Call me Logan

A Story by Hornet

They were called the Popper's 'cause if they wanted you to join 'em and you declined, the last thing you'd hear is the 'pop' of a gun shot to your head.

Chapter one

"I’m tellin’ you, Lancelot, I’m dumb and I’m gonna fail. I’ve accepted it. Why can’t you?”

Lance shoved me real hard on the shoulder ‘cause he knew I could handle it today. I was feelin’ real tough an’ all. I shoved my fists in my worn out levi jean pockets and kept on walkin’. The square was packed today, which wasn’t no different from usual. The crisp, cold September wind didn’t keep nobody inside on a Saturday.

I traced my finger over the smooth granite sculptures as I stared deep down in the large fountain at my reflection. If I squinted my green eyes real good, I would almost be able to say I looked how I wished I looked. I had my mop of brown hair all tucked in my favorite grey beanie and the oversized burgundy hoodie I had on hid the feminine curves I had the misfortune of possessin’ real good.

“I done told ya you ain’t gon’ fail nothin’ ‘cause I’m gonna tutor you real good. You’ll be fine.” Lance insisted, but I didn’t believe him. Not for a second.

“You been doin’ that for months an’ I ain’t getting’ no better.” I told him, puttin’ my ‘I don’t care no way’ look on my face. Lance gave me another good shove and I returned the favor.

“You don’t get it. You just don’t understand. Your mind ain’t screwed up like mine is.”

“Aw, you just ain’t got no confidence, Merlin.” Lance’s brown eyes shone with encouragement, “ You just wait an’ see. We gon’ graduate, you an’ me. We gon’ walk on that stage in them caps an’ gowns like we own the whole world.”

A dream-like smile traced my face before I could fight it off and I looked up at Lance all hopeful. “an’ we gon’ move in together still?”

“Uh huh. Why you keep askin’ me that?”

I shrugged, not ready to express the fear that he might change his mind one day. What if he met some girl before we got out of high school and he decided he wanted to move in with her instead? It could still happen. We were only sophomores.

Romance does that to people, you know. It steals ‘em away from their best of pals ‘cause they gotta go and get married and have kids and stuff. I don’t never want no kids. Me an’ Lance volunteered to watch some kids at the vacation bible school program at the church and let me tell you, I won’t never agree to nothing like that again in my whole life.

Them kids would whine and they never wanted to clean up the toys they’d take out. This one little brat continuously tried to run out of sight an’ hide real good and Lance and me were so scared ‘cause what woulda happened if she got kidnapped or somethin’? We’d have gotten blamed for it, that’s what.
But I can’t talk much. I wasn’t no good kid neither. I threw many tantrums over the fact that Mama always forced me to wear them flowery dresses an’ skirts when I simply didn’t wanna. Oh, and there was that one time I got ahold of a pair of scissors and chopped a bunch of my hair off so I would look like my big brother Frito. Mama cried so hard and then I cried ‘cause I upset her and then I was cryin’ the next day ‘cause I missed my long hair.

Dad didn’t really care much. He’s all about expressin’ yourself. He told me that he hates them silly gender roles and if I wanna dress and cut my hair real short like a boy, I have that right.

The problem is that some day’s I wanna dress and act real girly like Haylee Morgede and Shauna Camp. I have mornin’s where I wake up, ready for a long day of giggle fits and nail paintin’. I wouldn’t even mind puttin’ on a little make up on the occasion. Other days, those things repulse me. It’s real hard for me to explain to people. I usually get laughed at by Frito and CoCo. They just don’t get it.

In fact, I think the only person who does get it is Lance. I reckon he gets in better than me. He’s so smart. He’s in them advanced classes and I ain’t. I’m surprised he didn’t get all sophisticated like Spud did and abandon me. He could’ve. I done told him a million times that I didn’t wanna hold him back. He deserved to hang ‘round them smart people. He shoved me when I suggested it an’ I didn’t bring it up no more.

“Merlin, you need to realize that we’re amigos for life an’ ain’t nothin’ ‘bout to change that.” He told me and I responded with a grin.

“You’re such a sap.” I commented, teasingly. Lance simply shrugged, a smile on his dark face. He didn’t get all fired up about bein’ called a sap like I did. He just would shrug and smile.

