sky was sinfully coloured black, but not as dark as my decaying soul. With all the beauty it still couldn't drown out my everlasting darkness, my eternal pain, my infinite suffering... I was alone, forced into oblivion.

Author's Note

Feedback would be nice... if there is even a comment section? Sorry this is my first post!

Reviews

[TravelinAlaskan]

I think you set up and executed this story very well. For me it reads as a blending of a story and poetry. I would only change one sentence "I was looking around, realizing where I was. I was sitting on a rock". This is the highest concentration of "I was's", so I would try something like
"looking around, I realize where I was. Sitting on a rock at the" or "looking around I realize, I was sitting on a rock at the".

I look forward to reading more of your work =^.^=
Ta

[Meeks]

I give critiques, just trying to help you out. If you find this offensive, PM me and I'll delete it.

First off, you have a visibly advanced style. Or you just thought about this for a very long time, either way is good. I haven't reviewed well-written pieces in a while.

"ground felt cold beneath me" - you don't need the "beneath me", and you actually have too many "me"'s around anyway. Try replacing this with cold, rocky descriptive words.

"As I looked behind me" - this sentence is a run-on. You can use runon sentences in certain situations, for better pacing, but this is not the situation. Cut it up, not too short or you will go against the slow sludginess feeling.
The sentence after this too? It's not all that bad, but if you want to...

"my breath freezing in the frostbitten night air" - oddly phrased. The frostbitten night air is confusing to read, and breath usually gathers in a cloud, not freezes. Well, I guess it might freeze. I don't know.

"my breath, dancing as I exhale" - breath dancing? Maybe try 'swirling'?

"bottom of a dense forest, the forest was nowhere" - a 'but' needed before the next phrase, after the comma. And comparing the forest to worries is a bit wierd, but maybe I'm not used to it.

"the prickly cactus colour" - this brings to mind deserts. And the story does not take place in a desert. In fact, it's very different from a desert. Try something else. Also, -ly adverb. There's another one in the sentence after this.

"With all the beauty it" - comma between 'beauty' and 'it'

Overall, great. Keep up the writing, and try to write more stories. Because I'm not a poem guy. ;)
Good luck, over and out.