Heartbeat

Have some nonsense

I loved her

She was too shy

I was an all star

She was a geek

I watched her

She saw me

I looked away

She felt alone

I was alone

She was taken

I felt so lonely

She didn’t feel right

I walked alone

She sat alone

I saw her

She couldn’t see

I watched her

She let herself break

I comforted her

She felt different

Rain started to fall

They went separate ways

All the while thinking

About the other

I did my homework

She stared at her piano

I couldn’t stop thinking

She couldn’t stop dreaming

About that time in the rain

Where there was silence

Except for the sound

Of their hopeful heartbeats

Reviews

[Érenn]

Hi ^^ My first time reading your write and will be reading a few more of your writes in future.

I guess I will begin with the fact that there's nothing wrong going all color whammy but kinda distracts the eye while trying to read the lines properly. The structure's maintained well and there is a certain rhythm to the write. Your words invoke imagery, especially the verses in blue and I believe the highlight of the write. I like the way you have ended the poem with an alliteration.

The write is simple nothing complicated but I believe the way you mention pointers and examples that normally two people who like each other for a long time and have just never found the courage to open up and express their feelings goes through. Then again you have given it a hopeful ending that they might someday confess their love for each other. Many I believe can relate to this write in this manner.

I guess the only reason you must have tagged this as nonsense is because this was something you wrote when you were being silly (and not how you usually write your poetry??) and never really meant to achieve something like this or it even being viewed or reviewed ?? Again that is just my thinking. I could be way off.

Anyways it was a fun read. Thank you for sharing

[Hope Rose]

i tagged it as nonsense because i felt that it was jibberish. ive never felt like this but decided to try something out of normal. the colors i used because it helps, me anyways, keep track of who's feeling what. but im glad you liked it nonetheless

[Érenn]

Yeah I understand what you mean I would say you could have written this whole write in a refined manner and given it a new dimension all together. but then again I doubt you would want to work on this one as such

[FireKid]

You may not have felt like this but tbh I have a feeling someone you know has.

[Hope Rose]

Maybe so, but who knows? I started writing this as a way of showing something I'm going through, and it ended up like this.

[LA.Kin]

Beautiful just amazingly beautiful.

[Richard Mueller]

So beautiful... :) Great flow even though it isn't of the rhyming nature. I love it so much!

[Hope Rose]

Thanks I'm glad you like it

[LA.Kin]

that is beautiful. I can actually see you using this for a story if you wanted.

[Hope Rose]

You really think so?

[LA.Kin]

Yes. Beyond a doubt a very powerful piece of writing that can be used in various ways. I can see this as a beginning of a story that could be brought in as a prologue prologue or a flash of memory in the beginning or middle of the story. Or the ending.

[Hope Rose]

I like that idea...

[RJ]

awe adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hope Rose]

You think so?

[RJ]

yes!!!!!!!!!

[Hope Rose]

idk it looks weird...

[RJ]

so??????? I like it get over it Neko

[Hope Rose]

Nyaaaaaaa~~~~~~~~~

[Hope Rose]

nah i still say it sucks

[RJ]

does not!!!

[Hope Rose]

yup it does

[RJ]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Hope Rose]

heheheheeheheheheheheeheheeh

[Nour]

Simply and beautifully written, as simple as it seems but it provokes some kind of a feeling a complicated overwhelming one!

[Hope Rose]

I'm glad you like it :)

[BlaqkShadow]

Very well done, a thought provoking piece which shows all of your potential. I love the last stanza especially, the term "hopeful heartbeats" is especially good and really sticks in my mind. Keep up the great work!

[Hope Rose]

I'm so glad you like it! I was actually thinking of how to write a song when I wrote this and I gave up and made it a poem