Let me tell you somethin’ about Lance an’ me real quick. We get each other to the point where I can tell what he’s thinkin’ be the littlest things. For example, when he wants to go an’ drink Dr. Peppers underneath the bridge, he’ll start rubbin’ his hands together an’ lickin’ his lips. And when we’re around a bunch of people and he starts tappin’ his foot and raisin’ his eyebrow in this bored fashion, I know it’s time for me to come up with some excuse to why we have to go.

I can tell when he’s at peace because he starts twiddlin’ his thumbs real slow-like and his eyelids start droopin’ just a little bit and when he’s real angry, his upper lip twitches slightly and his thick dark eyebrows furrow down like caterpillars kissin’ one another. He was angry now and I turned to look at what or who he was starin’ at. Spud Yale. My own anger shot up like a blinding white light in my brain.

“Let’s go.” Lance said, takin’ my arm, but I stayed planted right where I stood. Spud had that effect on me, I guess. I hated him so much that whenever I had the opportunity to slam him with a bunch of insults, I took it.

“Logan, come on.” Lance urged, and he was serious ‘cause he wasn’t callin’ me Merlin no more.
If you was wonderin’ how we came to have these nicknames, this is what had happened. See, Lance’s mom was a big fanatic over the Arthurian Legend an’ begged his dad to let her name Lance after her favorite character. Anyway, then when I told Lance about how I think I shoulda been a boy sometimes, he started callin’ me Merlin ‘cause I got real into the stories too. I ain’t even a fan of readin’ or nothin’, but Lance described the scenarios an’ characters in such detail that I was real entranced.

I think that’s the only thing me and Lance’s mom had in common. His parent’s weren’t my biggest fans ‘cause they was always real conservative folks who thought I was fillin’ their sons head up with liberal garbage. I couldn’t eve n look neither of ‘em in the eye when I’d go over to hang with Lance ‘cause I knew everything they’d ever said ‘bout me ‘cause Lance has always been my messenger boy. He told me everything’ whether they wanted him to or not.

I always hated goin’ over there to his house ‘cause his parents was always smilin’ at me real friendly like an’ then they’d go off in the kitchen or somethin’ and start whisperin’ to one another in Spanish. I’m sure it’s about how they don’t like me in their home, but I keep my cool about it.

I just hated the pursed lips that Lance’s mom would make when I was dressed in my boy gear. She clearly disapproved. I wondered how she would feel if she knew that I was being called Merlin, the name of one of her beloved characters in the Arthurian legend. Would it tick her off? I hoped so. I loved the name. I also liked bein’ called Logan when I feel in boy mode. On the rare moments where I felt like a girl, I’d allow people to call me by my birth name, Lea.

My moods switched so often it was hard to keep up, but Lance could tell which name to call me judgin’ by my actions. He said my voice an’ mannerisms changed drastically. He also said I got better grammar when I feel like a girl and sounder properer. (Or is it ‘more proper?’ I dunno.)

Anyway, back to where we originally was in the story….Oh yeah, Spud. He was all laughin’ an’ carryin’ on with his buds by the fountain. He used to be me and Lances bud, you see. Then we started high school an’ he started ignorin’ us an’ makin’ up excuses not to hang out. That made me real mad, you see. I can’t stand nobody treatin’ me like I don’t exist when they’re supposed to be my friend. Either you’re my friend or you ain’t. Simple as that. I guess it wasn’t simple enough for Spud.

Anyway, Spud and me fought so much about the subject that we just decided not to be friends no more and I don’t even care. The insults he threw at me that day were unforgivable. I don’t miss him at all because I’ve got Lance and that’s all I really need.

“Come on.” Lance insisted, tryin’ to drag me away.

“Why? We ain’t gotta leave the square ‘cause he’s here.” I replied, getting’ one of them real defiant looks on my face.

“You just love startin’ trouble, don’t you?” Lance huffed.

“I ain’t startin’ nothin’.” I replied, starin’ over at Spud angrily, “I just ain’t leavin’ ‘cause I ain’t ready to go.”
My adrenalin or whatever was rushin’ and I was just waitin’ for a fight between Spud an’ me. The jerk didn’t even look over at us, though. Oh, so now he was so high an’ mighty that he didn’t even notice our presence? Whatever.

“You’re gonna get all worked up again if we don’t go.”

I let out a real heavy sigh, “Fine. We can go. I don’t feel like seein’ his ugly crooked toothed face no more.”
Lance sucked on his bottom lip and raised his eyebrows, stuffin’ his hands in his jean pockets an’ I knew that meant he didn’t want me to insult Spud no more. He always liked playin’ it nice. “Where you wanna go then?” he asked me and I shrugged.

