I Haven't Done That in Years

TRIGGER WARNING: This poem makes mention of eating disorders and self harm

Today, I spent 30 minutes in front of the mirror, 

pointing out all of my flaws to myself.

I haven't done that in five years.

Today, I donated all of the clothes that 

make me look or feel fat to Goodwill.

I haven't done that in four years.

Today, I found myself not eating, 

even though I was hungry.

I haven't done that in three years.

Today, I found myself hunched over the toilet bowl, 

throwing up what my dad made me eat.

I haven't done that in two years.

Today, I found myself in a shivering, weeping heap

on the floor, clutching the razor blade and trying to stay strong.

I haven't done that in one year.