Lost

 

You said you'd always be there

you promised me

how could this be?

because fall went by

and winters gone

and spring is where it should be

so how is it that your not here?

 

I'm lost with no protection

confusion hit me hard

I'm scatter brained without you

now I'm eternally scarred

you left without a warning

and time still passed me by

and now you've got me mourning

my new found alliby

 

My days are numbered

thanks to you

and love, and loss don't mix

and the strings apon my heart

are things you'll never fix

 

I'm lost with no protection

confusion hit me hard

I'm scatter brained without you

now I'm eternally scarred

you left without a warning

and time still passed me by

and now you've got me mourning

my new found alliby

 

Lost and found is what I am

you found me all alone

love was just a race I ran

to keep you here at home

what started out as using you

became something from the heart

and hate became a lovers dream

and love got a head start

 

I'm lost with no protection

confusion hit me hard

I'm scatter brained without you

now I'm eternally scarred

you left without a warning

and time still passed me by

and now you've got me mourning

my new found alliby

 

Author's Note

Well..... what do you think?

Reviews

[PaperHearts]

Wow! I really liked this. This flowed so well, and had a real rhythmic bounce to it that I liked. There definitely were a few errors that you have to go back and fix, but apart from that, this was a flawless piece. At first I was a little concerned that this was going to go down the road of coming off sounding cliched, but I actually found quite the opposite as the poem progressed. I loved the stanza which started with the line 'My days are numbered'. Nice work,
~PaperHearts

[Anonymous]

I really love this poem. I'm not too judgmental about spelling and rhyme errors, because I think there really are no "problems" with a poet's works. It is what you want, and that's what I believe. Anyway, back to your poem. :) I loved the flow and word choice. This is an excellent write!

[Harley Ann]

hmm...
very emotional. I get the feeling everyone feels this way at least once in their life time...
:/ oh well. theres hope yet :)

[The Perfectionist]

Spelling corrections:

Alibi, scatterbrained (one word), winter's, lover's

Okay, make up your mind. It rhymes! It doesn't rhyme! It flows! It doesn't flow! This poem (or song, since that's what it feels like) can't seem to decide what it wants to be. There are a couple of parts that are really well written (the stanza starting with 'Lost and found is what I am' is just awesome), but the other two 'verses' are choppy at best, and while the 'chorus' is consistent in rhyme scheme, you need to take a closer look at the rhythm. Most of the lines are all the wrong length.

This is far from beyond saving. A little cleanup, a little editing, and a little rewording and this will be excellent.

[Keevan]

=D liked it K.M.