“The bridge?” That had been our place for the past year. It used to give me a real eerie feelin’ bein’ under there, the cool murky water sloshin’ onto our feet if we accidentally missed one of the steppin’ stones that led to the the largest rock in the darkness beneath the bridge.

Lance and me went to the little convenient store near the Winn-Dixie and Piggly Wiggly. I got myself a bag of sour gummy worms and a bottle of Dr.Pepper. My mama would be yellin’ at me real bad if she knew. She didn’t like me eatin’ so unhealthy. She’s got diabetes, you see, and she don’t want me in the same boat. I don’t really care at this point, I mean, what are the odds that I’d get it just ‘cause she did? She don’t know nothin’. That’s why I moved out.

After Lance picked out a Dr.Pepper and a small bag of them plain ol’ potato chips, we headed out. It didn’t take long for us to make it to the bridge. Not many people walked over it no more. It’s such an old bridge, covered in moss and ivy. People say it creeks real loud when you walk on it. So since nobody likes it no more, Lance and I claimed it as our own. It ain’t in writing, but that bridge is ours.

We plopped down under it and I sighed, tryin’ not to guzzle my Dr.Pepper down to fast. Lance sips his in a real sophisticated manner so if I drink mine in like three seconds, it’ll make me look like some kind of slob. We sat there quietly a moment, lookin’ over at Lance, who I figured
had his mind on Spud.

He was probably thinkin’ about how the three of us would go behind the school in the mornings and down purple pixie sticks. We would be in giggle fits by the end of class from bouncin’ in our chairs the whole hour an’ a half.
Or maybe his mind was racin’ back to when we would all sit in the back of Spud’s parent’s blue truck and make fun of preps, normies, and conservative folks. Yeah, Lance was probably havin’ a real hard time.

“I hate my parents.” Lance said, suddenly. I looked over at him curiously. He didn’t use the word ‘hate’ sparingly.

“What for?” I asked, biting the head of a gummy worm off.

“They say I have to start spendin’ less time around you and start hangin’ with other people.”

I froze, hugging my knee’s closer to me. “Oh. Why?”

I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to react. I mean, they obviously just wanted him to be more social. It had nothin’ to do with me, right? Ha. Who was I kiddin’? I began grindin’ my teeth together awkwardly.

“They say what we have ain’t friendship. They say it’s ‘obsession’.” Lance said, makin’ those little quotations marks with his fingers. Obsession? What was obsessive about us? We were just best buds is all.

“That’s so stupid.” I replied, trying to control my anger.

“I know it.” Lance agreed, taking a swing of his soda. Somethin’ in his eyes spoke to me, though. I could see uncertainty in them and it gave me chills.

“Well, whatcha gonna do?” I shrugged, refusin’ eye contact.

“I dunno. I guess I gotta do what they say.” Lance sighed as I nodded slowly. This was okay. I mean, why wouldn’t it be? If Lance wanted to hang around other people, there was nothing wrong with that. Still, this uneasy feeling seeped into my emotions. Lance and I didn’t have a normal bond. We were like other halves of each other. Part of me didn’t want to share him with nobody in fear of destroying that.

“Okay. We still gonna get that apartment?”

“Yeah. Mom thinks it’s a dumb idea, but I don’t care.”

“What she think it’s dumb for?” I glared, wantin’ to yell at her for bein’ such a judgmental downer on everything. What was it her business what Lance did after he got out of high school.

“She thinks it ain’t gonna happen because she wants me goin’ to an out of state college and she thinks we’ll grow apart by the end of high school.” Lance answered. My stomach churned at the word ‘college’. The very idea sent my blood racin’ and my heart felt like it was gonna pound so hard it would break my ribcage.

“What does she know?” I replied, although there was some truth to her words. People did grow apart after high school and I wasn’t gonna be able to follow Lance if he left town to go to some fancy school. Still, the bond Lance and me shared was too strong to be torn up by some temporary distance. What if it wasn’t temporary, though? Surely he would meet some snooty college chick who had jealousy issues and he would be forbidden to move in with me. Even if he did love with me, it wouldn’t last long. He’d be out the door one day and then what was I gonna do?

