Fear

Warning: This poem is super scary. It's about a ghost in a hospital

As I stand alone in this hospital,
I look at myself in a mirror nothing but skin and bones.
I remember being so old,
I feel so cold and lonely.
Why am I here?
I walk in the dark hallway calling for nurses.
“Help! Help!”
Nurses fear me as they can’t see me,
They hear me calling, “Help! Help!” again.
I went near them as they pass me.
What is wrong with me?
Why do I fear them?
Am I dead?
I remember my head bleeding,
As I lay down in my bed.
What happen to me?
Why every time I see them, they can’t see me?
I see demons coming for me,
Some of them want to drag me in hell for all eternity.
I hide in this man room in the hospital,
I see him laying on his side.
I started to fade away,

Before more people will fear me in this day.

Author's Note

This poem also give me the chills when I wrote it. How about you?

Reviews

[~lost and in my fantisi..]

very nice! i really like it! its different but very good!! =D

[The Master of Fright]

Very cool poem. It was eerie and the detail was great. You used good capitalization and punctuation, which always helps the story. I write horror too and this was great. The perspective was also interesting as we saw through the ghost's eyes. Plus, the picture at the end....Flat-Out Epic. I really liked this poem.

I subscribed after reading this. It was that good.

[Hippy]

i like it man its strange in a good way

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

Yeah, it did. I liked it though. I'm scared of a lot things now. :)

[Francesca]

wow that was scary!!! haha. I love the fear that the ghost had while he was looking for someone and the perspective you gave. Contrary to one of the reviews someone gave, I think the fact that it goes fast makes it scarier. But maybe slow down a little and maybe seperate into stanzas, so it'll take us longer to finish the poem and we can be scared for a longer amount of time.

[Delphine]

This poem was Okay. A major, in my opinion, flaw, was the dramatic conclusion your character came to. 'Am I dead?' How he did come to think that? It appears you only wrote that because you knew it was what you wanted to write about, but you haven't showed us, the audience, how the narrator got to this conclusion.

''Am I dead?' Would this not be said with hesitation? The natural human mind will, when confronted with something of this calibre, at least hesitate, falter, pause. You could show this with an ellipse.

Overall, it was interesting, but a piece of advice I do have for you is: slow down. Don't be afraid to elaborate.

[Jon]

good poem, don't see very many about out of body happenings, Didn't give me the chills though, I do a lot of ghost hunting, one of my biggest hobbies. So it takes a little bit to give me a scare. Its very original, good imagination.

[I Am Svetlana]

It did give me chills, but those chills kept forcing me to read. Lol. Great write, you really had me hooked!

[O Bubbly_snowflake *]

Does have a very cold feel to it!
Love the photo even more!

[deeps]

This is wonderful and chilling!
I like this very well written