Immortal's Love

A poem about a vampire finding his one true love.

I awaken from my dark coffin,

To look for my one true love.

I disappear in my dark castle.

It took me years to find her.

I appear at this house outside in the darkness.

I saw a beautiful dark haired woman standing above her house near her window.

I stared at her as she looks down on me.

I whispered into her mind, “Oh sweet angel of the night let me be your dark knight.”

She heard me as she comes down the stairs in her house.

She opens her door with a surprised look on her face,

I saw her smile and her eyes.

I can feel her heart beating fast.

She wanted me to bite her neck.

I go behind her back,

I started to bite slowly on her neck.

Her blood dripping from my fangs,

She lies down while I hold her into my arms.

She rises up to become immortal,

My Immortal love will never be old again.

We shall share blood together.

We both shall feed on more blood.

I took her to my dark castle,

We both made love on this night.

We will both live forever until the sun shining so bright.

Author's Note

Theme song for this poem

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I am surprised by the range of emotion you write with. The beginning of this poem had a soft gentle touch. It transitions into a dark place near the end. I like how you put a spin on something that seemed brutal in nature. In today's pop culture vampires in love have been made to look soft...but you have given them their fangs back.

[Vanna Renee]

The ONLY mistake I saw was "She heard me, as she comes down the stairs in her house." Stay in present tense and it'll be perfect!
Nice writing,
I like the monotone of it all, as though the thought of it all is casual. But I'm endeared by the vampire's love at first sight (as well as bite). It proves that vampires are the more dominant species.
:)
Very good

[Sabbath_Nikole]

This has a little too much repitition for my liking. Such as the use of one true love. Some lines seem a little off the begining four. The speaker says he's off to find his one true love but, the feeling and tone of the poem sounds like he's already found her, might have some tense issues. Other than that it's a very nice poem. Very dark, romantic.

[Star Wolf]

Very nicely done. I do like vampire stories and poems and yours in right up there with the best!

[Ashley.M.E]

I'm not much for vampire thanks to twilight, but a well done poem.

[Loner]

How do u manage to write like this ? i mean its unique, i really felt a chill down my spine and its 4:43 Am here.
Wow i loved it!!!!!!

[FeliciaS (Poetic Prince..]

Not a huge Vampire fan, although I really have enjoyed the Twighlight series..lol..This poem is very romantic however.

[Eric Cox]

Very good vampire poem, dark and romantic.

[Black Cat Fever]

Who can resist that kind of dark temptation? Sizzling in all the right places and all the right ways.

[Tina Kline]

Very dark, sensual and erotic. I really like your poem.