“She kind of has a point….” Lance said quietly. I looked up at him angrily, trying to hide the pain in my expression. Had he honestly just said that? My face was hot now as I glared over at him.

“I never said you had to move in with me. If you don’t wanna, then whatever.”

“No! I want to. I meant that I understand her point of view, not that I agree with it. We’ll both apply for an out of state college near each other. Heck, maybe even the same one.” Lance said, his voice all defensive.

“Oh, don’t think I’m so big an idiot that I think I’ll have a chance at getting’ into no college.” I snapped, earnin’ a stern expression from Lance. “I probably ain’t even gon’ graduate at the rate I’m goin’.”

Lance started to speak, but I cut him off quickly.

“Stop it. You don’t know.” Nobody understood. Them smart people couldn’t possibly understand because their brain didn’t work the way mine did. They were capable of improvin’ with some studyin’. Not me. I could slave over a book for hours an’ not take a word in. They all told me that if I could get rid of my insecurity and put in more effort, that I would improve. If it was that simple, I’d have done it a long time ago.

Sure, believin’ them would make me feel better for a little while and would make people stop callin’ me a darn pessimist, but then I’d have to go and face reality sooner or later. The blow that would feel like a ton of bricks would be all the more painful if I wasn’t prepared for the worst. So, no. I wasn’t gonna get hurt worse by lying to myself to please others.

“Okay, say that you don’t graduate or nothin’. I’ll take you with me to wherever I go. We’ll still be together.” Lance encouraged. I scoffed, making him huff with frustration. “What?”

“Lance, if I don’t graduate I won’t be here to go nowhere with you.”

“Where will you be?”

I pointed skyward and Lance glared. “You know VERY well how I feel about talk like that. It’s a VERY serious thing to say. You can’t just throw threats about it out when you aren’t happy with an outcome in your life.”

“Well, what else am I gonna do? I can’t get no good job if I don’t make it out of high school and I won’t be able to face nobody. Even you’ll judge me.” I spat, defensively.

Lance raised an eyebrow, “Excuse me? What kind of friend do you think I am?”

“Fine. You won’t judge me out loud. Happy?” I replied bitterly. Lance rolled his eyes, turnin’ away from me as he sipped from his Dr.Pepper bottle. My breath was caught in my throat and I immediately wanted to say something to mend what I had just harmed. I stared over at him.

“Pfft…Come on. Take a joke.” I chuckled dryly, my ears turning pink. I was trying to appear unaffected. See, my pride battles my shame and it gets pretty intense.

“It ain’t nothin’ to joke about.” Lance lectured and it felt like I was bein’ shot in the chest. Why did he have to do this? It made me feel like dirt. We sat there in silence for a while as I fought for something to say, my eyes a bit watery from trying to breathe properly without Lance hearin’ it come out all shaky. “We should go…” Lance mumbled, getting’ to his feet. I wished I could think of somethin’ to say.

“Okay.” I replied, standing as well. I rolled my eyes, feeling fire rise within my chest. It wasn’t like I had said anything that terrible. I sighed, starin’ down at my worn out black sneakers. Almost instantly, shame retaliated and slammed down pride, pinnin’ him to the ground. “I’m sorry….” I muttered, my face glowing scarlet.
Lance shrugged, “S’ok…”

“I shouldn’t have said none of that.” I hated admittin’ that I was wrong about anything. I’d much rather be buried alive. Lance was worth it, though. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowin’ he was mad at me. He offered me a small smile and relief swept over me, but just barely. I still felt sick to my stomach.

We parted ways and I slowly trudged towards the apartment complex that Frito, his best friend Coco, and me lived in. Lance actually lived in a house. A pretty small one, but it was real nice. It had three bedrooms. There was just enough for his parents, his big sister Dalia, and him. The apartment I live in is only a two bedroom, but we turned the dining room into a room for Coco.

I opened the front door with ease. It’s always unlocked ‘cause Coco broke the lock ‘cause he slammed and opened the door too hard. He’s a real big guy. I’m surprised he can even make it through the door he’s so tall and wide.

Frito and me are real skinny, but not the attractive kind of skinny. If our skin was real pale, we might resemble skeletons. It ain’t like we don’t eat or nothin’. We ain’t healthy neither. We just got real high metabolisms I guess.

I stepped in the apartment and was hit by the familiar scent of cigarette smoke, cornflakes, and chocolate. The small living room was dark and cluttered with magazines, worn furniture, and an old television set. The shabby place wasn’t much, but it was home.

