Desert

This poem is about a lonely scared man in a hot desert.

 I stand alone in a deep sand.

The sun burning my skin.

It feels like I am in middle of nowhere.

I begin walking as fast as I can,

The sun burning my eyes.

I am surprised they cannot find me.

Ah god, my skin is peeling off from the heat,

It’s beating me to death.

I must get out of here.

I called out, "Help! Help!"

No one heard me.

Sand dust covered my legs.

My throat started to get dry,

I need water, so I can survive.

Now snakes jumped out of the sand.

They came near me,

as they started biting my legs.

I started to use my legs to push them out of the way.

I tried my best to run away from them.

   It feels like I am living in a hot coffin filled with sand.

The fear of my life will never be the same.

My day in this desert will never be forgotten.

                  

Author's Note

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The story of the desert is amazing. Thank you to the U.S Army. I spend years in the desert. Your story is true. The heat and the snakes/spiders are the enemies. Many a days we changed our path for the snakes have the right of way in the desert. A very good story.
Coyote

[Zoe Anne]

The imagery in this poem was very well-written. I can feel the deadly heat just by reading it. I also liked the line: "It feels like I am living in a hot coffin filled with sand." This is another situation that everyone will go through in their lives... Everyone will be stuck in a sort of a "limbo" in their own lives, where they will wander in the sand of danger/troubles, and then they will be attacked by the "snakes" that jump out of the sand, and then they become the prey. The prey will try to run away, but to actually get out their desert, they will need help from someone else, but no one will, therefore, they are in their own "coffin", and they will be in the "limbo" forever... Again, the poem was well-written, and thank you for sharing!

[James Watts]

as the sun burning my eyes.( the sun burning my eyes.)

No one didn’t hear me.(No one heard me.)

This is a good poem. The tense does shift in the middle, you may want to revise that. But other than that this was truly visual piece and I enjoyed the read.

[Shalini Dinesh]

A very good poem about the dessert but i felt the last line with f**** word was kind of disturbing the whole poem's beauty...

[Robotic Assistance]

Very good.

Man the desert sucks, lol. Great write! The sun is a terrible foe!

[Nicaushio Yamaki]

nice

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

A wicked poem and imagination to go with it .. I hate snakes... reading that part gave me the creeps!
You have a wonderful imagination.

The only thing is you switched from present tense to past tense, still it made sense and i got it..
A creepy poem!
Write on!

Chloe

[Ice QueenJen]

This was an amazing poem, I likened it to being in an hourglass only sand enclosed inside. And where I live used to be a desert- so I can relate to how painful the sun can be..... I am running my air right now!
Good writing and I think I'll save this one.

[Rory CJ Frankson]

******************************************************************************************************desert man f**k***************************
Hey cool in the desert heat, gotta dig that bro. The video music deal and iI was wondering why your Author box was so huge. The poem does the deal, Presents heat and the feel of I gotta get outta this here f**k up!

I relate and it is really good piece and the structuring was near to equivalent all the way through. I would have liked to have seen it before you'd re-work though and see what improvement you make. So forget the read review I already have more than I can answer right now. But when you release of re-work drop me a post will you please an I can go there right away. I seen this on the home page run through. To note you had edit it. It is reall good work. Keep truckin man cause grammar an s**t comes with plenty pounding the boards ya know. I can't get an Agent to even view my stuff. They post back that my cover letters suck so why even bother with my stupid stories. So ya frustrating hey mate...

It'll only get better and the longer stories I'm reading rock along gruesome dude. If you want I can work with you some. Do a dab ah editing one piece and see if that agree with you. I'm always willing to help as it pays back the hours of help writers have lent me. Me an James Watts are getting along really well an post as we work all the time. I'll post you for my group when it go, hows that bro? In a group deal we can all help one an other with polish an stuff... Ok gotta bunch of kids I toutor an gotta go... write On / Right On! Peace an f**k em up in the Horror deal always seems that's were ya shine my man. Stick with the inspiration. Even if it's a bloody HORROR of filth. :)
*******************************************************************this has ta end hot ah ah neat*********************************************
Romon in Review. 05/26/10. 7:43pm Quesnel BC Canada. ROCK ON HORROR/MASTER. Rory

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

what a nightmare. This was truly frightening.