You have a clear concise picture here of robbers and robberies.. no one likes being robbed...yet you are robbing yourself, as I have done many times with typos and grammar. the first line sounds as if you are talking to money.. no comma... can be able to get... needs change.
Get ruin .. ruined...
If you tried.. past tense you have present tense after .. if you tired to run we will find you... tried to run we would find you ..
I am not being mean as you and others may think .. this is top writing .. and you are a good writer robbing yourself from being a great writer.
Yep! Have you ever heard the song "Dirt Room" by Blue October? You should find the video for it on youtube and watch it/listen to it. It goes along kind of well with your poem.
I'm not going to get into all the grammatical stuff and formatting of this poem, since Chloe already did a good job of pointing those things out.
But as I'm reading this, it seems as though you're attacking the "criminal robbers." But politics, the guys who run this country, rob us of much more than money...
I think this poem suffers from impulsivity.
Although you may want to write on a passionate topic, it's not always necessary to write things immediately in this mood, without much thought. Because I feel like you definitely didn't take your time with this - I can see it.
And your message is rather weak - robbing is bad and hurts people. They made a commandment about that thousands of years ago. We all know that. Why not delve into the feeling more, of having your earnings stolen from you? I don't quite see this in here. I just see anger - an anger that's too cliché, and too distant.
Honestly, I'm sure you can do better if you spend more time on your stuff. Because there's no way you spent more than an hour on this.
It is sad how selfish the world has gotten. nd it is even sadder to see people refusing to go out and get a job. We all have to work. In this end this poem was very good.
HorrorMaster - I like this letter you wrote and the pain you felt then has definitely come through. Just make the grammar/punctuation corrections and see how that goes.
This was very powerful and the words are meaningful, I got the point. People just don't care, they'll do anything for money now a days, it all people care about. Great write
You have a clear concise picture here of robbers and robberies.. no one likes being robbed...yet you are robbing yourself, as I have done many times with typos and grammar. the first line sounds as if you are talking to money.. no comma... can be able to get... needs change.
Get ruin .. ruined...
If you tried.. past tense you have present tense after .. if you tired to run we will find you... tried to run we would find you ..
I am not being mean as you and others may think .. this is top writing .. and you are a good writer robbing yourself from being a great writer.
Hello i'm Ira and i'm pretty much a horror writer. I have bad grammar and spelling or typos errors, but I tried my best, so please enjoy them. Also I don't like harsh grammar nazi saying (oh yo.. more..