Now, usually I headed straight to my bedroom or the kitchen when I got home, but I stopped in my tracks because of who I saw on the couch. I let out an alarmed cry and backed into the door.

Tori Hamilton was in my house. On my couch. Was this some kind of alternate dimension that Lance always carried on about? She looked up at me surprised, before chuckling slightly, taking a puff of her cigarette.

“Um….” I managed, trying to get my head to stop spinnin’.

“Hey, Lea.” She gave me a small, crooked smile.

She was wearing that long black leather jacket she always wore, her eyelashes drenched with mascara. She had her shoulder length dark hair tied into a ponytail today. I could tell by the blonde roots that she had dyed it that way. I never got why anyone with pretty hair like hers would wanna dye it, but whatever.

“What are you doin’ here?” I blurted out quickly.

“Oh, Frito asked me over.” She answered, inhaling a cloud of smoke.

“Oh….” I paused, awkwardly. “What for?”

“To hang.” Tori answered casually, leanin’ back on the couch like she owned the place.

“To hang what?” I raised an eyebrow. I don't know why I said that.

Tori laughed, rolling her brown eyes. “So, you live here too? Where are ya’lls parents at?”

I shrugged, “We don’t live with ‘em no more.”

Tori gave me a questioning look, “Why not?”

I didn’t want to answer her. Frito, bein’ twenty three, had already moved into his own place. I quickly joined him after intense fightin’ with our mom. The arguing got so heavy that I had constant breakdowns at home. So, after a long family discussion, we all agreed that mom and I needed some time apart.

Frito trudged in immediately, a wide grin on his face. I tried not to narrow my eyes at him. What did he think he was doin’ inviting’ one of my classmates here? Especially, Tori Hamilton of all people. It just wasn’t right. She was younger than I was. Only fifteen. I’d always felt intimidated by her, though. I don’t know what it was. Somethin’ in me always wondered what it would be like to be friends with her, but I never had the guts to say nothin’ when she was around.

“Oh, you’re home.” Frito said, lookin’ over at me. “It’s fend for yourself night.”
Almost every night was ‘fend for yourself’ night. There was the occasional day of the week where we’d all eat an actual meal, but it was usually oven pizza or cheap hamburger helper.

I stood where I was a moment, before heading to the kitchen, pink in the face. I could hear Frito sayin’ somethin’ in a hushed voice and Tori responded with laughter. I gritted my teeth, slowly trying to make out what they were sayin’, but the sound was so muffled.

After a few agonizing’ minutes of this, I heard Tori sayin’ she had to head home and would see Frito later. I heard more laughter and at last, I heard the sound of the front door openin’ and closin’.

I heard Frito headin’ towards the kitchen and I dove towards the fridge, openin’ it and pretended to be searchin’ for my dinner. Frito gave me a greetin’ smile, his ears pink as he waltzed over to the cabinet. I cleared my throat.

“Hmmm?” he looked over at me.

“What was that about?” I asked.

“What was what about?” Frito pretended to be clueless, but I wasn’t no idiot to that degree. I could tell somethin’ was goin’ on and it shouldn’t be.

“Why was she here?” I was starin’ at the half empty milk jug while I waited for his answer. Maybe he had a good explanation. Maybe it wasn’t what I thought.

“Oh, we were just hanging out.” Frito answered like he was underneath a giant microscope. He was tryin’ his best to sound casual, but I could hear his voice waverin’ a bit. “She told me ya’ll go to school together.”

I nodded, “Where’d you meet her?”

“The square. It’s a funny story actually. She lost her cell phone and Coco and I went on this big hunt to help her find it and…”

“Hmm.” I commented, my lips pursed like Lance’s mothers.

“What?” Frito rolled his eyes.

“Ain’t she a little too young?” I remarked.

Frito huffed and I turned to look at him. He wore one of them real agitated expressions. I almost felt bad for sayin’ anything. Still, it was the truth. He could get in a lot of trouble for this.

“We’re just friends.” Frito insisted, his voice getting’ all defensive as he tried to keep it steady. I didn’t believe him.

I was about to say somethin’ else when Coco entered the kitchen, lookin’ all cheerful as always. It was rare to see him not grinnin’. He stopped in his tracks lookin’ at me and Frito who were both lookin’ real put out.

