Epiphany

The title says it all...

I thought I was in control,

After the most pain I had ever felt went on for so long,

I shut myself off

I believed I mastered my feelings

Lost all emotion,

To let my ego run wild and arrogance reign

I purposely hurt those around me so that I would not hurt,

The numb that was left went,

I was causing harm for the easiest route for my self-centredness was no longer tame

For 2 years I left a mountain of rot behind me wherever I went, whatever I did

Just for the people that cared about me to clean.

 

But today I’ve been stripped bare,

My arrogance has been shattered.

For the knowledge, for the question if you could loose all emotion for an eternity, I have answered, and it is,

No.

I lay in a cradled heap, in the shear knowledge that hurting someone I care about has scolded me to the extent of tears.

It is a joyous moment, as it is the building block to start again, although I do not feel it now, with life back in me I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame.

Its time to break the exterior I have built for myself out of confidence and self-indulgence to resurrect the dormant person I truly am.

I am fragile, that is the fact and always will be no matter how well I disguise it to the world.

I have been locked in this prison because cutting off negative feelings like pain and guilt I have also cut off my ability to love and care. I have passed judgment on other I do not wish to pass judgment on and do not pit them on their integrity and personality but on their looks and recent actions.

 

 

The days are long gone from which the ethics I learned from infancy I put to practice. But I will endeavour to relearn them, and open my heart and create a new skin for myself, one that I would approve of ten years back.

Reviews

[Joshua J. Certain]

Wow I can so relate to your words I actually felt like I was reading parts of my own life while reading this

[J.Carnevale]

wow... this is amazing. the word choice is superb and i can really connect to it. this is one of the best poems i have read so far. wonderful work.

[LouisianaBird]

I'm glad I took the time to read this, it's very deep. You showed how you felt very well here. Your desire to better yourself came out smoothly.
You wrote a lot! Something I find hard to do at times. Kudos and good job my friend!

[AndyJCash]

Interesting format: I like how it starts as a poem and breaks into poetic prose. The title does say it all! Very powerful imagery and emotive language.