Epiphany

The title says it all...

I thought I was in control,

After the most pain I had ever felt went on for so long,

I shut myself off

I believed I mastered my feelings

Lost all emotion,

To let my ego run wild and arrogance reign

I purposely hurt those around me so that I would not hurt,

The numb that was left went,

I was causing harm for the easiest route for my self-centredness was no longer tame

For 2 years I left a mountain of rot behind me wherever I went, whatever I did

Just for the people that cared about me to clean.

 

But today I’ve been stripped bare,

My arrogance has been shattered.

For the knowledge, for the question if you could loose all emotion for an eternity, I have answered, and it is,

No.

I lay in a cradled heap, in the shear knowledge that hurting someone I care about has scolded me to the extent of tears.

It is a joyous moment, as it is the building block to start again, although I do not feel it now, with life back in me I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame.

Its time to break the exterior I have built for myself out of confidence and self-indulgence to resurrect the dormant person I truly am.

I am fragile, that is the fact and always will be no matter how well I disguise it to the world.

I have been locked in this prison because cutting off negative feelings like pain and guilt I have also cut off my ability to love and care. I have passed judgment on other I do not wish to pass judgment on and do not pit them on their integrity and personality but on their looks and recent actions.

 

 

The days are long gone from which the ethics I learned from infancy I put to practice. But I will endeavour to relearn them, and open my heart and create a new skin for myself, one that I would approve of ten years back.

Reviews

[alley]

I love it... It was peaceful to me

[Omar Fendri]

such a prodigious vigour is lingering in those lines which were carefully and beautifully written... a pure authentic piece reflecting feelings from the real life.
_For 2 years I left a mountain of rot behind me wherever I went, whatever I did
Just for the people that cared about me to clean._ ... This phrase tells a lot. You really know how to control the words to make the reader relate, utterly, with your writings...
the last lines are tragic and powerful and I adore the way you said _create new skin for myself_ :) well-done

[Liz]

Wow. I'm speechless. This is amazing.
You are gifted.

[dreaming dame]

Awesome. :) I love the words you use, the feelings are perfectly
described by the words you use; something I have problems with.
Nice! :)

[Yina]

wow I'm amazed once more. You have a wonderful way with words!

[Valette]

This is a powerful piece, so filled with raw emotion. A beautiful way to show new growth through old pain.
The only suggestion i have for potential improvement is to replace 'shear' with sheer.
Wonderful work!

[ब्र&#..]

this was really amazing
alltid
- Meja

[harley]

this is very amazing. the flow of the words and the mix of wordplay work to together to form an amazing story. i loved it.

[DearSweetAgony]

This is very awesome.
The beauty of words from a true songwriter.(as it says on your profile)
I would love to read something of yours.
This poem was pure beauty.
Twisting in and out of emotions.
You are very talented with words.
Flawless Job!