“What’s goin’ on?” Coco asked, awkwardly. I raised an eyebrow at Frito, wonderin’ if he knew.

“She’s pitchin’ a fit about Tori.” Frito said real bitterly.

“She’s fifteen!” I exclaimed. Surely Coco would see the harm in this.

“I’m just friends with her!” Frito growled. Friends. Uh huh.

“Yeah, well, dontcha think it’s gonna look bad on your end?” I questioned snappily.
Coco cleared his throat, “Lea, why’s it so bad for them to be friends?”

“Call me Logan.” I huffed, “and it’s bad ‘cause Frito could get in a lot of trouble!”

“She’s real mature for her age-“said Frito and I scoffed. Mature or not, the fact that she was still a kid, remained. People in society wouldn’t see it as a ‘friendship’. They’d accuse my brother of bein’ some kind of pedophile and he’d get thrown behind bars.

“It’s just dangerous and you know it.” I said, my lips a thin line as I trudged into my small bedroom. I plopped onto my bed, ready to drown out everything. My family was stupid. All of them. Except for dad and aunt Carla.

"Lea! We'll be back! Goin' to run to Jayla's house for a sec!" Coco called and I rolled my eyes.

"Have fun! Make sure Frito doesn't pick up any toddlers!" I jibed, debatin' on if I should get on my computer or do somethin' productive, like studyin'. I didn't have long to ponder this, because an immediate loud banging on my window made me jump up, my breath coming out in gasps.

I had to compose myself before slowly going over to see who it was. Through the screen I could see a person. Lance. Lance? What was he doing here? Why was he crying? I opened the window quickly, allowing him inside. He had never come to my window in the middle of the night before, so this must be pretty serious.
He was letting out shuttering gasps, shaking as he crawled through the window. “What’s goin’ on?” I asked, dreading the answer. It was rare for Lance to cry.

He started speakin’ and I couldn’t understand a word bein’ said. I guided him over to sit on my bed, starin' at him with all seriousness on my face. “Calm down, Lancelot. You have to speak clearly if I’m gonna fix this.”

“Y-You can’t f-fix it! You c-c-can't!” Lance choked out, gaggin' a little as he sobbed. I stood there a moment, lost for words, almost in panic mode. What was I supposed to do if I didn't know what was going on? Lance gagged some more and I shot towards the bathroom, retrievin' the mini trash can from there and rushed it over to him. Lance shivered, and took the can and began throwin' up real bad in it. I sat next to him, tryin't to hold his long black hair outta his face without gettin' none of his puke on my hands.

Concern stirred inside of me, seein' Lance cry like this....It was close to physical torture. After he finished pukin' his guts out, he placed his head in his hands and wept real hard. I placed a comforting arm around him, just lettin' him get it all out. "So...." I whispered softly, "What happened?"

"I-I-" another round of sobs, "I was coming home and-and-I saw blood and-and dead! All of them! I..." Lance was clingin' to me now as I tried desperately to figure out what he was sayin'. Dead? Who was dead? He didn't mean his family, did he? "The-note-I was w-warned! My f-f-fault! I c-can't-NO!" Lance buried his face in my shoulder like he was tryin' to hide from somethin' real evil. His nails dug into my arm like knives, but I couldn't just push him away. Not while he was in this state. "Logan! P-P-Please!"

"Please what?!" I asked in a hushed voice, my heart thundering like a drum line.

"Please say i-it didn't happen?! P-Please!"

My breath came out quickly, and I felt like a hand with long nails was squeezin' my heart real tight. "Please try to explain in a calm voice." I requested, only I knew that I didn't really wanna know what happened, because then it would make whatever it was more real.

"My-My whole f-family is.... dead. Th-They were murdered." Lance breathed out, squeezin' the breath out of me. A lump rose in my throat and goosebumps raced all over my whole body. The Alverez family was dead? How? Images of them laying there slaughtered invaded my mind and let out a strangled gasp.

"Oh my God....Lance." I managed to speak with my mouth as dry as a desert. The room was tilting from side to side. It was like we were on a sailboat during a storm.

Lance was lettin' out strangled cries again."My f-fault! MY fault!"

"How is it your fault?!" I asked, bewildered, as I tried to compose myself.
"I-I was talkin' to the Poppers..." Lance whispered in a raspy voice. My jaw dropped to the floor. Now the room was tiltin' over so bad that I felt like I was about to fall. The Poppers? What would Lance be talkin' to them for?! They were the most dangerous gang in this county.

