Your Biggest Fan

A poem which personifies a fan. I made it for a contest. Enjoy. =D

My friend! My friend!
I’m your biggest fan!
Yes, your biggest fan.
I’m the biggest damned fan in your whole damned house,
Yet respect for me does not seem to be seen at all.
I’m dusty,
I’m squeaky,
I’m making awkward noises that I don’t know where from!
There are cobwebs on my arms and chains,
I hate spiders so very much!
You’ve not taken a duster to me as of late,
Ever since you got that giant behemoth in the back of the house,
The one you call, “Air Conditioner”.
You backstabber you.
We use to be the best of friends you and I.
In the hot summers in which you would lay beneath embracing my cool artificial breeze.
But now, you’ve betrayed me with this horrible act,
And gotten that fat creature, in the back.
So here I hang on your ceiling, how appropriate for me to hang.
Dormant for the rest of my lifetime.
You know you’ll come crying back to me you arse.
When that fat creature back there kicks the bucket.
I saw you disregard that warranty fee you see.
When that thing breaks down you’ll come crying back to me!
And because I’m your biggest fan my friend,
You’ll see why I should be respected as I serve you to the end.

And change that light bulb too dangit!

Reviews

[ikss]

this, and several of your other poems I have read thus far, are very funny! you have a gift for humor...and also for lookins at objects in a unique way. :) Kudos!

[[untitled]]

Nice. Its good to see the real fans getting the recognition they deserve. Great choice of subject matter and love the twist of an introduction.

"So here I hang on your ceiling, how appropriate for me to hang."
-While I think the idea is really great and clever I feel like a rewrite might help this bit.

This makes a nice homage to simple, reliable, things- the ones that don't require expensive service calls and computer training. Well Done!