Immortal's Love

A poem about a vampire finding his one true love.

I awaken from my dark coffin,

To look for my one true love.

I disappear in my dark castle.

It took me years to find her.

I appear at this house outside in the darkness.

I saw a beautiful dark haired woman standing above her house near her window.

I stared at her as she looks down on me.

I whispered into her mind, “Oh sweet angel of the night let me be your dark knight.”

She heard me as she comes down the stairs in her house.

She opens her door with a surprised look on her face,

I saw her smile and her eyes.

I can feel her heart beating fast.

She wanted me to bite her neck.

I go behind her back,

I started to bite slowly on her neck.

Her blood dripping from my fangs,

She lies down while I hold her into my arms.

She rises up to become immortal,

My Immortal love will never be old again.

We shall share blood together.

We both shall feed on more blood.

I took her to my dark castle,

We both made love on this night.

We will both live forever until the sun shining so bright.

Author's Note

Theme song for this poem

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I am surprised by the range of emotion you write with. The beginning of this poem had a soft gentle touch. It transitions into a dark place near the end. I like how you put a spin on something that seemed brutal in nature. In today's pop culture vampires in love have been made to look soft...but you have given them their fangs back.

[zombiikillah666]

so dark, so good.

[RTB]

its dark and good some of the sentences felt like it ddnt have a flow but it was probly just how i read it very nice.

[Ruth]

This is interesting in poetic form hon, a dark tale like poem that has sensual undertones, not taccy though lol
Cool!
xx

[heich]

i love your writes..they are very good..i soo understand it..especially this.. i love vampires...hmmn..

[Tali Katzman]

very good poem,it had a good balance to it in the begining,and once they were together,it's like double,they do the same thing.

the picture suits the poem,so is the song.

[The Fatal Lover]

Wow. I really loved this. Great job. =)

[HorrorMaster]

Okay thanks for the help. :)

[Dinesh Sairam]

Let me say the glitches first,

"It took me years to found her." - Typo - Find her.

"I appear at this house... I saw a beautiful dark hair" - Tense difference.. Use only one tense throughout (You might also wanna change 'beautiful dark hairED woman)

"I starred at her" - Typo "I stared at her"

"We both feed for more blood." - "We both SHALL feed ON more blood" (SHALL is not necessary anyways).

The major glitch is the tense, do look into it.

Now for the nicer part,

Quite dark and intriguing theme. More like a prose than a poem. But, imagery is simple and apt, can be imagined well by the readers. Nice poem overall. Nothing much epic, sorry.

PS. The theme is perfect :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good poem. The photo made the words come alive. The description made the story come alive. A outstanding poem.
Coyote