They were called the Popper's 'cause if they wanted you to join 'em and you declined, the last thing you'd hear is the 'pop' of a gun shot to your head.

Chapter Two

I was paler than chalk and everything in the world seemed to be freezin' over. "The Poppers?"
"I-I-I didn't know they were Poppers at first!" Lance responded, tryin' to catch his breath. "I was walkin' to the store sometime last year an' I ran into two of 'em. They said that I looked pretty tough wi-with my long hair and-and then we got to chattin' for hours and we carried on real good. Then I noticed the symbol tattooed on 'em."

"Why didn't ya leave?" I asked, my mouth dry as I tried controllin' our... my shakin'.
Lance answered wearily, "I tried makin' up excuses to go but they made the initiation offer an' I couldn't just say no right then an' there."

I nodded, knowin' that he would have gotten jumped right there if he had. A membership offer from a Popper wasn't really no offer. "I freaked out an' sa-said I'd think 'bout it and-and- I never contacted 'em back. They told me to call 'em if I wanted to and I didn't. Anyway, then I ran into Davey an' he talked me into comin' with him. You know you can't say no to 'em."

"'an then what?" I asked, squeezin' my fist into a tight ball. I could almost feel Logan cryin' inside my head if that makes any sense.

"an' then I went through 'em. The initiations."

"Lance! What the hell?! Damn you!" I cried out, my eyes wellin' with tears.

"I'm sorry!" Lance whimpered hastilly, shakin' real bad. "Y-You don't think I regret it?! My f****n' family is dead!"

"I'm sorry!" I sobbed out, my tone real masculine. It didn't even sound like me no more. I didn't even feel like it was me really sayin' it.

"A-Anyway...Anyway....I....Um....went through the initiations an' then it all went down hill from there. I got in."

How did he become a member without me knowin'? How? How could I not have caught on? Maybe 'cause I was always so self centered. I never paid no mind to nobody but myself really. Here I was thinkin' I knew all about Lance and I didn't really know nothin' at all.

"an' after I got in....You wanna know what happened? I couldn't do nothin'. I...I...couldn't rob no stores. I couldn't beat nobody or do no drugs or....Nothin'. So, I ran. I stopped comin' to the meetin's, makin' up excuse after excuse an' that's the real story 'bout how I got my broke arm. I didn't fall outta no tree. They tried to warn me not to run from 'em.

Anyway, I was plannin' to run away after graduation. I only told Gordan, who I thought was my friend. He was a member. He t-told my plan. "
We-I gaped at Lance, unsure how to respond. My mind just was filled with panic. 'We gotta get outta here, Lea. We gotta run far away. Please let us run away?'

The Poppers were like vicious two year olds who threw tantrums if they didn't get their way. They knew when a person was avoidin' them and if they sensed any kinda resistance, they took care of it in the most brutal manner. That's how it had been workin' for over a decade now.

"Logan, what am I g-gonna do?!" Lance broke down again, lookin' like a lost puppy in the snow. I felt the lump rise in my throat as I debated.

"G-Go to the police?" I suggested weakly, knowin' it wasn't really no option at this point.

"Ha! You know what happens if you go to the poilice!" Lance scoffed, whiping fresh tears from his cheek. Unfortunately, I did know. There were literally over thousands of members of the Popper's 'round the United States of America an' who knows, it could have very well been expanded further than that. If any of their members were ratted out an' taken by the cops, all hell would break loose.

The Poppers could and would without a doubt, track down other family members and friends of yours. They would take them out and finally, they'd take out you. They were cold blooded killers without an ounce of sympathy in them and if they did have sympathy, they weren't allowed to show it or they would be in the same boat as their many victims.

"I-I...." I was at a complete loss for words. What would happen to Lance? What would happen to me and my family? I was known to be Lance's best friend. They'd probably come for me next. With a shot of panic, I realized that they could very well be on their way to my apartment right now. They had their connections.

"They're gonna kill me!" Lance wheezed out, his breath soundin' like it was trapped in his chest. "I'm a dead man!"

"Stop it! Just....Stop!" Every time he said the word 'dead', my mind returned to Mr and Mrs Alverez and Dalia. The images wouldn't leave my mind. I stood up a moment and began pacin' my bedroom floor. I naturally paced while stressed out and I had never been more stressed in my entire life.

What were we goin' to do? Make a run for it? That was the only option, only it would be real complicated and dangerous. Not as dangerous as sittin' around here, though. My glance trailed over to my bookbag that lay limply on the floor next to my dresser. I trembled as I dragged my feet over to it and began unzippin' it.

"No offense, but this REALLY isn't the time to be worryin' about homework." Lance said, grabbin' ahold of my pillow and huggin' it real tight as he rocked back and forth.
I dumped my belongings onto the beige carpeted floor. It mostly was filled with crumbled up notebook paper that resembled failed oragami, my nearly destroyed text books, old candy wrappers, and a cloud of purple and orange pixie stick dust.

Normally I would have been embarrassed that my best friend was seein' my disorganized clutter, but this was an emergency and I didn't figure Lance would be up for makin' fun of me right then.

"What are you doin'?" Lance managed to ask as I hurriedly began stuffing my clothing into the bag.

"We can't very well stay here, can we?" I answered, my hands shakin' as I scanned my brain for some kind of plan. Why couldn't I be smart like in all them movies? The girls were always clever in novels and television shows. Why couldn't I be like them?

"We ain't got no place to run to." Lance pointed out pessimistically.

"Well, there's gotta be somewhere out there. We'll just have to look until we find somewhere." I replied quickly, my hands gettin' sweaty. I rushed to my dresser and opened my bottom drawer, pulling out the wad of dollar bills. One hundred and thirty five dollars. I'd been savin' up for the apartment Lance and me were supposed to get after high school. I looke dup at Lance, "You ain't got no money at home?"

Lance shook his head, "Pr-Probaby. I cant go back there, though. I can't!"

"We ain't." I agreed hastilly, cleearin' my throat and standin'. I stalked to the kitchen, grabbin' a box of Lucky Charms and began fillin' up six large water bottles full of water. I took the left over bread, a few bags of Frito's, and bologna too. I put all of this in a garbage bag. "Lance! Get the suitcase from under Coco's bed!" I called as I scanned the kitchen for more supplies. I was gonna look a downright fool carryin' a trash bag around. So, Instead of fillin it all the way up, I decided I would just wrap a bit up in there and add it to the suitcase.

I'd threatened to run away once before. It was sometime last year when me and Frito had a bad fight about mom. He always took her side on things and accused me of being over dramatic for leavin' home. It was quite obvious to me that he wanted me out of his apartment so he could have his 'freedom.'

This took place a little before Spud went over to the dark side and stuff. I was gonna go live with him in secret. It would've been real cool. We had pillows and blankets underneath his bed and everything. He even put his gameboy underneath there so I could play it. Then he wimped out and told me it wasn't a good idea no more and to fix things with Frito. The coward. He wasn't no true friend like Lance. Lance offered to let me come live with him, but I was too scared his parents would find me and really hate my guts.

Lance entered the room with the large red suitcase and dropped it onto the kitchen floor. I weakly thanked him and continued packin' in all that would fit until at last, I felt ready. "I still don't see where you think we're gonna go." Lance moped, whiping his nose with his sleeve.

"I don't know. Let's go, though. Coco and Frito might be back soon and I know they won't just let me go." I said, goosebumps trailin' over my whole body. I was runnin' away. For real this time.

I grabbed my cell phone and pocketed it. I then place my heavy book bag on my shoulders and lifted the heavy suitcase. Lance tried to take it from my hands, but I jerked it back. He had just lost his whole family. I wasn't about to let him carry nothin'. He feebly protested, but I wasn't givin' in. "You need to go pick out one of my hoodies from my closet and put it on."

Frito had given me plenty of his handy down hoodies as he grew out of them. I suddenly realized that there was a crazy chance that I might not see my brother again. Ever. I mean, if he knew where I was, he would drag me home or go to the police. That couldn't happen. That hand was squeezin' my heart again.

Lance returned, putting the black hood over his head. He reminded me of a commercial I'd once seen on the t.v. 'bout them real depressed animals that looked up at ya all sad-like with that real emotional music playin' in the background. That commercial got me all the time and I'd even begged Frito to give me some money to sent to the animal shelters cause. Frito said it was just a scam, but I still wanted to buy 'em all.

"Come on..." I said as I pushed his hair affectionately outta his face. I then took one last look at the apartment. I wasn't sure when I'd see it again. We had to move forward, though.